The Husband & Wife's High Calling

Right, as you're finding your way. To your seats. There's a handful of items that we want to bring to, to your attention. And one of them is, I wanna thank Carlos Slimtiaco for teaching the Sunday school class this morning.

On gospel centered, parenting and, with that we've launched our December seminar on the subject of, of parenting and, do wanna let that like, next Sunday just like today there will be no first service, there will be no 8:15 service they'll only be this 10:15 service, but in the 9 o'clock hour we'll be having a combined adult Sunday school class and even the junior hires and senior hires we want to have in here also because there's much that will be said. that, that they can, glean and benefit from and we also think that there's, there's value in the parents having their children in here intensifies the accountability and maybe provoke some discussions that they can take home with them, and next Sunday we're gonna be talking in the Sunday school hour on the subject of, gospel center discipline, and I will be bringing that, lesson.

next, next week, a few other items that are in your bulletin, there's an insert regarding the upcoming Christmas program which is gonna be the Sunday evening of December 17th at 6 p.m. here in the auditorium.

That's two weeks from tonight, and the children's choir along with some others are gonna be presenting a program, to gather our thoughts around the theme of Christ's incarnation. And coming into the world in which we celebrate when we celebrate the Christmas, story, so there's information about that in your bulletin we would encourage you to make plans to come and invite friends and family to come as well. Also, our Christmas service is gonna be December 24th and. every year in our Christmas, service we take up an additional and special offering that we call our gifts for Jesus, offering, and the proceeds of that offering will go towards, just meeting the needs of a particular missionary family.

That we as a church have the privilege of supporting and this year's offering is gonna go to meet some personal and ministry needs of Lee and Diana Whitworth who are missionaries laboring for the Lord in the state of Utah. And a wonderful godly family and we're very blessed to be able to participate in their ministry in this way we'll be saying more about this offering in the the upcoming a week or two but already be thinking about what the Lord would have you to give in this offering you'll recall those of you that have been here what we do is we ask you to wrap your.

financial gift the way you would a Christmas present, and there'll be a point in our service where someone plays some music and you can come up. We're not gonna have a Christmas tree this year, but we have Christmas trees and, you will come up and lay your gifts there, somewhere, we'll have a designated area.

For that we do this to remind our children and ourselves that in a sense we're celebrating the birthday of Jesus and let's not forget about that it's one of my favorite times of the year seeing adults and children bringing their gifts forward for this offering. also in your bulletin is an insert from the nominating committee. It says memo at the top. This is the last Sunday.

This will be in your bulletin, and, you have opportunity, if the Lord leads you to do so, to submit nominations for the consideration of the elders, for the positions of elder, deacon, and deaconess also, and I think Mike said something about this. But there's a, a number of books that are specifically being made available for you on the book table, outside, and we would encourage you to check out the items that are on that table as you leave this morning. the book Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Ted Tripp is out there, one of the best books on parenting, in fact, the best that I've personally ever read and, does an effective job of showing how to apply the gospel to your parenting.

A book Growing Up Christian.

there are some disadvantages to growing up in a Christian home, but there's huge advantages to growing up in a Christian home that often get short shrift in the thinking of many people. And so this is a great book, especially if you are growing up in a Christian home, leading little ones to God. I believe Carlos made reference to this during the Sunday school hour, and there's also a two part, sermon, CD set, of, two sermons by CJ Mahaney on gospel centered parenting. And we would say that's an absolute must.

And those are being made available for you at our cost, to make them available. So a number of items on the book table also wanna let you guys know that on the book table, we've had a ton of these, gospel primers for Christians, printed out and we'll be, having, those on the table also as you leave, this morning. And, and the way I like to describe this book is, I've been going to church for 42 years. I have heard thousands upon thousands of sermons, Sunday school lessons, training union classes, and, I went to a Bible institute in Indianapolis.

I was a Bible major in college. I went to seminary for several years. I preached almost 2000 sermons, each requiring about 10 hours of Bible study, involved in preparation for that, and of all of that volume of everything that I have ever learned. All of the most powerful truths that have had the most transforming effect upon my life are inside this little book.

That might give you an idea of the size of my brain, but. these truths, are in this book because I did it for me initially selfishly that, these are the truths that I found to be so powerful in my life regarding the gospel, and this book is a help to me as I try to rehearse the gospel every day and I would commend this to you and my prayer is that it would be the blessing to you that these truths have been to me in my life, over the last, several years. So there's a lot of these that are available and you're welcome to get as many as you need.

also, Angel Tree, this is the last Sunday to register to give a gift for a child of a prisoner.

