Being an Instrument of Change

I have For our time of study and the word this morning. For those of you that are visiting with us, we're doing a verse by verse study through the book of First Timothy. And as we continue in our study this morning, we come to First Timothy chapter 5 And verse 1, and my goal this morning is to cover verses 1 and 2. And the title of the message is being an instrument of change.

You want to be an instrument of change? I hope that you do. In fact, how many of people in this church that have a lot of changing to do? Raise your hand.

All right. How many of people in your care group that have a lot of changing to do? OK. How many of you are married to someone that, well, never mind.

Won't press that. No, if we're, if you're a part of the Church of Jesus Christ, then it's not long before you look around and see that, that people are growing and changing and that there's a lot of growing and changing that still needs to happen. And God actually calls you to be an instrument or an agent of change in their life. And the beauty of this passage, verses 1 and 2 is that, the Lord through Paul is going to show us a paradigm of how we can be an instrument of meaningful and genuine change in the lives of God's people.

These two verses, I have to tell you, and I don't know that I can altogether express why this is so, but They've been really sweet to bite into this week. I've really relished every taste of these two verses as I've worked my way through them, studying them this week. There's just, I, I hope as I preach this morning, I can bring that out in, in the message. But also part of what makes this dear to me is that the very paradigm that we see in these two verses on how to be an instrument of change, I have experienced in my own life on the receiving end.

I'll tell you just something that happened to me when I was 18 that proved to be very formative in my life. When I was 18 years old, I graduated from high school that year and In November of that year, which would have been 1988. 83, 82 or 83, I went with my family, my parents and siblings to a, a Christian life conference that was being held in the city of Indianapolis, and it was being held at the convention center as it was on most years, and there were a few 1000 people that were there in attendance and I was not walking with the Lord at the time.

And but I was there nonetheless, and we showed up, I think it was every night of the week and then I think on Friday and Saturday we were there all day at the convention center, but throughout the entirety of the conference, I wasn't paying attention.

I wasn't getting anything from the speaker that I should have been receiving from. the material that he was presenting. In fact, for the entire conference, I sat on the very last row of a set of bleachers that was in the very back of the particular room in the convention center where we were, having the meeting. And, and I was sitting with an old high school friend of mine, and we were pretty much just kicking back and talking, joking around.

And not paying attention very much at all. In fact, one of my memories, and I'm ashamed to say this, but one of my memories is that either he or I had gotten a hold of some hard candies, and so we were at the very top of the bleachers. And so while the speaker was speaking, we were like taking those hard pieces of candy and dropping them from the top of the bleachers and letting them hit the floor and see how long it would take before contact was made. Sometimes the hard candies would shatter into many pieces.

Other times it would bounce, and so we would just experiment with that while this conference was, was going on. And so through the entire conference, I got virtually nothing out of it. And if I merited anything from the Lord, what I deserved from Him was for Him to send someone to me to give me a very stern rebuke. But that's not what he sent my way.

Instead, he sent a friend. And during the last break before the last session on a Saturday, A man from our church who was 7 years older than me sought me out of the multitude, found me during that break time, and he said to me, Milton, I've, I've been sitting on the 2nd row, and there's a vacant seat right beside me. Why don't you come up and sit with me? And I thought, well, that'll be neat to sit right under the nose of the speaker and to experience that.

So I told him that I would, and we went up there during the break and I took my seat right next to this guy who was to become during that season of my life my very best friend. And while I sat there next to him, and listen to the speaker in that final session, God got a hold of my heart, just out of nowhere, my heart began to melt as I listened to the speaker tell story after story of how God had done amazing things in his life. And My heart began to burn with longing for God and to walk with him and experience His grace, the way that the speaker seemed to.

And when it was time to close in prayer, I just, I said these words to the Lord.

I said, Lord, I don't even know what all of this means. But I want what he's got. I'll talk to you when I get home. That's what I said to the Lord.

And I went home that night. It was on November 13th, and I wrote out a prayer to the Lord. I still have a copy of that down in my office where I just surrendered my entire life to the Lord. And in my mind, what I knew that meant was I'm not just giving my life to the Lord, In terms of my walk with him, what that meant for me was I'm going into full-time ministry.

That's what it meant. And so the whole trajectory of my life changed in that single moment, and I changed my major that I was planning on having in college from a business major to a Bible major and thus began a journey of preparing for the ministry. And I look back. And the turning point was that last session of that conference on the last day of that conference where somebody sought me out, came alongside of me, had me sit beside them on the second row, and it was right there that the waterfall of God's grace began to fall on my heart and get a hold of me, barring some later miracle at some other point after that point of my life, I would not be standing in front of you today.

I would not be. Pastoring this church, I would not be in the ministry today if it were not for that moment, and that man who reached out to me and befriended me. And here's what touches me about that incident. I deserved a stern rebuke from the Lord or from somebody.

