The Husband's High Calling

Friends and that you were reminded of all the things that you do have. To be thankful for. Cindy Okamura, we were hoping she would be here this morning to talk a little bit about the ministry of the week, and she's not here. Let me just say in a nutshell, the, the meals that we provided for the homeless and the needy people in the community, we ended up, this, that was this past Monday, we ended up having about 25 volunteers from the church show up, so tons of helpers.

And about 50 homeless needy people from the community showed up and. meals were provided for them. Steve McCullough presented a gospel presentation that was for the most part listened to and, and appreciated. there was one of the homeless guys there who was wondering what does the gospel have to do with Thanksgiving, but, what was also nice is it wasn't that there were 25 volunteers all sitting at a table by themselves watching these other people eat.

but they were all mingling and just had some great conversations, some broken lives, and some people really just open and frank about their own sin, their need for a savior, and how their sin has, has ruined their lives, and so, some doors were, were open in the hearts of the people who did come and, we just wanna thank God for. using Cindy Okamura and her leadership and all of those that volunteered for, for this ministry on Monday and thank you for your prayers also. let me make.

one announcement here because this is, relevant to.

To what we're, we're doing next week. Next week is December 3rd, right? And you'll notice in your bulletin that there is an insert called gospel centered parenting, starting next Sunday, we're gonna combine all of the adult Sunday school classes into one, and that class is gonna take place here during the 9 o'clock hour, all right, so at 9 o'clock next Sunday. we're beginning our, December seminar.

It's gonna be on the subject of parenting. If you're a parent, this will be very practical for you. If you're not a parent, but you think you might be one day, this will be very practical, for, for you. So, you have on this insert the layout of what we're gonna be doing over the course of the month of, December.

And why that's relevant to you here in the first service is that over the month of December there will be no first service so you don't wanna show up here at 8:15 expecting a service next Sunday we're gonna have one morning service and that's the 10:15 service. but during the Sunday school hour at 9 o'clock in here, will be the December, seminar, and again we're focusing on the subject of parenting and I want you to know that those of us, including myself that are gonna be speaking on this topic, we're not standing in front of you because we think we've arrived and we think that, we know more about parenting than you do and that we are some great examples of the very things that we're talking about, but nonetheless someone's gotta do it.

And So, what we're gonna do is just look at God's word together and instruct ourselves, and give us some biblical reminders on, some biblical issues with regard to, parenting. December 3rd, next Sunday, Carlos is speaking on the power of authentic gospel example and instruction, and then December 10th I will be speaking.

On gospel centered discipline December 17th we're gonna break out into different workshops and sessions based on maybe the station of life that you're at as a parent whether you have young children or teens, or adult children that are out of. the home or you're a young person and you wanna know how you can honor your parents and what your duties are with regard to your parents and then on December 31st we'll have a Q&A type of format here in the sanctuary. So that's what we're doing during the month of December.

Take a look at that insert, but please know that there will be no first service through the month of December beginning next week.

All right. Well, let me have you guys turn in your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians chapter. 5 for a time of study in.

The word this morning. We are doing a Verse by verse study through the book of Ephesians and as we continue in our study of this book, we come this morning to Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25. And my goal this morning is to try to cover verses 25 through the first half of 33. So we have a lot of ground that we want to cover this morning and look at the very first word of verse 25, husbands.

All right, that's our cue right there that Paul in this section of Ephesians 5 is gonna be speaking to husbands. Back in verse 22, the first word was wives, and then Paul begins to speak to them and give them instructions on how they need to be the wives that God wants them to be. But now in verse 25, he began speaking to husbands. And instructing us as husbands on how to relate to our wives and treat them.

the way that God wants us to, and so I wanna speak this morning on the subject of the husband's high calling, the husband's high calling, before we actually get into the Texas morning though, let me just, say a, a few things by way of introduction. First of all, ladies, even though I'm gonna be speaking to husbands today and will not be speaking directly to you, I want you to really listen in. I'm sure you will. and here's, here's how I want you to listen in today.

I want you to enjoy listening to God speak to your husband. From this standpoint, I want you to feel the sensation this morning of God coming alongside of you and wrapping his arm around you, and then beginning to speak to your husband and to tell your husband how he is to relate to you. If there's any passage in the New Testament that ought to make a woman feel very loved by God, it is this passage. And so as you feel the arm of God around you, and he's talking to your man, don't be looking at your man saying, do you hear what he's saying?

And you're dropping the ball here and here and here, you better listen to what he's saying. No, don't do it. Listen from that standpoint. Listen to God as he speaks to your husband, and be looking at God and realize the heart of God for you that is being revealed through the instructions that he's giving to your husband.