And also if you have signed up, gifts are due next Sunday after the service, so make sure you bring them next week. And, there's also a need for some people to help with delivering, some of those gifts. So if you would like to help with delivering those, see Kathy Dane. OK, on to the matter at hand.

I want to have you guys turn to Ephesians chapter. 5 Ephesians chapter. 5 For a time of study in the word. this morning, This is the 4th and the final installment on the subject of marriage as a part of our series to the book of Ephesians, and this has been by no means an exhaustive study of the subject of marriage.

I'm overwhelmed just as I've been sorting through what should I make a priority and what should I not, we could have a 6 month series on the subject of marriage and still probably not cover everything. if you would like more detailed teaching on the subject of marriage, we have a Sunday school class that frequently is made available, for, for that purpose, and so I would commend that class to you. Nonetheless, we're trying to cover as much as we can from the pulpit. And I introduced, gave some introductory truths about marriage 3 weeks ago.

2 weeks ago, we looked at Ephesians 5 and what God has to say to wives from this passage. Last Sunday, we talked to the men and looked at what God has to say to the husbands in the marriage relationship. Today, I want to try to sweep a lot of that together, tie up some loose ends, and offer some specific suggestions, for you. by way of actually applying what we have been learning, in this passage in terms of what God says to wives and to husbands, and part of the reason I wanna be specific today, one of the things that I've learned as a parent is the enormous value of being specific when speaking to my children and giving instructions to them, I find myself, and I've not decided to do this, but I just find myself if I'm saying to my children.

I, I like, I don't say to them anymore, clean this room because what does clean mean? And, and I leave it open to interpretation, and there are various levels of clean. There's spring cleaning, vacuum under the cushions clean, and there's clean it enough to make it presentable. There legitimately are various definitions of clean, and I have found that if I just say clean this room.

it leaves my children able to interpret that however they choose, and I have found that often their definition of clean. Is different from my definition of clean and so I find myself like yesterday for example I said to one of my kids, I want you to clean up this area and pick up that newspaper that's at the foot of the couch and those cups and glasses and spoons. I need those picked up and taken to the kitchen and that that dead rat over there. I need you to take that and throw that away, I found myself giving specific.

Instructions that were not exhaustive but just to stimulate their thinking that this is what when I say clean. There's also a danger of being overly specific because they'll do exactly what you say and nothing more and I'm sure we as parents have experienced. that as well, but nonetheless, there is enormous value in being specific so as to make it very clear what we mean when we give instructions to our children. I told one of my children about two months ago to put some dishes in the dishwasher and then, and then put soap in the dispenser so that it's ready to run.

They did exactly what I said. But it wasn't dishwashing machine soap that they put in the dishwasher, so there were a lot of extra steps that ended, that we needed to take in order to get that taken care of. They did what I said. I wasn't as specific as maybe I should have been, but let's not make that mistake when it comes to the subject of marriage.

What I wanna do today is just rehearse briefly what, I wanna talk to the wives first because that's what Paul does. and rehearse what we've learned very quickly and then give some specific suggestions as to how you can apply that. I wanna do the same to men and then I wanna sweep it all together and give a final ultimate challenge to both husbands and wives that in a way if we do that final challenge, it'll cover absolutely everything. And so speaking to wives for a few minutes.

we have learned, ladies, from, or you have learned from Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 24 that you are commanded by God to do two things to submit to your husband, which means you arrange yourself underneath the leadership of your husband and the home, your creativity, your abilities, your gifts, and your knowledge, and all of that is rendered in. Service to your husband and his vision and you are a part of a team. Both of you are a part of a team and you arrange yourself underneath his leadership.

You also learned in verse 33 that you are to respect your husband.

You are to speak to him respectfully, speak about him to other people respectfully. Your body language is to convey, respect you or even to think of him. respectfully, and even when you're speaking to your children, you are to speak to your children of him in a respectful way, generating, respect in your children's heart towards your husband and their father. And so that's basically what we learned and we did look at some specifics as we talked about that and my challenge to the ladies today is actively seek for practical ways to submit to and respect your husband.

you don't want to respond to what we learned by saying, OK, I know what I need to do now. I'll make sure I submit and be respectful whenever something comes up, and it's more of a passive. I'll make sure I respond respectfully if something comes up, and I'll submit. No, every single day, actively look for ways that you can portray.

this submissive disposition and respectful disposition towards your husband, look for ways and find ways, be creative and then act upon those things. And I wanna give you some suggestions along those lines and I wanna alert you now that every one of these suggestions have been stolen from a book by Wayne Mack on strengthening your marriage and but as I went through the list they were just very very helpful and I wanna commend them to you all right? and here's some of the suggestions that he gave, to the ladies in terms of how you can practically love your husband by submitting to your husband and showing respect to your husband.