But instead, God sent me a friend to come alongside of me. And that made all the difference. What that man was in my life at the age of 18, is what God wants you to be in the lives of your brothers and sisters in Christ. The passage we're looking at this morning in verses 1 and 2.

is a passage in which God is going to show you how to do that, how you can be an agent of change in other people's lives, the way that this brother was in my life, and what this passage does, and you're going to see this as we break it open, provides what amounts to a beautiful paradigm on how you can be a powerful agent of change in the lives of your brothers and sisters in the church. Essentially what we're going to see are 4 pieces of counsel that God gives to us in these verses that are designed to help you to be an instrument of real meaningful change in the lives of other people.

Let me begin reading in verse 1. Do not sharply rebuke an older man.

But rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters in all purity. Four pieces of counsel that we'll pull from this. Before we get to the first piece of counsel that we observe in verse one, I want you to imagine the scenario that Paul is envisioning., what is it that Paul has in his mind? As he speaks, these words in verses 1 and 2, is he just giving general counsel to Timothy?

here's how to relate to other people. Or does he have something in particular in mind? If you want to know what he has in mind, what situation or circumstance he has in mind, all you need to do is read the first few words of verse one. Do not sharply rebuke.

That's as far as you need to go to then understand that as Paul is giving this counsel to Timothy, Paul is envisioning Timothy and circumstances where Timothy is encountering significant shortcomings in people that are In the church, shortcomings, failures, and sins in these other people in the church that would no doubt bring about a strong temptation in Timothy to harshly lash out verbally against them. So Paul says, don't sharply rebuke. In other words, Paul's imagining Timothy in circumstances where that's going to be Timothy's natural first response.

Man, I need to give that person an earful.

I need to rebuke them. And Paul is saying in those situations where you see sin, failure, shortcomings, and your brothers and sisters, this is what I want you to do. Does that make sense? You guys with me there?

so here's the counsel. Basically, this is not just how to be an agent of change, but when you observe shortcomings, sin, failure, and brothers and sisters in the church, maybe you're not just observing them passively, maybe you're on the receiving end. Of those shortcomings, those sins, and you are left hurting and reeling. Maybe you're trying to lead a group of people in a certain direction that is a godly direction, but instead of everyone cooperating with that, there's someone who's actually in disobedience to what God's will is.

And so you're feeling frustrated and maybe even righteously indignant and want to give that person an earful. Here's how you respond in those situations. By the way, am I loud? OK, can we turn me down?

OK. Not all the way down. All right. We're cool.

All right, number one, counsel number one that Paul gives is this, when you find yourself in situations where you are now exposed to some wrongdoing, failure, shortcoming, and someone else, and to such a degree that you feel that urge to lash out at them, counsel number one, don't. OK, don't verbally lash out at such a person. Look what he says, do not sharply rebuke. Now, some of your translations, the King James New King James, the English Standard Version, just have the word rebuke in the translation.

I think that's an unfortunate translation, because later Timothy's actually commanded to rebuke in 2 Timothy chapter 4, verse 2 and 3, he's commanded to reprove and rebuke. And exhort. So Timothy actually was supposed to do some rebuking, but that's not the word that is used here. The new American standard comes a step closer to the meaning when it says sharply rebuke, but even that I'm not sure is strong enough.

This is the Greek word. Epe pleo epi, which is a preposition that means upon, and then pleo that means to strike at somebody or actually literally to punch somebody. Now Paul's not telling Timothy don't punch people with your fist, but he's talking about verbal punching. verbal blows.

He's saying, do not strike at somebody, do not deliver verbal blows upon someone, do not, verbally assault or inflict verbal violence on someone. I, I like the way the exegetical dictionary of the New Testament defines this particular word. They say it means to reproach or to snap at. OK, you ever snapped at anybody?

No. You ever been snapped at? All right, we've all been snapped at at least. and so we know what that's like.

That's what this means. Don't snap at somebody. Don't just, go unleashed on them and verbally assault them because of some wrongdoing or some failure or some shortcoming that is in their life. In fact, this is the Greek word epipleo.

We actually see the Greek word pleo, which is the root word that is found here back in chapter 3, verse 3. go back to that real quick, chapter 3, verse 3. An elder is not to be addicted to wine, or What's it say? Pugnacious, that's the same root word that we find here in chapter 5.

Verse one, it speaks of being verbally pugnacious. Timothy, do not be verbally pugnacious, do not verbally berate somebody because of some shortcoming in their life. I know you're going to feel at times that instinct, that urge, and it's going to be a powerful urge, you're going to be sure that it's from the Lord. Don't give into that.