Either your present husband or your future husband, any woman that reads verses 25 to 33 ought to conclude, man, God loves me, and I must be very precious to God that he would tell the man in my life to treat me in the way that he instructs men to treat their wives in this passage. And then to the men, let me just say this morning that there is nothing that I'm going to instruct you to do from this passage that I myself have not disobeyed and failed at thousands of times. there's not one thing I'm gonna instruct you to do that I myself have not disobeyed and failed at literally thousands of times, and so I'm merely speaking to you as one sinner, to other sinners, I have fallen woefully short of the standard that we see presented in this passage.

and I'm gonna suspect that you have fallen short of the standard as well.

And so we're just speaking as sinners to one another. And please no men, like we said to the wives last week, to whatever degree you've fallen short, Jesus died for those ways that you've fallen short. He's died for our sins, embrace the grace of God. And let that enjoyment of God's grace inspire you to wanna do better with regard to what we learn in this passage.

There's some areas in my life that I can look at and say, what? I've done pretty well here I've done pretty well here and here, but when it comes to marriage and being a husband, I literally bow my head in shame and and humility because I am painfully aware every day. Of the many, many ways that I have fallen short of what God instructs me to do in this passage, in ways that have, brought pain and even reproach to to Christ and so I just want you to know I'm not preaching this because I feel like I've arrived.

if you're single and you're a guy, please pay attention to this passage because you need to be thinking about this stuff now before you get married rather than waiting until you get married before you start thinking about, well, now what do I need to do?

you need to start practicing these things now at the station of life you're at so that when you get married, some of these things have become habit for you. If you're a parent, you need to listen to this not only as a, as a husband. but also, even if you're a mom, you need to listen to this because if you've got sons in your home, you've got to get them ready for, for marriage and one of the things that I feel very keenly as a parent as my children grow older is I look at them and where they are now and some of the behaviors and I'm thinking, man, what is their spouse gonna think?

And, and, and I feel pressed upon me every day.

I've got to get them ready for this thing called marriage so that their spouse will be glad to have them. And so even if you're a wife, or or a mother or a dad, listen to these instructions so that you can get your children ready for when the Lord does open up the door for them. To get married. But nonetheless, I'm gonna talk to the men, and we're gonna look at verses 25 through 33 and look at what God says to men.

And guys, a lot of times guys are not very observant of things that we ought to be observant of. and so little things, a lot of times escape our notice, but I bet every guy who reads Ephesians 5:22 through 33, and you see the full scope of what Paul says to wives and to husbands, just about any guy would look at this and say, what? I'm not a mathematician. But it sure seems to me like God has more to say to me than he does to my wife.

And that would be an accurate observation. In fact, if you break it down by verses, there are 3.5 verses wherein God is instructing the wives, and there are 7.5 verses wherein God is instructing the husbands. So over twice as much content in this section is given to speaking to men. As is given to speaking to women and as a guy, I know for me being a guy, I like things in small concise bite size chunks and ladies, keep that in mind when you come to your husband with some problem.

Just try to keep it simple, concise, bite size chunks that he can handle, and being a guy and knowing that we prefer things that way and we see the volume of what Paul says to men, a part of us may wanna shut down and be overwhelmed by it, but guys, I wanna encourage you with this. I think you're gonna like the way that Paul speaks to you in this passage because in this passage, there's a lot of repetition. And guys like repetition, right? Well, whether we like it or not, we need repetition.

in fact, I was reading several years ago of a man who was reading a newspaper. And he laughed at something he was reading and he called his wife over and he said honey look at this article they've done a scientific study talking about trying to decide who talks more throughout their lifetime men or women and in this study they have discovered that women speak twice as many words. Throughout their lifetime as men do. And so he loved that discovery as he shared it with his wife, but then his wife replied, honey, we wouldn't need to talk so much if you men would listen to us the first time.

And I think many women can identify with that, but the truth is that we as guys do need repetition, and that's what you're gonna like about this passage. In fact, if you want the three point outline of the message this morning. you don't need to necessarily write this down because we'll rephrase this in some nuanced ways. Paul basically gives to men 3 instructions in verses 25 through the first half of 33.

Instruction number 1, love your wife. In case you missed that, instruction number 2, love. Your wife instruction number 3, love your wife. Look at verse 25 on the screen.