His first suggestion was make your home a safe place of encouragement, understanding, and refuge.

give thought to. what you can do to make your home a place of encouragement, understanding, and refuge, you want to do your part in making the environment in the home such that when your husband comes home from work, for example, he breathes a sigh of relief and he is thrilled to be there. And I would especially commend to you ladies that even before your husband gets home from work that you think about his arrival home and you do everything you can so as to ensure that when he does arrive home it is immediately.

impressed upon him that this is a place of encouragement, a place of understanding, a place of refuge, and that there's these things that are in the atmosphere of your home and that generally there's a sense of order.

It doesn't mean that everything's got to be picked up and it's got to be *** and span and spotless. But that there is a sense of order you probably are not going to be able to do that all the time even but that you strive for this and if you have children you even mobilize the kids and you teach them to be thinking about their dad in this way and you prepare the home for his arrival. Now I'm not talking to men right now, all right? So when I talk to men I'm not gonna say expect your wife to do this demand it, expect to come in the door.

And have her remove your shoes and give you a foot massage every day. That's not what I would say to husbands. but this is what I would suggest to wives, and it's what Wayne Mack suggests in his book Strengthening, your marriage. Another practical suggestion is be trustworthy and dependable.

If you tell your husband that you're going to do something, act upon what you've told him that you would do if he has asked you to do something and especially if you've agreed, OK, I'll do that, be the woman that actually follows through with what you've been asked to do. and what you have, said that you would do in Proverbs 31:11. The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, it says the heart of her husband trusts in her, and that doesn't just mean he trusts her not to have an affair, it means that he trusts in her to do the things that need to be done.

She is a faithful, dependable person, and the heart of her husband, even when he's away from the home, just trust her to do the things that need to be done because she's faithful.

Another suggestion to you ladies is to do the work necessary to maintain a good attitude. Do not underestimate the impact that your attitude has upon your man. don't underestimate the impact that a good attitude can have on him. Don't underestimate the negative impact that a bad attitude can have upon him.

A bad attitude that you may be having towards him or against him, or just a bad attitude, period, about maybe people or situations, circumstances that you may be facing. Do the work necessary. To cultivate an attitude of contentment and to maintain a good attitude, there's going to be times where your husband is going to be facing some difficulty, some crisis. He's going to do everything he can to try to be positive and to be strong and to deal with the matter at hand.

And on a scale of 1 to 10, it may be a 5, and he needs to summon the energy to deal with that. Don't want it to be that on top of dealing with that, he's got a wife who's going crazy about it. So now he's got two problems. You want to respond to the circumstances of life in a gospel way, realizing that God is in control.

He loves you, he loves your husband, and God is doing something good. You want to have the attitude that your husband can actually draw strength from. to where you're not taking a circumstance on a scale of 1 to 10 that's a 5, and by your attitude you're turning it into a 10, you actually have a diminishing effect upon the intensity of the problem and a strengthening effect upon your husband through your attitude. Another thing that Wayne Mack.

Commends to wives by way of obeying this passage is to be free to discuss things with your husband lovingly, openly and honestly. And Wayne Mack goes on to suggest that you should offer suggestions, advice, and even disagreements and corrections to your husband and that you make sure that you do so in a loving fashion. Being submissive to your husband does not mean that you can never disagree with him and that you can never voice those disagreements. It doesn't mean that you can never rebuke your husband or confront your husband if there's a sinful attitude on his part.

You actually need to go to your husband and express those things, but when you do those things, you are careful, you think about how you're going to say these things, and you are careful to do so in a loving and a respectful way. You're not just expressing those things to vent without any concern for the hurt that your words may cause, but your goal is to be constructive and to be a loving help to your husband. In fact, the unloving thing for a wife to do is to never speak correction to her husband, what?

and we've known people like this and you probably do too, where a wife has never spoken up to her husband and meanwhile there's all these character flaws in her husband that have never been addressed because she's never been bold enough to speak to those things lovingly to her husband.

