Encouragements for Dads

Well, I have one final gift to give to you men, and that is a sermon. And, I do not intend to, to beat you up this Father's Day. In fact, the title of the message is encouragements for, for dads. I, this week, to an unusual degree, I've been relishing one of the perks of being a pastor.

And one of those perks is that you get to choose your own Father's Day sermon. And, in all seriousness, the week leading up to Father's Day, I asked myself, what sermon does Milton want to hear this, this Father's Day, and you might think because of that, that, if I allow that thought to give shape to the message that my Father's Day sermons tend to be very easy on the dads, but actually, it, it hasn't been that way because a lot of times I've really felt like I needed to be challenged or rebuked and I've been up here preaching to myself as much as to any other man.

But I personally feel the need this year and in talking with some of our men, here at Cornerstone, I just, I feel the need to take our time that we have for the sermon time this morning to just minister encouragements to, to the dads. The truth is, our men do need encouragement.

I was reading a chapter from a book entitled Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood. This chapter was, the, the author was a guy named HB London Jr. and he gave the following stats. He says 75% of men are not satisfied with themselves as fathers.

So more men than not are discouraged. About themselves as dads, 43% feel a deep sense of failure about their past as they look at the job they've done as a husband and as a dad. They feel a deep sense of failure, and what he's conveying there, it's not just that. 43% of men look back on their track record and say, I think I failed a few times.

No, these are, these are men who feel like a failure. That's who they are. An F right emblazoned in the middle of their forehead. They are a failure as a husband and as a father.

So almost half of men in the church, that's where these stats came from, are feeling like they are a failures. 75% of these men have feelings that they don't share. with anybody in terms of what they're feeling that they don't tend to sit around and share, listen to London as he continues on. He says Christian men feel insecure, ganged up on, beaten down, and unsure what to do.

Many carry a load of guilt and failure about their lives. Men are afraid to talk because they believe people will think less of them. Many men feel bullied by their backgrounds, wounded, angry, visionless. Most have no concept of what it means to be a man.

They feel bullied by the political correctness of our culture. Social confusion exists between men and women as a result of the gender revolution. They, men, feel paralyzed by feelings of inadequacy. And for you ladies, I hope that doesn't, maybe that does come as a surprise to you and you're like, man, I, I would have never known that about my husband.

He's never confessed to feeling, feelings of inadequacy, and that's the point. Men don't do that. men don't sit around and just say, I've just been feeling, fragile lately and feelings of inadequacy, and I just wanted to process that with you. Guys don't do that thing and what they tend to do is they, they feel those feelings and they carry them around, but they just try to bury them rather than giving life to them by speaking them.

Out, loud. But the truth is, according to what our brother HB London is saying and what he's found as a pastor and from the survey that he's referring to here, men today in the church today stand in great need of encouragement. And so I would like to make an attempt to deliver some encouragement to the men of Cornerstone, today, and we'll break it down this way, with the time we Have, I want to try to give you 7 encouragements as dads. This, I'm sure could apply sometimes to moms or in whatever other role of life you are in.

There's enough in here that I think would be broadly applicable to everybody, but specifically, I am talking to dads and want to give to dads 7 encouragements to, to lift you up in your role. You guys know this is true that when, when you're in a discouraged state, Everything's difficult. Everything's daunting. Everything is heavier.

obstacles seem more insurmountable, but when you're encouraged, it's amazing, the same circumstances are faced, differently. And so, being encouraged in your role is, is vital and hopefully we can minister some of that encouragement today. So, you ready? 7 encouragements and the first of those encouragements that I'd like to pass on to you men is if you are feeling inadequate in your role, that's, OK.

If you're feeling inadequate in your role, that's OK. In fact, if it's any help to you at all, I, I shared with the men recently, at a men's breakfast, I believe that, that of all the things that I do as a pastor, even standing in front of you guys as a congregation or sometimes speaking somewhere else that I get really freaked out and nervous about, and sometimes difficult counseling situations. All the stuff that I do in a normal given week in the way of ministry and in my home life and so forth.

I'm, I'm totally being honest with you when I say that my most, normally, in a normal week, my most intense feelings of inadequacy are felt inside the walls of my own home.