Never verbally berate or assault or brother, a brother or sister in the church. there are some people that you meet along the way that seem to act like they have the gift of rebuking, like that's their spiritual gift. And they seem to relish rebuking and they relish other people rebuking, And they just, they like that and their their their practice is rebuke first and then ask questions later, and the truth is all of us to one degree or another, if you've been married longer than a year guaranteed you've done this, you've rebuked first and then asked questions later and got information after the rebuke where you're realizing actually I probably should not have said what I said.

and I think part of Timothy's idea, or Paul's idea here is that even where rebuke legitimately, appropriately might be necessary, don't make that your first choice.

Don't make that your first choice. Don't make that the first thing that you do. But especially regarding this particular Greek word that means to verbally berate somebody or to snap at. Paul is saying, Timothy, set this aside.

Don't verbally berate anybody. in Proverbs 29:11, Solomon says a fool speaks all his mind, but a wise one keeps it until afterwards. you need to be very careful. God has not called you to speak all that goes on inside your mind.

As you think about individuals or whatever frustrations that you feel, he's not called you to that. In fact, he calls people fools who are careless enough to, to do that. So Timothy, when you encounter shortcoming, failure, sin in the life of a brother or sister, you feel that urge to react against that by verbally berating. In that person being pugnacious verbally, don't give in to that instinct.

Do not sharply rebuke. Now, look back at verse one. I want to point something out here. On the surface, at the beginning of verse one, it seems like Paul is only saying, don't sharply rebuke an older man.

Right? That seems to be what he's saying. You would get the impression that OK, I can't sharply rebuke, I can't be verbally pugnacious with someone older than me, but I get to do that with people younger than me. Or I can verbally berate older women and younger women and younger brothers, but I just got to make sure that I check the person's age.

If he's older than me, I can't verbally berate him. That's not what he's saying. In fact, let me show you on the screen behind me what's happening in the grammar of the passage. there's two verbs in verses 1 and 2.

Some of your translations, I think the ESV puts three verbs there. but there's actually only two verbs. He says, do not verbally strike at an older man, but instead of doing that, Paul says, but encourage, exhort, appeal. We'll look at what that word means, but let's go with the word exhort, but exhort him, that older man as a father, exhort younger men as brothers, exhort older women as mothers, exhort younger women as sisters.

So he's not telling Timothy, don't sternly rebuke an older man. but exhort him as a father, but then you can sternly rebuke everyone else. What he's saying, as he's writing and his thoughts are unfolding, Timothy, don't sternly rebuke anybody. Whether they're older, younger, male or female, you need to set this aside, verbal pugnaciousness, snapping at, striking at, verbally assaulting someone, set that aside.

Don't ever do that under any circumstance with any of God's sheep. And instead of that approach, what I want you to do is to exhort. And that's the second piece of counsel that we observe here in verse one. do not verbally strike at or lash out at somebody.

Secondly, instead, he says you need to engage in a ministry of exhorting them. By the way, just from a pragmatic standpoint, we all know that lashing out at someone doesn't work, right? Have you ever lashed out at someone? Husbands, wives, maybe you've lashed out at your spouse and your spouse, and just you're mean, pugnacious, nasty about it, and your spouse has just said, oh, I, I get it now, the magnitude of my sin, and I'm, I'm so thankful that God has made you an instrument in my life to help me to see the sin that I've been guilty of.

Has that ever happened? it, it never works even from a pragmatic standpoint. On top of that, God says don't do it. Don't do it, even when you feel that urge to do it.

Instead, engage in a ministry of exhortation. Now, the word that is translated appeal in the new American standard is the Greek word parakleo. The Greek word kaleo means to call, and then para is a preposition that means to be alongside of. So to para kaleo someone literally is to come alongside of a person and to deliver a call from that position.

Literally it means to call from along one's side. so the idea is rather than talking down at somebody or even necessarily from a literal picture standpoint, being face to face with them and getting in their face and telling them something, the picture is rather that you come alongside of them. Standing side by side with them, and then you deliver your message to them. This word implies in a context like this, it implies movement towards the person that you want to minister to.

You position yourself beside that person, then you speak to the person from that vantage point. It's more of a brotherly type of connection. So you see sin in another, maybe that sin is against you. You feel an urge to lash out at them and either lash out at them or just walk away from them and say, I'm done with them.

And what God says is, no, here, here's what I want you to do. I want you to move towards that person. By the way, didn't God do that to you? Didn't he do that to us?

He, he moved towards us. He became God with us, Emmanuel. And now he actually resides inside of us. That's pretty close.

And he's changing us day by day. And so that's what God has done. So to Palle or someone in a context like this who you see sin, failure, or shortcoming, as you move towards them, you position yourself beside that person, then you begin to speak to them from that position of friendship, being alongside of them. I can't tell you how many times in my own life and ministry that I have had a stern rebuke speech.