I told my wife before we got married, I begged her. I imposed upon her this duty. I said, if I am ever being a jerk. Tell me I require that you tell me because I need to know that.

And I place that duty upon her, and I can say that she has been faithful. In that duty but what? I there are things about myself and my behaviors that I would have never learned and never changed in if she did not bring those things to my attention so I've grown by those things and so wife you love your husband when you do bring up these types of things but do so in a loving and respectful fashion. also, Wayne Mack suggests that you work on the attitude of contentment and that you seek to be satisfied with your position, your possessions, and your task.

Ladies, don't wish your life away. it's easy when you don't have kids to say, man, I just can't wait till I have kids, and then you have kids and they're infants and it's like, man, I can't wait till they get out of diapers. Then they get out of diapers and. And and they're walking around and there's all of these, toddler issues and man, I can't wait till they get to the next stage and then I can't wait till they get into high school and then man, I can't wait till they get out of high school and I can't wait for them to go to college and.

And you wish your life away and you never enjoy any of the stages that you're in, because you're always seeing the negative and longing for the next stage. Don't do that. Whatever station of life you're in, whatever your position, your possessions, your tasks are at the station of life that you're in right now, be satisfied, be content, and embrace those things as a good gift from God to you. another suggestion that he gives, and am I on track with this?

OK, be long suffering, forgiving, and forbearing. Ladies, your husband is a diseased sinner, just like you are, and if you cannot learn to be forgiving and long suffering and forbearing, you will ruin your marriage just like he will unless he learns to be long suffering, forgiving, and forbearing. If you're a single person. Please learn how to be forgiving towards people that wrong you because it's gonna happen probably every day in your marriage and so what I've learned as a pastor, if you would've asked me 20 years ago what is the number one destroyer of marriages, I don't know what I would've said.

I might have said communication, finances, immorality. I may have said one of those 3 things, but from my experience in the counseling office, I would say that my observation. After almost 15 years in the ministry, is that the number one destroyer of marriages is anger, anger. And do not let the sun go down on your anger.

if you're not careful, you're gonna let anger build up and you let the sun go down on your anger. And you might think I never exploded today. So it's been a victorious day. what, if you don't purge the anger, And overcome it with good the next day something else is gonna happen and it's gonna pile on top of the previous day's anger and week after week, month after month, year after year of living with the same man doing the same thing over and over again.

15-20 years into your marriage you're gonna have so much anger and such an intricate network of of anger that has become your friend. It's become a part of your person you're not even gonna be able to see straight and know how to deal with that. Don't let that just pile up. Deal with anger in a forgiving, forbearing fashion, responding to the failings and the weaknesses of your husband and overcoming that with good.

And everything I just said about that applies to husbands as well. Also, ladies, show an interest in your husband's problems and concerns. we know that you have problems and you have concerns and you need to be able to share those with your husband and my exhortation to your husband would be for him to show an interest in your problems and concerns, but you need to show an interest and a prob an interest. in his concerns and in his problems as well, and to this effect, ladies, I would challenge you to be a good listener, be a good listener, as your husband, shares, I, I need to correct something that I said in the sermon.

last, last week, how last week I talked about a husband who was reading the newspaper about some study that found that women talk twice as much as men. Actually, to my amazement, I'm doing some info snacking on the Internet on Monday, and there was an article that came out on Monday where they gave the results of a real study that was done and found that women talk 3 times as much as men. And being concerned for accuracy, I just feel duty bound to share that with you, but they, they actually found in this study that women speak a little over 20,000 words a day and the average guy speaks just under 7000 words.

a day and, but nonetheless because of that it, it'll be easy for you to maybe interrupt your husband and, and not really sit there and listen to what he's saying before you're beginning to process out loud, and maybe not even letting him fully share his thoughts but really just apply James one, be quick to hear and slow to speak and slow to anger.

there are women that that I've known who have complained that their husbands won't talk, and when I watched the two of them together, I know why they don't talk, and that is because the woman won't take a breath, and there's little opportunity for him to do so, and when the husband does try to talk, he gets interrupted and so there's a point where a guy just starts to shut down and say, what? I can't seem to get out a complete thought here to save my life, so what? I'm not gonna say anything.

And I don't know of anyone in this church that's that extreme, but I'm just saying that, ladies, try to really focus on being a good listener to your husband.