In my role as a husband, And as a dad. And the funny thing is, is, I went to college, I was a Bible major. I took 4 years of Bible classes, theology classes, and, and I minored in speech so that I could learn how to speak Bible and minister to people and then I went to seminary and took more theology and Bible classes and Greek and Hebrew and Aramaic and all that mess and, and took some more classes on how to speak God's truth. And the funny thing is, is all of that training doesn't begin to touch those feelings of inadequacy that I often feel inside the walls of my own home.

I don't know if that's any encouragement for you. I, I think there may be some guys that are thinking, man, if I could just get some training or I could, if I could go to seminary and, and get some degree that would take care of those feelings of inadequacy, and I'm just here to testify that all of that training doesn't touch those. Feelings of inadequacy. Many men feel inadequate in their role that God has given to them as husbands and as dads, and the, the problem with that is that they tend to think they're the only ones that feel that way, that they're uniquely inadequate.

But I want to just encourage you men with the thought that if you feel inadequate, that's OK, and also you actually should feel inadequate. In fact, if you're not feeling inadequate, then we probably need to talk because you're not seeing something that you need to be seeing. Your task as a father is a humanly impossible task. Do you understand that?

the children that, according to our theology, according to what the Bible teaches, God gives you children, and they come out of the womb. With, total depravity, with indwelling sin inside of them. Psalm 51:5, they were brought forth in iniquity and in sin, their mother conceived them. I'm quoting the scripture there.

and foolishness, according to Solomon is bound up in the heart of a child, and so they have sin inside of them that is so significant, so serious that apart from divine intervention, that sin inside of them will destroy them. And so here these children come to you from day one with this fundamental problem and God says, train them up. And train them up to be arrows that you can fire in a future day to do damage to the kingdom of Satan. That's an impossible task, and you should feel inadequate in that role.

I love the example of the apostle Paul who was called by God to be an apostle, and amazingly he felt inadequate as an apostle and amazingly as a guy. He confessed those feelings of inadequacy. He talked about those feelings to people. That's how we know that he felt that way in 2 Corinthians 2:16, talking about his ministry.

He says, Who is adequate for these things? I'm not. None of us are adequate for these things. 2 Corinthians 3:5, as he's continuing to talk about the ministry that God has given to him, he says, not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves.

What he's saying there is, I'm not adequate for this role that God has given to me to be an apostle. So Paul was a guy who felt inadequate in the ministry God had given to him. He confessed those feelings of inadequacy, but what I love about Paul is, even though he felt inadequate in his role as an apostle, he stepped into that role and by the grace of God, he served as an apostle in the very arena where he felt. Inadequate.

What guys tend to do is like the average guy hates feeling inadequate. We like to depend upon our own resources and, and, and our own wisdom. We like to feel competent and when a guy is engaging in a task that makes him feel inadequate, normally what a guy will do apart from divine intervention is he will withdraw from that task and build a fence around that task and just say, I'm staying out of there. And so there are men that God has called to do certain things as dads and as husbands, and they don't do those things, not because they're being hatefully rebellious against God, but because they're afraid and they feel inadequate, and they don't know what to do with that.

But see, the genius of what Paul says here in 2 Corinthians 3:5 is that he found inadequacy. Though he felt inadequate, he found that his adequacy is in God. He says, not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything is coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God. I'm not adequate for this, Paul says, but I'm looking to God and he is my adequacy, and that's the only reason I can stand in my role as an apostle.

See, God knows the pride of men, how we like to depend upon our own selves and we like to feel competent, and so God in His ingenuity creates a mechanism to destroy that sense of adequacy that we like to have and he puts us in the impossible role of fatherhood and husbanding. And we're totally inadequate to do the things he calls us to do inside those arenas, and we can do two things. We can withdraw and not do what God has called us to do and give in to our fears, or we can do as Paul does and say, God, I can't do this.

I'm totally inadequate.

But you've called me to this, and so I'm going to look to you to be my strength and to be my adequacy, and by your grace, I'm going to do what you've called me to do. So that's the first encouragement. If you feel inadequate in your role as a dad, you're not the only one. It's OK.

In fact, you're actually supposed to feel inadequate. There's a second encouragement that I would give to our dads this morning, and that is if you feel as if you have only a little to offer, know that God can do much with little. if you've, you're looking at, yeah, OK, I know God's called me to do certain things, but I feel like I have so little to offer, and because a guy feels like he doesn't really have much impressive to offer, he ends up not doing what God tells him to do.