Husbands, love your wives, and then in verse 28, husbands ought also to love their own wives, and then verse 33, each man is to love his own wife. Essentially, Paul gives three instructions to men, and it's love your wife, love your wife, love your wife. Now what's interesting though is every time Paul says love your wife in this passage, he always throws in a conjunction like as or just as immediately following that command. So he doesn't just say love your wife, but he says love your wife as or just as and then he paints a picture so that we know specifically how to go about loving.

The wives that God has given to us. If Paul would have just said, men, here's your duty towards your wife, love your wife, period. Most of us guys would go, OK, I got that that's fairly simple, and we would have our own ideas of what loving our wife, would look like and we would think we're doing a pretty good job. We would think loving our wife is simply letting her sit next to us while we watch a football game on a Saturday.

Or loving our wife is if the baby's diaper needs changed, well, I'll love my wife and bring my wife the dapper so that she can change the baby. Or if the dishes need done, I'll turn the sink on and get the hot water running so that my wife can wash the dishes. We would have our own ideas of what it means to love our wife. Paul does not leave us to our own imagination.

He says, look at this in verse 25, Husbands love your wives just as. And then he describes how we are to love our wives. Look at verse 24 or 28. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as there's the word as again, and then he paints a picture so that we know how to love our wives.

Look at verse 33. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as, and there's that word as again. By way of painting a picture so that we know clearly how to go about loving our wives. And so he tells us to love our wives 3 times, but each time he throws in a different picture, a different description, so that we as guys will get it and have a clear idea of how we need to go about loving the wives that God has given to us.

Well, let's dive in and begin to look at these instructions. Instruction number 1. If you're gonna love your wife the way that God wants you to love your wife and be the husband that God wants you to be, number one, instruction number one, you need to love your wife as Christ loved the church. You need to love your wife.

Just as Christ loved past tense, the church. Essentially, Paul is wanting you as a husband to stand right here today in the year 2006 and look back almost 2000 years to something that Christ did in the past, and he's saying, look at what Jesus did in the past on the cross 2000 years ago, and then make that your pattern for how you love your wife from day to day. He says, look at verse 25. Husbands, continually love your wives just as, or in other words, in the same way as Christ also loved past tense, the church, and here's how he loved the church and gave himself past tense up for her.

So look at what Christ did on the cross and laying down his life for the good and the glory. of the church, look at what he did in voluntarily laying down his life for the church and make that your pattern for how you need to love your wife. Now, the deal is, guys, if we're gonna love our wives the way that Christ loved the church, we need to stop and ask, well, how did he exactly go about loving the. Church because however Christ did it, Paul is telling us to do it in the same way.

I wanna throw three descriptions at you that we see in verse 25, 26, and 27, wherein Paul is describing how Christ went about loving the church. Number one, or letter A, he loved the church sacrificially, and Paul is saying, love your wives the same way that Christ loved the church. In other words, you need to love your wife in a sacrificial manner. He says that Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

He laid down his life. He did the ultimate act of love and laying down his life voluntarily for the salvation of the church and just as Jesus gave himself up for the church, so you are to love your wife in the same sacrificial way, laying down your life for her. Now, most of us guys would look at that and say, well, I would die for my wife. I, I would lay down my life for her.

If a bullet were traveling towards her and I had time to react, I, I would, I would dive in front of that bullet and take that for me. I, I would lay down my life for my wife. And what, most of us guys would do that for our wives without even thinking, but we're not so much talking about that. As much as do you lay down your life for your wife day by day?

In what ways over the course of this past week have you laid down your life for your wife? Most of us guys would take a bullet for our wives and we would die literally physically for our wives, but how many of us men are willing to lay down our pride? For our wives, to lay down and sacrifice our desire to be declared the winner of an argument. We love to be the winner and are we willing to sacrifice that and lay down our own ego and pride and our own craving to be the winner of an argument?

Are we willing to lay down our love of being right in a situation like that? Are we willing to lay down and sacrifice our comfort for our wives? Are we as men willing to. Lay down our lusts for our wives so that we can be devoted to them entirely, body, soul, and spirit.

Maybe you have grievances against your wife and wrongs that she has done against you or things she has not done that she should have been doing, and you're angry and you're bitter and you have these grievances against her. Are Are you willing to lay down those grievances and sacrifice them so that you can love your wife as you should? Are you willing to lay down your favorite hobby or at least your enjoyment of your favorite hobby on a particular occasion when you need to be there for your wife?

Man, are you willing to lay down.

A football game and to sacrifice that, or let me, are you willing to lay down maybe one quarter of the football game? So that you can be with your wife, in a time of need. What are you willing to sacrifice and to lay down for the good in the welfare of your wife? The truth is most of us would die for our wives if push came to shove, but many of us can look back over the past month and realize we really haven't sacrificed very much of ourselves for the good.