There's a lot going on. Trust me, there's a lot going on in his heart, and you wanna be the person that he can confide in. With him knowing that you will listen. Also, ladies, and another challenge is keep yourself beautiful, especially in the inner person.

All right? You do wanna do whatever you can do to try to keep yourself beautiful physically, all right? And you do that for your husband just like he should do the same for you. But even more important than physical beauty, way more important than physical beauty is an internal spiritual beauty, the beauty of a meek and a gentle spirit.

that exudes from you from the inside out. At the end of the day, every man wants a woman who is spiritually beautiful. You single gals, please remember this. you might catch the eye of guys because you are physically externally beautiful, but at the end of the day, really what a guy wants.

Is someone who is internally beautiful. That's why these Hollywood marriages where men are marrying the most beautiful women on the planet externally and the marriages are lasting less than a year. Why does that happen? It's because there's a lack of beauty in both the woman and the man, and so you wanna really cultivate, inward beauty, spiritual, beauty.

Read 1 Peter chapter 3 where he exhorts you. To this, effect. Now, most, a lot of you ladies might, might say, well, of course, I wanna be beautiful externally, and of course, I wanna be beautiful internally. That's a no-brainer.

Why does that even need to be reiterated? My my answer to that is here's here's the reason why because there will be individual instances where you are tempted to try to get your way by being ugly and what I'm talking about it's easy sometimes to just say what I really want this and I want my way and you can be ugly and nasty about it and what you can get that and there are some women who have learned. That they can have an ugly attitude and get their way through that ugliness, but what, if you read the full context of Peter's instructions to women in 1 Peter 3, you see that Peter's actually telling women, here is the path to influence over the heart of your husband.

You do what I'm telling you to do, and you have this type of beauty in you, you will have enormous influence and power over your husband.

And so ladies I I wanna encourage you with this that take these words that I'm about to show you and put them on your mirror, your vanity mirror in your bathroom on a refrigerator magnet and fully believe that this is absolutely true and that is that beauty is power beauty is power you want influence over the heart of your husband, then be a beautiful person because I'll tell you as a guy one thing that's true about every guy I know and that is that a guy will do anything. For a beautiful woman.

We will do anything for a beautiful woman. He'll climb the highest mountain, he will swim the deepest sea.

He will even fix the plumbing underneath the sink for a beautiful woman. In fact, if you pursue this type of beauty, towards your husband, you will have so much influence and power that you will have to be careful as to how you wield that. And so pursue beauty and do not go the way of the world and pursue ugliness as a way of getting your way in individual circumstances. One last challenge to the ladies, I gotta be careful to not spend too much time talking to ladies because I know that some of you are actually gonna be tracking the time.

in fact, a guy came up to me last week and said, Pastorm, it was a great message to us men, but I noticed you took 3 minutes longer talking to us than you did to wives last week. And he just said I hope you'll take care of that next week and correct that. but anyway, lastly to the ladies, build loyalty to your husband and the children be extremely careful and this goes to men and women never ever criticize your spouse to your children just absolutely do not do that. Wayne Mack says in his book.

Strengthening your marriage, the wife's attitudes toward the husband are quickly picked up by the children. Lack of respect or confidence in his leadership, complaints about what he has or has not done will have debilitating influence on the children, and it can do enormous damage. And so please refrain from, from this. Moving on to husbands, husbands, you learned, from Ephesians chapter 5.

That you have essentially one duty that is repeated 3 times, and that is love your wife, love your wife, love your wife, love your wife the way Christ loved the church, which was sacrificially, purposefully. and, having the agenda that Christ had that your wife would blossom into every bit the woman that God wants her to be, and you love your wife preemptively, not waiting for her to clean up her act, make herself lovely, and do her part before you respond with love, but you proactively initiate.

Love in your relationship. And again, the exhortation to husbands is not simply, to respond by saying, OK, I'm supposed to love my wife.

I will make sure that I love my wife whenever something comes up, and I'll respond in a loving way. No, my exhortation to every husband is every single day, look for something that you can do whereby you are consciously, actively showing your wife the love of God. To where God's love is passing through you to your wife, you pursue that every single day. Now how can a husband go about doing that?

Well, in Wayne Mack's book on strengthening your marriage, he gives some suggestions to husbands. The first of which is men, don't let yourself become embittered against your wife for her failings and weaknesses. Do not allow yourself to become embittered against your wife for her failings and weaknesses. She's going to fail you just like you have failed her.