I've had men.

Compare themselves to other men and say, I'm not like those other guys. I don't have the training that they have or the opportunity or the upbringing that they have and I'm just not like them. I don't have the gifts that they have, and they compare themselves unfavorably and say, well, I can see why they're doing what they're doing because they're good at it, but I'm not as good at it as they are, and I've only got a little bit to offer compared to what they have to offer, and so they're discouraged.

By that.

I've had men tell me, I, I can't, my wife knows the Bible better than I do. She can run circles around me in terms of understanding the Bible and being able to express God's word and teach God's word to, to our children and they can feel intimidated by that and by stepping out and maybe trying to lead and And provide instruction and doing that in front of their wife who may actually be far more competent at that than her husband may be. And so a guy may tend to shy away from that.

Again, not because he's hatefully rebellious against God, but he's intimidated by, by that fact.

But I want to encourage you men with With the thought that, let's just say theoretically, you got more to offer than I think you realize that you have to offer, but let's say theoretically you've only got a little bit to offer compared to what others may be able to or even compared to what your wife may be able to offer. Let, let's, let's say that that's true, all right? Bring that little bit to God because God delights to do a lot with a little. That's how he likes to glorify Himself.

Take encouragement from the story of the feeding of the 5000 where there were 5000 men plus women and children, so it's a massive multitude and they're trying to figure out, how are we going to feed this multitude and the, the disciples go searching for food amid, amidst The crowd and they find a lad who had some loaves and fish and look what it says in John 6:9. They bring this lad to Jesus and they say to him, There is a lad here who has 5 loaves and 2 fish, but what are these for so many people?

Jesus, this is all we got. And by the way, 5 loaves, 2 fish.

I don't know how the loaves, how big the loaves would have been. It maybe could have fed about 10 people, you think? Maximum 15, but even at that, I'm sure the individuals would not have been left in a state of fullness. So maybe 1015 people could have been fed by that, but nonetheless, they bring that small contribution to Jesus.

it takes a lot of humility and a lot of courage in the face of such a great need of 5000 men plus women and children to bring just 5 loaves and 2 fish to Jesus. It takes a lot of humility and courage to do that. And how does Jesus respond? Does Jesus look at that and say, are you kidding me?

This is all you got. Don't, don't mess with me here. We got a great need in front of us. And, and all you can bring to me is this.

Get this out of my face. Is that what he says? No, I love his response. Look at this in verse 11.

Jesus took the loaves. He's like, what? That's perfect. That's perfect.

And he took the loaves, and he gave thanks. He said, what, let's pray right now. Father, thank you for this contribution. Thank you for these loaves.

Thank you. And he then distributed to those who were seated, obviously through the disciples, and then he took the two fish. An even smaller number of items, and he received that and then he gave thanks and began to distribute that to the disciples. And by the time they were done, everyone in the multitude had received food.

They ate and were full, and there were how many baskets left over? 12 baskets left over. See, Jesus likes to take a little and do a lot with it. Here's what I would encourage you men to do.

If you want God to do a lot with the little that you have to bring to the table, that may not be as much as you think that others would be able to bring to the table. Here's what I would encourage you to do, take the little that you have and don't go run into your family with it. Go to Jesus with it. And so, and say, Jesus, here's what I got, tonight, I just, I want to read the Bible.

I'm not even a good reader. I stumble over my words, but I want to read a chapter. Of your word to my family and I just want to share one thought from this chapter that really encouraged me today and, and I want to pray over my family. Jesus, when I look at my kids and I look at my wife and I see how deep the needs are, I'm thinking, what is this chapter in the face of such great need?

what can you do with my stumbling efforts to just read a chapter to my wife and to my children. But Jesus, I, I'm bringing this to you and asking you to do much with it. And what Jesus does? He takes it.

He takes it. And he says, I want to pray right now, and I'm going to thank my father. For this that you've brought to me, and he blesses. And then, after you've done that, go to your family.

And just read. Give them your small contribution. And God can do so much with it. When I think of my own upbringing, My mom and dad, they love the Lord, they did, they were not perfect parents, but they did a lot of great things as I was growing up and And to this day, there are times where I'll say to one of my parents, it's like, when I was 18 years old, I was talking to you and you made such and such a statement to me.