Of our wives. And so that's a question we need to ask. Paul says Christ loved the church sacrificially, and if you're gonna love the church the way that Christ or love your wife the way that Christ loved the church, then you need to love your wife sacrificially in the same way. A second way that Jesus loved the church is he loved the church purposefully.

He loved the church with an agenda. he loved the church with a purpose. In fact, look at this, look on the screen because I highlighted the conjunctions here. That's exactly the same in the Greek text.

So I translated them all the same way. Jesus loved the church, gave himself up for her, verse 26, so that he might sanctify her. Verse 27, so that he might present to himself. The church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but so that she would be holy and blameless.

Very clearly, guys, Jesus' love for the church was loaded with an agenda, with a purpose, right? We have this wrong notion today that love should not have an agenda. You should just love me for who I am. And your love should not have an agenda.

And if your love has an agenda, then it's not true love. I want to submit to you that if your love does not have an agenda, it's not true biblical love. Jesus' love for the church had an agenda. If you came to Jesus when he was dying on the cross and said, Jesus, why, who are you doing this for?

He would say, I'm doing this for you. And if you said, why are you doing this for me? Why are you dying for me? What would Jesus say?

Would he say, well, no reason. I just want you to know that I love you. That's my only agenda. Is that why he died?

No, he died for our salvation. He died for our transformation and change into what God wants us to be. That's his agenda. And we don't just love our wives just to love them.

We love our wives so that through our love, our wives can blossom every bit into the women. That God want them to be. And I think that's how we can translate Jesus' agenda to our own agenda as we love our wives. Jesus loved the church.

He gave up his life for her so that the church might be holy, the church might become without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that the church would be holy and blameless, perfectly righteous and glorious before God. On judgment Day. And so if we're gonna love our wives with the same agenda, that means that your agenda for your wife is that your wife blossom into the holy and righteous woman that God wants her to be. And everything you do by way of showing love to her, comes loaded with that agenda, that through that love, God will use that love that you show her to encourage her and protect her.

And help her to blossom every bit into the woman that God wants her to be. We need to think about this as men. Christ loved the church so that the church would be holy and righteous and blameless. We need to love our wives with the same purpose that they would be holy and blameless.

I want to read to you a quote from RC Sproul. That might trouble some of you, but it's worth thinking about. He says this after marriage, the biggest single influence on the development of the wife's personality and character is the husband. When a man comes to me and complains that his wife has changed since they got married and he means changed for the worse, I immediately respond, well, what do you suppose changed her?

In a sense, the wife a man has is the wife he has produced, and if he has a monster, maybe he ought to examine his own nature. The picture I like to think of marriage is, I, I like to visualize it that I am the soil that my wife is planted in. And so you as a husband are the soil that your wife has planted in and what, if you're looking at your wife and she's all wilted and and and dying on the vine as it were, instead of looking at her saying man boy I picked wrong, you need to stop and look at the soil that she's planted in look at your own nature and what some men do when their wives are just wilted and dying and shriveling up is they look over at some other beautiful flower and say man I should have.

Picked her or I wish I had her, and some men actually have the gall to throw away their wilted flower and divorce her and go after that beautiful flower and actually marry that beautiful flower, but then something amazing happens.

Once that beautiful flower has been planted in that same soil, after about 1 year, she's wilting in exactly the same way, and many men look at that second wife and go, man, I just don't know how to pick them. Well, what your problem is? The problem is the soil that they're planted in. And so instead of looking at your wife and thinking you made a wrong choice and bemoaning that, look at your own nature, examine the soil that your wife is planted in.

And I think RC Sproll's encouragement is valid. If you have a monster, maybe you ought to examine your own nature, and then look at what he says here. He says, in the Ephesians passage, it is clear that the husband is responsible for the spiritual well-being of his wife. Her sanct.

Sanctification is his responsibility. Now ladies, your sanctification is your responsibility. You're gonna have to answer to God for that. But in addition to it being your responsibility, there's a sense in which your husband will give an account for his leadership and his love in the home as it relates to your sanctification.

It's his responsibility also for your sanctification. And then he says there is probably no male task that has been more neglected than this one. Now look at what he says next. And this, this might be unsettling.

In seeking the sanctification of the church, there is a sense in which Christ seeks to change. His wife, is that not true? The church was anything but sanctified. He lays down his life for the church so that he might sanctify her and help her to become holy and blameless.

Obviously he's seeking to change the church who is his wife, so the husband is called to change his wife. The change is to be toward a higher conformity to the image of Christ. We should seek to present our wives to Christ as holy and blameless without spot or wrinkle. Now, if that seems strange to you that man, so my husband's supposed to change me, here's what's even more strange.