Rehearsed, ready for delivery. And But in those moments, God gave me grace to say maybe I ought to talk to that person and give them a chance to talk, just find out how they're doing and what they're thinking before I give my speech, and there's been a number of times where I've sat down with a person, how are things going on, and they begin to open up, they begin to share, and 20 minutes later, I'm so glad that I didn't deliver the rebuke. Things are always simple from a distance, but you come alongside of someone and you start to look at life from their perspective and, and you see it in a more nuanced and accurate way, and that doesn't mean that rebuke is now not necessary.

It may still be necessary.

But you just realize, what, this brother or sister needs a little more from me than rebuke right now at this moment. The only way you discover those things is by moving towards them and coming alongside of them to where when you do speak, you're on their side. You are an advocate for them. Now, at the very least, in a relational ministry context like this, to paraaleo someone is to move towards them, position yourself beside them, and then speak to them from that position.

But the next question is, well, when I do speak to them from that vantage point, what do I say? What do I say that makes what I'm saying paraaleo. well, let me say this real quickly about the word parakleto. By the way, say that with me.

Pacaleo one more time. Pleo. one dictionary I was looking at said that among this word is among the most important terms for speaking and influencing in the New Testament. If you're interested in making sure that your speech is what God wants it to be in your relationships with others and ministry to others, if you want to be a person of influence, and I believe that you do, you want to influence other people in the church, then you want to become expert.

You want to understand what Paleo is so that you are Doing it effectively and at the very least what right now is instead of whatever Piccoleo is, it's not brutalizing someone. It's not verbally bashing somebody or snapping at them. It is the opposite of that. It's moving towards them and coming alongside of them and then speaking words that need to be spoken from that vantage point.

Now if you go through the New Testament, you'll be amazed at all the places where Palleo is used and what you discover quickly is there's no single English word that fully can capture the breadth of meaning of this term. Let me give you five ideas of this term. by way of answering the question, what does it mean to parakleo in terms of the content of what we say, there are some passages where to para kaleo someone means to encourage them. That person stands in need of encouragement, and you speak words that leave them in a state of being encouraged.

In fact, in Acts 15:31, when the Jerusalem council rendered a decision for the Gentile Christians about what they need to do and not do in terms of Jewish. scruples and, and so forth. They drafted a letter. It was sent to the Gentile churches and there were people that went with the letter to read it to these churches and it says in Acts 15:31, when they had read it, they, the Gentiles, rejoice because of its paralysis, that's the noun form of Palleo because of its encouragement.

So there are times where to Perakaleo, someone simply means to encourage them. There are other times where the word clearly means to exhort. To exhort someone is halfway between requesting something and commanding someone. All right, there's words for commands, there's words for requesting, exhort is right there in the middle on the spectrum.

of meaning and usually when the word exhort is found, it means to urgently request. It's not, hey, I'd like for you to do this. Do you think you might be able to do this? No, it's, it's a, a begging and pleading request that we find this in Romans 12:1 where Paul says, I urge you, therefore, brethren.

By the way, notice the alongsightedness of what he says here. Paul was an apostle. He had every right to speak as an apostle, but often in his epistles, he chooses rather to speak as a brother. He chooses to exhort.

He's like, hey, in light of all these gospel truths that I've been looking at along with you, I'm, I'm in your company. I'm a brother. You guys are my brothers, and we all are experiencing the same gospel. And as one brother, two other brothers, I, alongside of you, am urging you.

I'm begging you, I'm beseeching you. To present yourselves along with me as a living sacrifice to God. So the word can mean to encourage in some passages and other passages, it can mean to exhort with urgency. And then there's passages where to parakleo someone clearly means to comfort them, as the idea of comforting or consoling someone.

Matthew 5:4, Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be Pleo. I love that. people that are mourning and weeping, what? They're gonna get Palleo.

And clearly the idea is to minister comfort. When someone is mourning, they need to be para Kaleo, lifted up in their spirit. Some mourning over their sin, conviction over their sin. Those people are gonna get paraleo by God.

We see the same use in 2 Corinthians 2:7. Paul had written a painful letter, someone who was in the Corinthian church that had been involved in serious sin. ultimately was broken over that sin. He repented over that sin.

In fact, he's over repenting now because he's becoming overwhelmed with grief over the magnitude of his sin. And the Corinthians are like, what do we do with this guy? And Paul says to them, look at this, 2 Corinthians 2:7, So that on the contrary, you should rather forgive and parale owe him. Otherwise, if you don't forgive and paraalle owe him, such a one might be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.