And when she does, you cannot let yourself become embittered and give way to anger. In Colossians 3:19, it's interesting when you look at what Paul has to say to husbands, look at how he words this. Husbands, love your wives and do not become embittered against them. if, if you just had two commands to give to husbands, would those have been the two that you would have given?

If I could state it in a nutshell, men, here's what I'd say love your wife, and don't let yourself become bitter against them. Would we have thought to word it that way? I don't think we would have and yet Paul does as he writes to the Colossian church and what he's saying is love your wives and here's one of the key ways to love your wives, and that is to not allow yourself to give way to anger and to express that anger and to become embittered against your wives. Peter tells husbands and first.

Peter 3:7, you husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel. He's alerting you to the fact that the woman that you are marrying is weaker than you. And by the way, literally, when he says weaker, what's implied in this, he doesn't say she's the weak vessel and you're the strong one. Literally, it's, you're both weak.

You're both weak vessels. She just happens to be the weaker of the two. And you live with her in a way that is mindful of that reality. definitely in most cases she's physically weaker.

You could probably take her if you guys got into a physical fistfight. she's also in a weaker, more, more vulnerable position in the marriage because her role is to submit to you and you could easily exploit that and so you dare not do that and so understand the weaker position that she is in. And also there may be other ways, even spiritually that maybe your wife is stronger than you in many ways, but maybe there are certain times of the month where she very clearly is weaker than you are spiritually and emotionally.

And what, when you got married, you should have known that the woman you're marrying is a weaker vessel and so when there are days and there are moments.

And there are weeks where she is clearly weaker than you. Don't be all amazed at that, and choose to love her. You should have known what you were getting into when you chose to pledge your life to her. And so don't, don't be all offended that she's a sinful person just like you are, and that in a given day she happens to be weaker than.

You are, you love her and do not let yourself become embittered against her and what, no matter how badly she may be acting out, how ugly she may be being in a given moment, that's the perfect of all opportunities for you to be just like Jesus is to the church when he loved us preemptively when we were unbathed and unlovely. That's not the time to give up and say, well man, this isn't turning out how I thought. No, this is a golden opportunity to be Jesus to your wife. A second suggestion that Wayne Mack gives is be a servant leader, be a servant leader.

Listen to what he says today when we speak of leadership, the. The first thing that comes to mind is an idea about giving orders and being a boss, but this is not the first thing that should come to mind if we are thinking biblically. According to Jesus' example, a leader is first and foremost a servant. The emblem of his leadership is not a throne or a club, but a big towel in a basin.

When we apply this biblical concept of leadership to the husband, we see that being the leader means that he must be the family's biggest servant. Would your children say that dad, yes, he leads our family and I can also say that he is the biggest servant in our family, or do you just try to lead from on high and tell everyone else what to do but you don't lift a finger to do what you need to do do you serve. your wife, do you serve your children? Do you come alongside of your wife and, and, and, and help her by serving her in the sense of helping to carry much of the load that is in the home?

What are you willing to do? I know of situations where husbands have, sat their children down and rebuked their children because their mom is. being run down by all the work that needs to be done and the dad is saying to the kids, you guys need to pitch in and you need to help your mom and this is what you guys need to be doing and the dad himself never even lifted a finger to do any of that. So he's saying the right thing, but he's not setting the right example of leadership.

And don't say husbands, well, I, I'm the breadwinner. I go to work every day and I earn the money and that's my service that is about the most demeaning thing that you can say to your wife because what has she been doing all day? What has she been doing all day? She's been working just as hard, if not even harder sometimes than you are and what?

She's got stuff she needs to do at the end of the day also and what I found as a husband, I used to think I don't know where I got this I used to think when I came home from work I was supposed to be tired I was supposed to be exhausted and I'm supposed to veg out and that is a biblical right that I'm entitled to and I honestly felt early in our marriage that I really had no energy. But I learned something because there was a guy that I played one on one basketball with a lot and there were times I'd come home and I'm like, man, I am just beat.

I just wanna veg out and and I wasn't pitching in and then the phone would ring and it's my buddy he's like, hey, you wanna play some one on one? Suddenly this energy just came out of nowhere and I began to realize, man, I got a lot more energy than I thought that I did and something must be wrong with my thinking.

And I've learned that there's a lot more energy inside of me than I was thinking early on in our marriage and I've also learned that even when you come home from work and you're tired and you're wasted if you are serving your wife and serving your children and the love of God is passing from heaven through you to. The, what happens? what that love does as it passes through you, it drops off blessings along the way and it nourishes you and you will find often that that is rejuvenative.