Imagine your husband coming to you and saying, what? I'm gonna love you every day over the next 30 years, all right? And here's my agenda over the next 30 years. I'm gonna love you every single day, and my goal, my passion is that 30 years from now, you'll be exactly the same woman as you are today.

You will not have grown at all. You'll be in every way, shape or form, exactly who you are now, absolutely no change. What would you think of that? You'd probably be a little put off by this version of love.

Of course you want to grow and change. You're gonna want your husband to want you to grow and change. And by the way, ladies, you are called to be a change agent also in the life of your husband. First Peter chapter 3 verse 1, wives be submissive to your husband.

So that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Peter saying, hey, do ladies, what I'm telling you to do here in this passage, because if you do, it just might be revolutionary in the life of your husband. Now we can go overboard with this, but the point is men. Your wife's growth and godliness is your responsibility.

And you need to be a protector of righteousness in her life and an encourager of righteousness in her life. Her spiritual well-being is something you should be asking about and praying about and concerned about and you love her and as you're loving and nourishing her, your goal is God somehow some way use the love that I lavish upon my wife to nourish her so that she can blossom into the woman that you want her to be. And so Christ loved the church sacrificially, and so should we.

Christ loved the church purposefully, and so should we.

And then there's a third way that Christ loved the church that we see in these verses, and that is preemptively, preemptively, and so men should we love our wives. You guys know what it means to do something preemptively. Without making value judgments about this, here's the perfect illustration. a few years ago, the United States attacked Iraq.

Iraq had not attacked us. We attacked them before they could attack us. That's called the doctrine of preemption that was prevalent in the thinking of members of the Bush administration at that time. And again, I don't want to get into whether we should have done that or not other than simply to illustrate what it means to do something preemptively.

It means to attack somebody before. They attack you. It means to do something even for somebody before they do something for you. And so when we say that Jesus loved the church preemptively, what we mean is that Jesus didn't sit around and wait for the church to start loving him before he would then love the church.

It means that Jesus didn't sit around and withhold his love until the church began to do her. before he decided to begin to love her. It means that Jesus did not wait for the church to become some lovely thing and lovable thing before he decided to love her. No, according to this passage, Jesus began loving the church when the church was ugly and repulsive, and filthy, and rebellious against him.

Look at this verse 25. Husbands love your wives as Christ also loved the church, gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her. what that implies? Before he loved the church in this way, the church was unsanctified or unholy.

And then look at this, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, which is the word of the gospel, so that he might present to himself the church and all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing. In other words, here's basically how we can put this together. When Christ started loving the church, the church was unholy, the church was unclean, unwashed, had spotted and wrinkled garments, completely unlovely, not interested in the least in loving Jesus, and yet Jesus stepped out, took the initiative, and began to love the church.

And interestingly enough, it's his love for the church that he initiated that slowly transforms the church.

Into something that truly is lovable and lovely. There's a mentality that men have sometimes it's called a 50 yard mentality and that is, I will meet you honey on the 50 yard line. You do your part and then I'll do my part. I've been in counseling sessions where I've reminded men of their biblical responsibilities towards their wives and they simply won't do it.

They say, yeah, I know I'm supposed to do this, but they won't do it, why? Because their wife. Is not doing her part, she won't meet them on the 50 yard line and so they're not gonna do what God tells them to do as long as their wife is not doing what God tells them to do. But what?

Husbands, if you're gonna love your wives the same way Christ loved the church, you're the one who takes the initiative and loving them even when they're being unlovely, even when they're not loving you the way that they should. back in Bible times, what would happen on the wedding day is that when the bride knew that the groom would be arriving on a particular day, the bride that morning would take a ceremonial bath, and they didn't take baths every day back then, so a bath was very significant.

She would take the ceremonial bath and the bathwater would be perfumed with ointments and stuff like that and she would have her maidens sometimes they're helping her do everything exactly the right way. She would bathe herself and then, and then, her maidens would help get her ready for her presentation to the groom.

And she would get dressed with the various layers of clothing with all of its symbolic value, the maidens would be fussing over her and making sure that every wrinkle is removed, there's no spot, there's no imperfection, and they're applying the cosmetics, which by the way they did have back then. And and in addition to that, they're fixing her hair, making sure every hair is in place, making sure visually she is as perfect looking as possible. Meanwhile, the groom's doing none of that.

He has nothing to do with any of that.

He just shows up and beholds this perfect product that has been prepared for him. Well, what? Jesus didn't do that. He's not that groom.