So when you see a brother that is bowled over with conviction and grief over their sin, And you observe that you to Palle, a person in that state is to comfort them, to point them to the cross and say you're forgiven, and I forgive you. Walk in grace, walk in the forgiveness of Christ. We hit the mother lode on this word paraaleo in 2 Corinthians 7 where it shows up 4 times in just two verses. and I love this because there's so much texture here.

that's worth your study at a later point. Paul's describing himself saying, what, we had no rest, our bodies had no rest. We were afflicted on every side. There were conflicts without, there were anxieties or fears within, but God, who Palleos the depressed.

Periccole owed us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming, but also by the paralysis with which he was Palle owed in you, as he reported to us your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced even more. The beauty of this is here we have Paul and all openness and transparency. Saying I was tired, I wasn't able to sleep at night. I was afflicted from without, facing conflicts from without, feeling anxieties within.

I was depressed. But what, Titus showed up and Periccole owed me. You Corinthians have Piccole owed me, God has Piccole owed me, and I'm left now in a state of rejoicing. You see someone who's tired.

You come alongside of them and you get to observe that man, this person can't sleep at night. He's, he's weary, he's tired, he's afflicted, he's overwhelmed with conflicts and troubles from without. This person is roiling inside with anxieties, and this person is depressed. What does he need?

He needs to be Palleo. He needs to be, he needs someone alongside of him. Who can understand and try to see things from his perspective and then speak words that are designed to address those things. To Palleo, someone also means to preach the word of God.

To preach the word of God. This is one of the uses of the term means to point to God's word and explain, this is what God's word says. Here's what it means by what it says. I call you to believe what God's word says.

I call you to obey what God's word says. And here's how God's word applies to your life, and I'm calling you to apply that to your life. That's preaching, by the way, and that is Palleo. That's Meaning of the term.

In First Timothy 4:13, Paul says, Until I come, Timothy, give attention to the reading of Scripture and to the paralysis. It's the same word, just the noun form of this word, and to the teaching. So any time that you come alongside of a brother and you're like, Man, look at what God's word says and look at this promise, and man, you got to believe this and, and walk in this and here's how this applies to your particular situation as you're explaining that and making those connections.

From a position of being alongside of a brother or sister, what you're doing is you are parakleoing them.

There's one final. nuance of this term that we observe, and I'm not making this up, guys, this is in the text. it means to evangelize. to evangelize or to preach the gospel to somebody.

one writer says this, Paul speaks of his preaching of the gospel as Paraclesis. And we actually have an example of that in 1 Thessalonians 2, as Paul is reviewing his ministry with the Thessalonians, he says, we had boldness in our God to speak to you. What, what's the content of what he spoke to them? The gospel of God, that's the content.

And amid much opposition, and then by way of describing that content of what he spoke, which was the gospel, look at the word he uses for our paralesis. does not come from error or impurity or by way of deceit, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so that's the content of what we speak. Paul would say, take the gospel of Jesus Christ that I speak to people, take every gospel truth that I speak when I declare the gospel, draw a circle around it, and you can put a label on it that says Palesis.

He was comfortable using this term in describing his preaching of the gospel to both the lost and to the saved.

And so as you look at these passages, and by the way, there's, there's tons of others, I would encourage you guys to study out this term, and there's even other nuances that we don't have the time to get into this morning. My point is this is a massive term. That includes all sorts of things. And so that leaves us with the question, which of these particular nuances and meanings is Paul intending here when he tells Timothy in verse one to Perakalo somebody.

My answer is I don't know. I don't know. And Paul would say, Here's what. Anyone you're thinking about rebuking and lashing out at, how about you move towards them and come alongside of them.

Try to see things from their perspective, see what the real needs are, and whatever the needs are. Address those needs as you speak to them from that position. If they're depressed, if they're discouraged, if they need to hear gospel truth, if they need the word of God explained to them, if they're full of anxiety, afflicted from without, from within, if they need to be exhorted, whatever you see the need is, speak to that need. And when you're done, you can walk away and say, I have just per owed that person.

Does that make sense? I don't think we're doing any violence to this term to leave it wide open, and Paul's just saying whatever within this big word, whatever you do, speaking in any of these ways to comfort, console, encourage, exhort, explain the word of God. Apply the word of God, deliver counsel, offer help, evangelize, preach gospel or particular gospel truths. Anything you do in the life of a person from the vantage point of being alongside of them fits within this category.

We need to become. Expert at this. Let's go back in our minds to 2 Corinthians 7. Paul is full of anxiety.

He's not sleeping at night, and he's depressed. You might from a distance, if you were hanging out with them, observe that and say, man, what's with Paul? lately he's been depressed and it's obvious that he's full of anxiety and, and what, that's disobedience. That's disobedience.

We're not supposed to be anxious. We're not supposed to be depressed. And so I know I'm going to go rebuke Paul. So you go to the apostle Paul and say, what, dude, I've noticed that.

that you have been depressed, and what's that all about? the Bible says rejoice always, and again I say rejoice. So I just wanted to give you the scripture there to tell you that you're wrong to be depressed. And also, I've noticed that you're full of anxiety and what, that's wrong because the Bible says, in fact, you, Paul said, be anxious for nothing.