It actually gives life and energy to you as you serve in this way so men be an example, be an example of servanthood.

to your wife and, to your children, another exhortation that, Wayne Matt gives is pray with your wife. One of the greatest ways you can love your wife is to pray, with her. Pray with your wife. As a guy, I can say that one of the hardest things I ever have to do is to pray with my wife.

It is very challenging to do and it wasn't until a few years ago that I figured out why. And that is because prayer is helplessness. It's pleading helplessness in a public way, and a guy wants to be strong in front of his woman, and so you're gonna have to sacrifice that pride in order to join with your wife and come before the God of heaven and plead helplessness in his presence. Pray with your wife and if inside of you, you feel like, man, that's just so hard to do, I can pray with my brothers, but, and it feels easy and natural but to pray with my wife, man, that's just challenging.

Well, join the club. It's challenging for all of us guys, but there's probably nothing better that you can do for your wife and for your marriage than coming alongside of your wife and coming before the throne of grace together, with her. Make that a priority in your, marriage. also listen to your wife, man.

Listen to your wife when she speaks, and there's gonna be about 20,000 words a day. and, a portion of those words will be spoken in your presence, and you need to listen, and I know that you have the ability. To listen to your wife and watch television and read the newspaper at the same time. It, it's a gift that we guys have.

I know you can do that, but when you listen to your wife, put the newspaper away, turn away from the television and listen not just with your ears but with your eyes, with your body, and with your heart. Love your wife also by seeking to satisfy her varying needs. guys, tend to be fairly predictable. And what a wife realizes she needs to do for her husband on one day, that's probably what she needs to do the next day because he's the same old guy he was the day before.

but for women, as we talked about last week, there's varying needs from day to day, week to week, and month to month, and you have got to be a student of your wife studying her and discerning in this given moment what does she need and don't just fall back on, well, yesterday she needed this, so that's what I'm gonna do today. You can't do that. You're gonna have to be on your toes and discerning what the need today is and it may be actually the opposite of something. That she may have needed the day before so love your wife by seeking to know and to discern and then to satisfy her varying needs spiritually, emotionally and physically also love your wife by protecting her.

This means protecting her spiritually. There may be relationships that you need to tell your wife she needs to pull away from. There may be books that she's reading, shows that she's watching on television that you need to provide leadership for and tell her that she needs to pull away from, when your wife is being presented with an opportunity, for ministry, there may be times you need to protect your wife and say, what, given these other responsibilities and priorities in your life, I don't think you can do this right now, without being overwhelmed.

Some of your wives may be overwhelmed right now.

Because she's doing too much and you need to protect her by stepping in and helping her prioritize and then relieving her of some burdens that she's allowed to be placed on her and guys don't again you gotta have a servant's mentality with this don't just say well honey you should not be involved in this ministry because if you get involved in this ministry you're not gonna have time to cook me dinner and do my laundry. And deal with the kids at night and so what I I love you enough that I'm gonna protect you and tell you not to do this.

No what you may need to do is say what, this is a great opportunity you need to do this and while you do this, here's what I will do to help carry your load in some of these other arenas have a servant's mentality along with that protection. That you are seeking to provide for your wife.

And lastly, men, love your wife by sacrificing for her. Jesus had a sacrificial mentality. We've got to be willing to sacrifice our comfort, our preferences even for our wives. You come home from work, you're ready to just veg out, you're exhausted.

man, listen, you, you, you need to be willing when you come into the house if there's not order and instead there's chaos and there's not peace, but instead there's the opposite of peace, you need to be willing to sacrifice your desire for comfort and to veg out and. Say I'm gonna throw myself into this and to be the leader and the servant and the help that my wife needs for me to be and every day being the husband you're supposed to be involves an element of sacrifice in fact I would encourage you as husbands as you're driving home from work, just be praying God give me a servant's heart.

ready me to walk into that door. I don't know what I'm gonna face when I walk in that door, but whatever it is, help me to be the loving servant leader that you want me to be, and I have found that if I'm thinking that on my way home, by the time I come to the front door, I'm ready to do that.

and so whatever you need to do with God to ready your heart to be, the servant. And the protector and the leader that God wants you to be, and the lover that God wants you to be, you need to be willing to do that. And guys, we are amazingly out of time. Let me close with this.