Jesus came to the church when the church was filthy, defiled, unholy, and he did something a groom never does. He bathes the church. He washes us. He prepares us.

He takes away our filthy rags, and he puts upon us the robes of his righteousness. He ensures over time that there is no spot or any such thing or wrinkle, so that we would be presented to him perfect. Jesus has been actively engaged in all of that, leading up to the day that we are presented to him in glory. And Paul is painting that picture saying husbands love your wives in the same way.

Love your wives in the same. Way love your wife even when she's not loving you the way that she should love your wife even when she's being unlovely, but man, let me give you this encouragement there is power in love and just like we were unlovely, but Christ's love for us is slowly changing us and making us more and more lovely, it's his love that does that. So if you love your wife when she's being unlovely and maybe not loving you the way that she should, don't underestimate the power of that love coming from you to transform your wife, to transform her into something that is lovely, nothing can make lovely more than love itself.

Martin Luther said true love is not a love that waits to see something lovely before it decides to begin to love it.

True love is something that loves the unlovely. But then that love transforms the unlovely into something that is beautiful. And so when Christ started loving the church, the church was unholy, unclean, unwashed, spotted, wrinkled, defiled, and yet he loved the church anyway. And so to you men, I ask you, what is your excuse?

If you're gonna love your wife the way Christ loved the church, then you will need to love her preemptively in the same way that Jesus loved the church. So that's Paul's first instruction. Love your wife the way that Christ loved the church. He loved the church sacrificially.

He loved the church purposefully, and he loved the church preemptively. Paul then in verse 28 moves to a second instruction. And that is love your wife as your own body, just like Christ loves present tense, the church. Paul ultimately is now not so much gonna have us focused on what happened 2000 years ago on the cross.

He's now wanting us to contemplate the way that Jesus from day to day goes about loving the church at the present time. And he wants us to follow the pattern of Christ's present love for the church, as we seek to love our wives in the same way. Look at what he says in verse 28. He says, so husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.

Now stop right there for a second. As a guy, you would stop and think, well, I I know how I love my own body and I think that's what Paul is saying. I care for my body. I may not love the way my body looks, especially as I age and my belly begins to hang over my belt, and there may be things I don't love about my body, but I do love my body in the sense that I take care of it.

If I cut myself, I tend to that wound. If I need to go to the hospital, well then I want to do that, and every single day, probably several times a day, I sit down and I stuff food into my mouth because my body. that food and I eat food that is either nourishing for my body or maybe the food is not nourishing, but it tastes good to my taste buds and so I want to satisfy my taste buds and so every day that I feed myself, I am demonstrating a care and a love for my body. We also as guys love our bodies so much that we love to be comfortable, do we not?

There are men that spend $1500 to $2000 on just the right. lazy Boy chair that is ergonomically designed to fit their body and there's even adjustments so that they can lean back, recline, and it's perfectly suited to their body. They are 100% comfortable. Why?

Because men love their bodies. And so he's saying, love your wives, just like you do your own bodies. And so that's the first thing that our mind goes to, but then look at what he says next. He who loves his own wife loves himself.

Suddenly now we're going beyond where our thoughts just were, and we're realizing that Paul's saying something that's nuanced a little differently. Paul is not saying men, love your wives the way you tend to love your own physical body. What he's saying is love your wife as your own body because she is indeed a part of your body. Because look what he says, if you love your wife, you're loving yourself at the same time, by virtue of your one flesh union with your wife, and that's what marriage is.

In fact, look at verse 31, he quotes from Genesis 2:24. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, glued to his wife, fused to his wife, and the two shall become 11 flesh. And so, the moment that a man gets married, his ego, his sense of self expands to now include his wife. And Paul says, your wife is actually a part of your body, you are one with her.

And so when you love your wife, you're loving yourself at the same time, loving your wife is one of the best ways to be good to yourself. If you want to know one of the greatest ways you can. Go about loving yourself every single day, well then love your wife, who is one flesh with you, and you will be loving yourself in the process. Verse 29, for no one ever hated his own flesh, just in the normal.

I know there's people that are really messed up and, and it could be said that they do hate their own flesh in some ways, but Speaking typically of average people, no one ever hates his own flesh. But what do we do? We nourish, and we cherish our own bodies, just as Christ also does the church. You see, ultimately, it goes back to Jesus again.

He's really saying love your wife the same way Christ loves the church. How does Christ love the church? Christ loves the church as his own body. He calls us his body.