And so you're living in disobedience to God's word there. So I just as a brother, want to come to you and, and rebuke you for that. you can handle it that way, or you can say, I'm going to paracole oh my brother Paul. I'm going to move towards him and come alongside of him.

And so you do that and you say, hey, Paul, what's going on? What's going on? And you seem like something's wrong. What's, what's wrong?

And then he begins to open his heart and says, what, I, I'm really worried about the Corinthians. they've been giving me fits. I'm worried about their walk with God. I'm worried about the glory of Christ's name.

In, in their church and I, I've written them recently a very painful letter and I sent it with Titus to them, and it's been weeks since I've seen Titus and honestly, in all transparency, I can't sleep at night. I, I said some very difficult things in that letter. I don't know how they've taken it. I don't know if they're furious with me and they kicked Titus out of the church and has sent them back to me.

I don't know if they've repented genuinely and that I should actually be rejoicing right now. or, or maybe they've taken what I wrote and they're taking it very harshly, more harshly than I intended, and it's, it's beaten them down and just leveled them, and they're taking it to the extreme, and I, I don't know any of this, and I can't wait for Titus to get back. And so, yes, in all honesty, I've got anxiety and, and because of that I'm having trouble sleeping at night and feeling conflicted and as a result of that exhaustion, yes, I'm, I'm depressed.

See, if you took the time to come alongside of Paul and to hear his heart, you would realize, man, what this brother needs is not a rebuke.

He needs Palleo instead. He needs to be comforted. He needs to be encouraged. And that doesn't mean that you don't say anything to them.

You may say, Hey Paul, man, I understand that. Let's pray together. Paul, that the Corinthians are in God's hands. that you've taught that, and they're totally under God's providential care.

And Paul, God loves them even more than you love them. that, yeah, you're right, he does. And so what, let's take comfort in that. And Paul, I know your anxieties.

I totally understand that, but you got to Give those to the Lord, let's pray together. Let's try to give that to the Lord and entrust the care of the Corinthians to the Lord and his care. See, what you're doing in that moment is you're, instead of rebuking, you're seeking to understand, and then you're ministering to Paul based on what you've come to understand as you came alongside of him. Does that make sense?

That's, that's what God calls from, from all of us. You might see a brother in the church who's, who's weeping after the service. You don't go up to him and say, hey, the Bible says rejoice always. Again, I say rejoice.

No, you sit down and weep with him as he weeps. What's going on? Hear what he has to say and, and then ask God to give you wisdom to parakleo him according to what his need is in that moment. so Timothy, regarding shortcomings, failures, sins that you see in others where you might actually feel an urge to lash out at them, to rebuke them too harshly, or to snap at them, 1, don't do that.

Number 2, instead move towards them. And choose instead of rebuke, harsh rebuke, a ministry of Palleto. And then a third piece of counsel that we can infer from this is stay involved and keep on exhorting, keep on doing Palleto, however long is necessary. There's something that's really significant here, that doesn't immediately come out in the English text.

Look at verse one with me. Do not sharply rebuke that's heirist tense. All right? The picture seems to be of a of a moment of confrontation.

Do not, in a moment, as it were, come to somebody and sharply rebuke them or snap at them at an older man, but rather present tense, be continuously paraaling them. It's a distinction between just a brief succinct moment of rebuke of somebody and an ongoing ministry of coming alongside of somebody and being in there for the long haul, saying what needs to be said, being there for that person to make yourself a part of the solution, a part of the change that God wants to see in their life.

You encounter someone who's having marriage problems. What do you do with that?

You say, well, what, sit down. I got 30 minutes here. I'm going to walk you through what the Bible teaches about, about marriage. And so you give it to them an outline bullet point form, and say, study this, and basically, I've done my job.

Let's close in prayer. 2 weeks later, someone says, hey, they're still having trouble. I can't believe that. I walked them through everything they needed to know.

We all know that's silly. What a couple like that needs is they need you to come alongside of them, speak truth, comfort, and courage, speak gospel, make gospel connections, show them God's word and how to apply God's word to their marriage, and you do that, and, and then you do it again, and you do it again, and a week later, they forgot what you just told them. So you tell them again and you just keep, sometimes saying the same thing over and over again until they finally begin to get it.

It's just like with our kids, we don't, we don't just say, give them an instruction one time and then our kids for the rest of their life never need to be told again.