And I want you to know that that's had a huge impact on my life and I've repeated that statement to myself thousands of times. And at times when I've said that to my parents, they don't have the foggiest recollection of ever having said that. It was a little thing that was said in a given moment. They had no idea when they said those words that they would feed our souls thousands of times and keep repeating themselves over and over again.

God wants to do much with little, so bring your little contribution to the table, bring it to Jesus, let him give thanks and bless it, and then take that to your family with the blessing of Jesus and expect him to do great things. There's a third encouragement I want to give to you dads, and that is that, I'm trusting that if you're like me, that you have sinned and failed as a father in a number of ways. and my encouragement is if you have sinned and failed as a father, know that you have forgiveness with God.

Know that you have forgiveness with God.

Jesus, Shed his blood and gave up his life and died for all of the sins of those who come to him by faith, including dad's. When you come to Jesus with your father sins, with the sins that you have committed as a father, the, the times where you've neglected to do what God called you to do because you were paralyzed by fear, or selfishness or laziness, or the times where you actively did something wrong or said something wrong. and maybe hurt one of your children, because you responded wrongly in a given circumstance or situation, whatever your sins are, when you come with those father category sins, Jesus doesn't say, hey, I died for all sins except those committed by dads.

No, he died even for those, and you need to believe that and come to him, come to God through Jesus and receive that grace and that forgiveness.

Ephesians 1:7, in Christ, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of His grace. No matter how badly you failed, come to God, confessing those sins to Him. And he will delight, be pleasured to forgive you for every failure and for every sin that you've committed as a dad. Men, it's important that you start here.

There are men that I've talked to that are so discouraged and brought down over their failures as a dad, that they're bound up in the guilt of that, that they don't have any hope for the future and so guess what? They keep perpetuating the very things they feel so guilty about. And sin will bind you as long as it holds you with the cords of guilt. And so to walk in freedom from sin and from failure begins on this level of cutting that cord of guilt, so that you can walk in freedom and begin to see growth in your life.

In whatever area it is that you have confessed. You say, what, Pastor Milton, I, I, I know that there's forgiveness with God, but I, I, I just don't know if I can forgive myself for some of the ways that I failed. My response to, well, God's response to that is this, if you come to him and say, God, I just can't seem to forgive myself for how I failed, God would say, I don't care. That's meaningless.

There's nowhere in the Bible where God ever provides any instruction for you to forgive yourself. That's completely irrelevant to God. It doesn't even register on his care meter. Whether you forgive yourself or not, the important thing is that God, the sovereign Judge and King of the universe, grants you forgiveness.

Listen to this quote. This author says there may be some foul spot in our lives, the thing that the world never forgives, the thing at any rate for which we can never forgive ourselves. But what care we, whether the world forgives or even whether we can forgive ourselves if God forgives, if God has received us by the death of his son. God says the only thing that really matters here is that I have forgiven you.

Receive that forgiveness. David in Psalm 32 does not say, Blessed is the man. who has learned to forgive himself. No, it's blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity.

Blessed is the man. whom God has forgiven. So go to the cross, learn to beat a path to the cross, and enjoy and receive God's forgiveness for any ways that you fall short of His standard. That leads to the next encouragement, and that is this.

If you have sinned and failed as a father, know that God can even use your failures. Did that? I, the, a vision that I have of, of heaven is that, when I, when I'm before God in some future day, and somehow my life is being reviewed, and not just my life is being reviewed, but what God did with my life, is being reviewed, that I, I imagine God saying to me, Milton, let me show you what I did with the good things that you did. Empowered by my grace, let me show you what I did with the good things you said, the good things that you did as a dad, as a husband, as a pastor, as a, as a man of God.

Here's what I did with the good things, for example, in the lives of your children, the good things that you did. And what, I'll be amazed at that. I'll fall on my face, and I'll worship God and thank Him for what he did with the little bit that I brought to the table. But then I imagine God saying, now, let me show you what I did with your failures.