He nourishes and he cherishes us as his own body, verse 30, because we are members of his body. And so Jesus is day by day, present tense, continuously nourishing and cherishing. The church who is his bride, his body by virtue of his union with the church, Jesus is loving himself by loving the church, nourishing and cherishing the church day by day, and Paul says husbands love your wives in the same way. Now let's look just quickly at what it means to nourish and cherish.

The word nourish can mean to fatten. That doesn't mean fatten your wives, but it means to fatten, to feed, to nourish, even to nurse. It's used of a mother nursing, a child, in Luke chapter 23 verse 29. And so that's what it means to nourish, and we need to nourish our wives.

In other words, our prayer ought to be that. That God's fullness, His love is passing through us to our wives, and our wives are being nourished, spiritually fattened, emotionally, fed and nourished by God through us. And then also the word cherishes is a, is a very powerful word. It means to show affection and tender care for literally, this Greek word translated cherish means to warm.

and, and it's not the warm like, well, I see you're cold, so I'm going to put a heater over next to you, and then so that I can thereby warm you. It literally means to give your own warmth to another person. just like there have been times I've seen one of my children shivering in the morning, and I will then draw them close to me and hold them. Why?

Because they're shivering and they're cold, and I got something they need, and that is physical warmth. And so how do I pass that warmth onto them? Do I stand 10 ft away and say. Warmed child.

No, I don't do that from a distance. I draw them close to me and in close proximity with me, with them, their bodies touching my body, something I have that they need can pass from me to them, and that is warmth. And I'll tell you guys, as I study these words, what hits me is, man, I gotta be walking with God every single day. I need to be passionate about my relationship with God.

I need to be receiving from God so much every single day, not only for me, but also so that I can have something that my wife needs. And then how do I transfer that to my wife? Do I do so from across the room in a distant relationship? No.

as a husband, I should draw her close to me and it's in close proximity in a close relationship. That what I have from God can warm her, and bless her, and be passed on to her. That's the way Jesus is towards us. He loves us.

He cherishes us. He tells us, abide in me, let me abide in you, so that you can bear fruit apart from me, you can do nothing. Jesus allows us to be intimate and close to him, so that what he has can pass from him to us. And so husbands, we need to be intimate with our wives, not only physically but spiritually and emotionally so that what we have can pass from us to them and we can cherish them and warm them and nourish them in the same way that Jesus nourishes and cherishes us who are members of the church.

Well, the last instruction Paul gives, and we're only gonna spend a minute here because. This is actually just a summary of the previous two. Look at what he says in verse 33. He says, nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife, even as himself.

In other words, what he's saying is love your wife as you typically do yourself, and there's nothing wrong with loving yourself. That's just a normal part of human existence. But he's saying the way that you tend to love yourself, love your wife in the same way. In other words, think about the way that you want to be treated.

Don't you want to be well treated? Don't you want to be loved? Don't you want to be respected? Don't you want to be treated kindly?

Is it not true that you want to be forgiven when you Fall short, even if your failures are significant and major. Well, all the ways that you would love to be treated by other people, including your wife, you love your wife in exactly that way, as you would have her do unto you, so do unto her. And by the way, look at verse 33 more carefully. He says, nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself.

You see that word also? what that means? Again, he's talking about love your wife the way Christ loves the church. This is the way Jesus loves the church, as Paul has been describing, and now he's saying each individual among you is also just as Jesus does, you also are to love your wife in exactly this way.

Now just one caution I think is in order. Men and women are very different, extremely different, so different that you can speculate sometimes that we're completely different species. We feel things differently, we think in different ways we communicate. in, in different ways, and all of those differences are brought together in the marriage relationship, and that can be a beautiful combination.

It could also be a painful and an explosive combination where men and women, I've talked to men and women who have been married for 2030 years and have no clue, they're more lost than they were 30 years earlier as to how to really relate to one another and meet each other's needs because they're so different. And they don't stop and think about those differences and then love each other according to those differences. A problem is that a guy says, well, this is the way I am and this is what I would want, so I'll just love my wife the way that I would want to be loved.

Well, understand that your wife is not exactly like you.

And so let me word it this way. I'm not saying, and Paula is not saying love your wife the way you as a guy want to be loved, but love your wife the way you would want to be loved if you were her. Really try to put yourself in her shoes and try to be a student of your wife and understand her study her there are things she wants from you that you would never even think to want from her because those are not necessarily needs that are in your life, but as you. Study her and observe her and take mental notes and even notes on paper observe what she needs and it's gonna be tough because on Monday she's gonna need something from you.