The same is true of our brothers and sisters, the same is true of us. God says the same thing to us over and over again. And so we need to realize that if you really want to be an agent of change in someone's life, then you need to lay aside any illusion that you just come in like a white knight in shining armor and you, rebuke and, and speak truth and then you're on your way. No, you come alongside of someone and you're going to have to journey with them and be in there for the long haul to be a help to try to gain understanding of what they're going through and then, and then day after day, week after week, maybe even year after year, be speaking truth and sometimes repeating yourself if you have to until they get it.

I love what Martin Luther says even about the gospel. He says the truth of the gospel is the principal article of all Christian doctrine. Most necessary it is that we know this article well, teach it to others, and beat it into their heads continually. He, that, that's a pastor talking there who understands what ministry is often like.

You just got to say the same thing over and over and over again until they get it and those connections are made. And so, a lot of times we don't want to get involved in this. It's like it would be great if all we had to do was come and speak truth and in one magic moment the person is changed forever by those beautiful words that we spoke, but that's not often the way it is. We need to be there for the long haul, come alongside of them, walk with them, journey with them.

And keep on exhorting however long is necessary. Don't sharply rebuke, and the way I like to think of it, don't punch and run. which is, easy to do, be there for the long haul. When I was growing up, my younger brother was faster than me.

And, the way he dealt with shortcomings and failures and sin that he observed in me is he would punch me and, and then he would run and it was the most frustrating thing because I would run after him furious so that I could. express myself upon him, but I could never catch up with him. And, and on the rare occasions that I did at that point we were both too exhausted to do anything, but that's how he dealt with the shortcomings he saw in me. He'd come in, punch, and then take off running, and We can sometimes be guilty of that verbally.

Just, when there's a problem that we see in someone and that problem has affected us or affected our kids and we're, we're really angry about that and we come, we get in their face and, and we start talking to them and we give them an earful and ladies, what, you get that neck thing going as you're talking to them and And, and by the time you're done, you walk away and you feel really good, that went really well because I expressed myself and I feel a lot better, but you leave that person devastated.

You come in in a single moment and you punch and you run. Paul says to Timothy and all of us, just forget that. That's not the way of Christ.

That's not the way to be a change agent. You don't leave a trail of change, transform people behind when you handle things that way. But rather than that, just come alongside of that person and tell me what you see. How can I pray for you and be a friend to them and, and then minister to them.

Whether it's comfort, exhortation, encouragement, teaching, instruction. Bible, doctrine, Gospel, whatever. Be there for them and be prepared for the long haul. God is there for the long haul for you.

There's a 4th and final piece of counsel that we can observe here that Paul gives to Timothy and God gives to all of us if we want to be in change. Agent in the lives of people, and that is intentionally cultivate a relational context in which your exhortations can be delivered. Intentionally cultivate a relational context. In which exhortations can be delivered.

Never when it comes to ministry and you speaking truth to other people and being an agent of influence for Christ, never underestimate, never underestimate the importance of a relational context with that person. And that's what Paul is teaching Timothy here. He says, do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him. As a father.

What he's saying is, Timothy, I want you, not just in your moment of paraaleo, I want you all the time to treat that older man with the honor and the respect and the love that you would show to a father. He's not telling Timothy, hey, you can ignore that old man, but hey, when there's a problem and you got to go to him, make sure you treat him as a father. No, the idea is, yes, in that moment, of Perakaleo, you are doing so, treating him with honor and respect and love as you would a father.

But Paul would say, I want you at all times to be loving that man.

I want that man all the time to get this vibe from you that you love and respect and honor him. And that's just the way things go. And then when something comes up and you need to step into his life, there's a relational context in which you are coming into that man's life. And, and you deliver that paracoleo.

In a way that shows respect and honor and love for him as a father, Paul then Elaborates further with younger men, relate to younger men at all times with the love, the camaraderie of brothers. He says, and the younger men as brothers, the younger men in the church, and that could include Timothy, people your age, and it can include people 20 years younger than you. It's interesting, he never tells Timothy to relate to someone as a father. To a son, not that that would necessarily be wrong, but he's saying, older men, you treat them as fathers, but anyone your age or, or even younger, even 30 years younger, you relate to them as a brother.

And he's like, I, I want you to celebrate your brothers, receive them, embrace them as a part of your gospel inheritance. That's the vibe that I want them to be getting from you to where you love them, you love having them in your life, you love living the Christian life together with them, and then when those moments come where, where they need ministry, you're, you've already got that relational context. To minister to them in. And then also regarding older women, his basic teaching is relayed to older women at all times with the honor and the care and the love that's due to, to mothers.

So the older women in the church should feel loved and appreciated by you, and, and you should honor them, care for them, and be concerned about their well-being, and that's the vibe that they need to be getting from you. And then when you do come to them to minister to them, there's that relational context that is there. And then lastly, Be relating to younger women. At all times with the love, the protectiveness, and purity.