Let me show you what I did with those times that you fell short of my standard. And he will show what he did with my failures, and I will bow even lower before Him in amazement at his power and glory. Do we really believe Romans 8:28, that we know that God causes all things to work? Together for the good of those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Part of what that means is that God uses the good and he also uses the evil to ultimately accomplish his purposes. A great illustration of this is Jacob and his parenting of his, his children. right now, I'm going through the book of Genesis with a couple of my, my children. That's really an amazing book.

very gripping drama. There, there are things to laugh at and be utterly dismayed by. I've had to pause and explain things to my children that I didn't anticipate having to explain going through just some of the sordid stuff that's in that book. But we've, this past week have been going through, the story of Jacob and, and, and, and we're now into the story of Joseph.

And let me just read to you from Genesis 37:3. about, just a little window that we have into one aspect of Jacob's parenting. It says, now Israel, who is Jacob, loved Joseph more than all his sons. Is that a good thing?

would you encourage that in a parent or would we safely consider that to be a mistake? Yeah, that, that's falling short, I think, of what God would want because he was the son of his old age and he made him a very colored tunic, which was symbolic of the fact that he loved him. He made him that tunic and none of his other sons. That was a colorful symbol of his favored status in comparison with his other siblings.

And then look what he says in verse 4. His brothers saw, they saw with their eyes that their father loved Joseph more than all his brothers, and so they hated him and could not speak to him on friendly terms. So Jacob favored Joseph, loved him more than his other sons, and he was obvious in that to where all of Joseph's siblings could see very clearly with their eyes that Jacob, their father, loved Joseph more than he loved them, and so they hated him. Now, that's a failure in parenting on Jacob's part, but here's the amazing thing, they hated Joseph because of that, and it was that hatred.

That prompted them to sell Joseph into slavery. which ended up causing him to be taken down to Egypt, which put in motion a sequence of events that led to Joseph being 2 command in all the land of Egypt. So there then came 7 years of plenty, and under Joseph's leadership, all of that plenty was gathered in to be available for the 7 years of famine to follow. Then the famine came over the land of Egypt and the land of Canaan as well, where Jacob and his sons were living.

And that caused Joseph's siblings to come to Egypt looking for food and they got hooked up with Joseph. And long story short, Jacob and the 75 some odd people in his clan ended up moving from Canaan to the land of Egypt where they were totally well cared for. And I am sure Jacob, while he's enjoying all of that at times, just scratched his head saying, go figure. I blew it as a dad and I favored Joseph.

I, I should not have done that, but I, I did some right things as a dad, but that was a wrong thing I did, but God actually used the wrong thing that I did to accomplish something really beautiful in the life of my son Joseph and do something beautiful in the lives of my other children, and there's, there's been blessing that has come to hundreds of thousands of people, partly as a result of a failure. Now, guys, please understand, I'm not sharing this to say, you can just kick back and just do whatever you want and know, hey, God's sovereign, he'll use my failures, so I'm going to be more lackadaisical and apathetic than ever.

That's, that's not my goal, but it's simply to turn your eyes to a sovereign God. He is God, you're not.

You don't have the power that he possesses, and to just take that weight, that burden of deity off of your shoulders and just let God be God and you be the man that God has called you to be. And even as you try to live in obedience to Him, and you fall short, even in the good things you do of doing things exactly the way that you should, just know that God's going to use all of that mess, the good and the bad in order to work everything out for His glory. And for your good and even the good of others, such as your children.

Just keep that thought in mind in addition to the other biblical thoughts that, that our failures can negatively impact our children and others.

Rest in the sovereignty of God and let that freedom from that burden cause you to soar and be the dad that God wants you to be. There's a 5th encouragement that I would want to give to you as dads this morning, and that is if you have sinned, As a father, such failures give you the opportunity to do something really powerful, apologize. If you have sinned, such failures afford you really an amazing opportunity, and that is to apologize to your children. We tend to have a low view of apologies.

we view it as Plan B in God's economy, and, it's a necessary evil, and yeah, I blew it. I got to go apologize. So what, and, and then you just go to whoever you wronged and I'll just try to mumble through this the best I can and get it over quickly and, and we'll hasten on and we'll be glad that we're past that. I want to change the way you see apologizing.

I was reading a couple of weeks ago in Newsweek magazine. I don't even know if the author is a believer or not, but he made one statement, that, that really stuck out to me. Listen to what he says. Apologies are moral events that have real power to heal.

Apologies are moral events that have real power to heal. And so if you have failed, I want you to see that those failures actually create now an opportunity for you to, to bring about an event. An event, a moral, powerful event where you can sit down with your child, and you can apologize to them in a way that is consistent with scripture. Now there's, there's a right way to apologize and there's a million wrong ways to apologize, right?