Maybe on Monday she's gonna need a hug from you and a lot of physical closeness, but on Tuesday she wants you 20 ft away from her. things like that happen and so don't, don't think, well, I got my wife figured out because as soon as you do that the next day, it's gonna be a little bit different. And so you don't wanna fall into habits and patterns, be a student of your wife and love her the way you would want to be loved if you were her and that's exactly. Why Peter in 1 Peter chapter 3 says husbands dwell with your wives literally according to knowledge, according to knowledge, that's the knowledge of God's word, but it's also according to a knowledge of your wife.

Study your wife, gain knowledge about her, become a student of her, and then love her according to her needs. If you were her based on what you're learning about her, how would you want to be loved? And then you love her. In exactly that way.

Well, what we're gonna do, guys, is next Sunday, my plan is, Lord willing. we've talked to wives and have exposited the text, but there's some practical things that I wanna say to the wives that we, Lord willing, will say next week. There's also some practical things that I wanna say to the husbands by way of applying what we've learned that I would like to say next week and I also, want to talk briefly next Sunday about this whole notion of Christ's relationship to the church and why Paul keeps using that as a backdrop.

to show us how we need to relate to one another as husband and wife, and so next Sunday we're gonna try to tie up some of those loose ends and bring some closure to our study of this most critical topic of marriage.

That's my phone. That's never happened before. But what, guys, let me say this. I, I said 3 weeks ago that When the devil wants to attack a society, he attacks the church first.

When he wants to attack the church and destroy a church, he begins by attacking families in the church. And when the devil attacks families, the first point of attack is he attacks the marriage. And so based on that, I have no doubt in my mind that every one of you that are married are under attack every single day. And there probably is not a one of you coming in here saying, man, we are nailing this and this is actually amazingly easy and where's the opposition to having a good marriage?

None of us are thinking that and so I know that this is a point of attack both in your own heart and in the dynamic of how you and your spouse relate to one another, but here's the beautiful thing in this fallen world that we live in God. Speaks to us and says, here's what I want you to do, and if you do this, you will have a marriage that is pleasing to me. And your marriage will be. An increasing blessing in your life and ultimately your marriage will do a wonderful job of depicting the glory of Christ's relationship to the church which is the ultimate purpose of your marriage in the first place that you as husbands would display Christ to your wives wives that you would relate to your husband the way that the church relates to Jesus and in so doing you both together.

Serve as a local reenactment of. That displays the glory of Christ's relationship to the church. This is possible, and it's doable. And God calls us to this.

Let me ask you to bow your heads. Even if you're not married and. Let's say you never do get married. Please pray for the married people of this church, the married people in your life.

I know when I was single, I looked at married people and the way they carried on and got along or didn't get along and I just thought, man, what's the deal with them? And it just seems so simple to me, but as a married man, it's not. And I know even today, it's like looking at what scripture says, All right, I want to do this, but there's a history, a history of failure, there's There's also history between you and your spouse and grievances and cycles of behavior that have only intensified, and you get in that rut and how do you break out of that rut and.

These things are difficult.

But Paul knows he's talking to people that have been married for 1 year and 30 years, 40 years, and he's showing the better way. And I'm convinced folks that this is exactly why Paul did not begin in Ephesians chapter 1 verse 1 by saying husbands love your wives, wives submit. No, he spends chapters 123, much of chapter 4, parts of chapter 5 giving us gospel, and it's only then that he actually begins to instruct us as husbands and wives based on those gospel realities. And so husbands and wives, let's be immersed in the gospel.

Christ died for us. He died so that our sins would be forgiven. Our marital sins that they would be forgiven. That we would enjoy that grace.

And then being motivated by that grace, just soar. And obeying what he tells us to do in a passage such as this. Paul's not trying to beat any of us down. He's trying to inspire us.

And so let's let ourselves be inspired by the gospel that Paul has given to us by way of preparing us for these instructions as husbands and wives. Let's talk to the Lord in prayer. Heavenly Father. We do fall so far short, and the temptation is to lower the biblical standards so that we feel less guilt, but.

We can't do that, Lord. This is what you tell us to do. But for where we fall short, you give us your grace, and so help us to savor this grace, to cherish it. Help us as men to be leaders of love in our home, to love our wives, to take the initiative, to show the way.

We would not be tyrants and lorded over them, but that we would be loving leaders who lead in love. And we love sacrificially, purposefully. We love preemptively and so display the glory of your love for the church. Continue to guide us, Lord, as we teach these things to ourselves as we seek to speak these things to one another and further learn of all that you have for us in this passage.

And we just give ourselves to You, Lord, in the name of Jesus, and all God's people said, Amen. Please stand with me as we sing a closing song and may this be our prayer for this week.