That is due to sister's, your sisters, the younger women in the church, are a part of your gospel inheritance, Timothy, and I want you to celebrate them and, receive them as a part of your gospel inheritance. They need to know that you're glad that they're in your life and that God has given you not just brothers and fathers and mothers in the faith, but that he's given you sisters and you're thrilled about that. But then I love what he adds here, Timothy, in terms of your relationship with the younger women in the church, make sure that it is in all purity or in all chastity.

Not just chastity, but all chastity.

Timothy, you be extremely careful with this. Celebrate them as your sisters and cherish them as a part of your gospel inheritance, but there is never ever to be a crossing of the line to where there is sexual immorality that is going on between you and these sisters. And I think when he says with all purity or chastity, part of what he's also meaning is that you need to make sure that you never relate to a sister in a way that the thought even comes into that sister's mind that I wonder if Timothy's thinking something that he should not be thinking.

I wonder if there's more here than, than what meets the eye, and I think he's also saying, Timothy, you make sure That while you celebrate your sisters, that you relate to them in such a way and make sure that they relate to you in such a way that anyone around who's observing would never have a thought occur to them or a question where they wonder if there's something that is not chaste that is happening between you.

Love your sisters, celebrate them, but purity. Paul just, he knows the human heart. He knows tendencies that are still there because of indwelling sin, and he's like, Timothy, you need to be on guard. But let's sweep all of this together.

The point is, Timothy, I want you to be all about relationships. I want you to be Celebrating your brothers and sisters, your mothers and fathers in the faith, you need to be loving them and celebrating them and cherishing them and investing in and cultivating and nurturing this relational atmosphere with them so that in that context, whenever you minister to them, your ministry will resonate. You guys understand how important relationship is to ministry. I remember a lady that, a couple that used to attend our church, an older couple, earlier in their life, they had a daughter that died.

of cancer. And it was back when they were attending another church, somewhere I think on the east coast, and, but I heard from this lady 3 or 4 times how much it bothered her when she's grieving the loss of her daughter, that people in the church would come up to her and say, well, at least she's in heaven. That it irritated her to where years later when they were at Cornerstone, she's still complaining about that and how much it bugged her. But I remember I was over at their house visiting with her and her husband.

And we got to talking about that, the death of their daughter, and she began to tell me about a letter that someone had written to her during that time and how much it blessed her. And she said, in fact, let me find it, and she pulled it out and she said, Read this. This, this is the way to minister comfort. This utterly blessed me to tears.

And so I read it. And it was amazing. In this letter, this man from their church was saying, I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say.

I, I can't even begin to imagine the grief that you are experiencing, and I'm asking God, just, just let me in on a small sliver of what they are feeling so I can carry some of this for them and And just expressing grief along with them and coming inside their circle of pain and really coming alongside of them in that way to where he was joining them in their sorrow to the best that he could, and yet he was admitting, I can't, I, I can't even begin to feel what you're feeling.

And then amazingly, as I'm reading the letter, He said this, I find great consolation in the fact that your daughter is in heaven. He said exactly. What other people said that irritated her, but coming from him.

It meant the world to her. why? Because relationship. Because in that moment, he took the time to step inside and genuinely come alongside of them in their sorrow, and then from that vantage point of being alongside of them, he spoke those words, which feels a lot different than someone standing outside your circle of pain who won't come in and they throw those words at you.

It's very different. The difference is the position from which those words are spoken. So guys, I'm not saying that, OK, you see a problem in a brother's life and you're like, man, all right, I, I, I need to deal with him about this, but I guess I need to spend the next 6 months developing a relationship. I'm not saying that.

But before you jump in rebuking, come alongside that person and just in the context of one meeting, just say, what's going on? How can I pray for you and, and love that person. Come alongside of them and there may be opportunity even in that encounter to be able to say what needs to be said or maybe you'll realize I need to hold off on this because they don't need rebuke, they need comfort, they need encouragement in other ways. I'm going to close here, but I, I'm going to do one warning, OK?

in light of a message like this, it's easy for everyone to become suspicious. If after we close in prayer, someone comes up to you and says, hey, brother, Let's go to lunch. hey, sister, you wanna sit next to me next Sunday on the front row? and we can get paranoid about, so why are you now being nice to me and call me brother or sister?

what, just tell me what's wrong with me, just be upfront with it. But what, we don't just say those things and Act like brothers and sisters as a means to some rebuke. Let's just enjoy each other. That's what it's all about.

Let's enjoy each other as brother and sister, and mother and father. we're all a part of each other's gospel inheritance. Let's live daily in the enjoyment of that. And then when things come up and we, God, we feel like God wants me to be an agent of change in this person's life, then OK.

I can, I can step in and I can do that, but loving one another, being kind to one another is not a means to that end, but it is an important, thing to establish that context. So let's love each other and receive love without suspicion, OK?