This is an ultimate challenge to husbands and wives. You do this and I am sure you're gonna be creative and you're gonna find many other ways to, be the husband and wife God wants you to be beyond what we've even covered today and that is please men and women, let your relationship be shaped by the greatest love story of all time. Let your love story be found inside of the matrix of a greater love story, and that is the love story between Christ and the church. You go through this section on marriage, do you realize, and I've counted all the words in the English text, Paul spends more time talking about Christ and the church than he does you and your spouse.

and imagine buying a book on marriage because your marriage needs help, and over half of the book isn't even talking about you and your spouse. It's talking about another love story, and describing that in vivid detail. And then less than half of the book is actually giving instructions to you and to your spouse. just in this passage, husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

as the church subjects herself to Christ, so the wife should submit herself to her husband. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church, gave himself up for her. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ nourishes and cherishes the church. He quotes from Genesis 2:24, and we think, OK, he's back to talking about marriage again, right after that.

Quote, Paul says, this mystery is great. Nevertheless, what I'm talking about throughout this whole passage, and even in quoting from Genesis 2:24 is the relationship between Christ and the church. Paul wants, it's very clear that Paul wants you to view your relationship within the matrix of this larger beautiful love story and let your love story be shaped by that love story. Let me close by reading to you a lengthy quote.

But it'll just take a couple of minutes here. The greatest thing that can make or break a marriage is the mental image of love that both husband and wife come into the marriage with. Unfortunately, in the case of many, their vision of love has been shaped by the likes of Hollywood movies and Harlequin novels, romanticized daydreams and raunchy magazines, smarmy love songs laden with sexual overtones solidify the shallow view of love, luring souls onto the broad path to marital disappointment and ruin.

Of too few can it be said that their image of love is shaped by the greatest love story of all time, the story of Christ and His church.

Its storyline goes something like this a perfect prince leaves his castle in pursuit of a criminal maiden who sits condemned in a filthy dungeon. The prince dies for the maiden's crimes, but then is raised to life with full authority to do with her as he pleases. He comes to her in her cell and carries her to a faraway place where he can love her as fully as he desires. He washes away her filth, adorns her with beautiful raiment, and bedecks her with jewels fit for a queen.

Then he woos and cherishes her day by day while she learns to submit and respond to his enormous passion for her. Eventually his love so transforms her that the mouths of all hang open at her astounding beauty. She becomes radiant and ravishing and is presented to her prince in a wedding ceremony attended by myriads of men and angels. From thence the prince and his bride live most happily forever after.

This story surpasses anything produced by the pen of Shakespeare. In its cosmic scope, in its character development, and in its power to transform all who would yield to its influence, if a man and a woman wish to build a successful marriage, then let them become students of this story. Let them daydream and read and sing about it. In time they will find themselves being shaped by it and their marriage becoming a reenactment of it, and nothing so displays the glory of this story.

Like a husband and wife who are bent on cherishing and mimicking. It's every aspect. My challenge to you guys is to spend your time breathing the gospel inhaling the gospel absorbed in this gospel story and then let it give shape to the way you as a husband and wife relate to one another, respond to one another, cherish the aspects of this gospel. Gospel story between Christ and the church and then let your own marriage be a little theater, a little stage that serves as a local reenactment of this grandest of all love stories that now is shaping you.

I wanna ask you to bow your heads. The purpose of marriage is to reflect the glory of Christ, the glory of his church, and the glory of the relationship between Christ. And his church And is your marriage reflecting This glory in this way. Let's go before God and With hope in our hearts knowing that wherever we have failed that there is forgiveness there is grace and the experience of that grace only makes us wanna lavish that grace on each other and build a relationship based upon the hope of the gospel that seeks to mimic this greatest love story of all time, Father we.

We need to turn our eyes away from the world's view of love. We spend too little time. Absorbed in this great love story that Paul even just weaves throughout this text to husbands and wives. And our marriages fall short of what they should be frequently because we think too little of this story we think too little upon it help us God to fix our eyes upon Jesus and what he has done his relationship with the church, and that we would allow that to shape us and to mold us and to transform our marriages to where our marriages look increasingly more and more.

Like this other love story. That you present to us in this passage. Help us, Lord, as we seek to apply these things and as we seek to process them together in our care groups tonight and tomorrow night and seek to live out these realities that we've been instructed about today. We ask these things in Jesus' name.

Amen. We stand with me as we sing once again his forever. Jesus, friend of sin. Drew The For and