And you got to make sure that you do it the right way, otherwise, you're probably wasting your time. Like, you don't want to go to your child and say, what, Daddy should not have, blown up at you yesterday, but what, you caused it. When you do such and such, it really ticks me off and, If you're going to do it that way, just don't even bother apologizing. you need to do it in the right way.

And let me just give you some descriptions of a, of a good apology. A true apology involves a number of things, one of which is confessing sin forthrightly. Don't be vague. use biblical terminology and be very specific about the choice that you made, the sin that you committed, and again, use biblical language.

a lot of times we can be so vague about stuff, don't, don't go to your son and say, Daddy had a bad day yesterday. If I hurt you, I'm sorry. That's not, don't do that. What was it that you did wrong?

What choice did you make and use biblical terminology. Dad got in the flesh yesterday and gave, gave way to anger. And dad's responsible for that. Confess sin forthrightly.

Also make a big deal out of your sin. Make a big deal out of your sin. All of us in this room naturally are experts at making a big deal out of other people's sins, right? But make a big deal out of your sin when you're apologizing to someone, make a big deal about your failure and about your sin.

Your sin is a log, and everyone else's sin in the matter, if there is any other sin in the matter, is merely a speck compared to your sin and your failure. Learn to make a big deal out of your sin. I love what Paul Tripp says about this. He said, when we, because we tend to maximize other people's sins and minimize ours, but listen to what he says.

When we minimize our sins, we're minimizing what Jesus died for. We're minimizing the cross. And when you think about it that way, it's like, it's like borderline blasphemy to minimize our sins. Here's Jesus who endured all of that and, and in eternity, he still bears the marks of his death, of his crucifixion, and he's, he's there listening to us, excuse our sin and minimize our sins that sent him to the cross.

We don't want to do that. Make a big deal out of your sin. And then also, a true apology involves taking full responsibility for your sin, and I put the emphasis on the word taking to where you, you are grabbing responsibility and you are placing that responsibility on yourself. This is especially important when it comes to you and your relationship with your children.

The problem is that children tend to internalize. When mom and dad sin, children tend deep down to blame themselves, right? They feel like they're responsible. If you're flying off the handle and your 6 year old is looking at that, your 6 year old is not looking at you saying, what, Dad's been under a lot of stress lately.

And things are tough at work and the economy is heading south. I think Dad is not feeling real secure in his job right now and I, I really need to pray for that. Your six year old is not thinking that, trust me. Your 6 year old deep down is thinking, I deserve this.

They have so much respect for you. That they blame themselves. And hold themselves responsible for you being in the flesh. the way children are.

You can even go back to your own childhood, the way how quick we were as children to just assume blame upon ourselves. I've read stories of, of a, like a dad who goes off to work and gets in a car accident and is killed. And a child at home who had nothing to do with the accident blames himself. For the death of his father.

And he's thinking, why did dad leave? Why did he leave us? He left because of me. There was something wrong with me.

And the child thinks about, the previous day, he did something that maybe upset the dad a little bit and he's thinking that's, that's why, that's why dad left. Children are so quick to, to put responsibility on themselves, even though they may never vocalize that and even understand that. And listen to me, parents, when you, Go to your child and this is what we're calling a moral event and, and you apologize in, in the right way. You confess your sin, you make a big deal out of your sin.

And when you take responsibility, that's not just some casual thing, that's a nice thing to say. What you're doing in that moment is you're reaching out and you're lifting the responsibility for your sin off of your child and you are putting it on yourself. You are delivering your child. From responsibility for the wrong sinful choice that you made.

It may be that this is the greatest gift that you ever give to your child. It may be that when your child leaves the home, that's the most significant thing that your child remembers. My dad was not a perfect dad, but what? My dad knew how to apologize.

You're giving a precious gift to your children. When you do this. Also, a true apology involves desiring to enter into the hurt of the other. It's not, hey, I'm sorry I got, I'm sorry I did this or whatever, and, and, and let's move on.

No, it's, you, you try to speak to the hurt, as I've been thinking it through, I know that had to hurt you, and here's how I'm thinking, it probably hurt you, and here's what you were expecting, and here's what I did, and, And, I, I, I, I think I understand the hurt that I caused. And you not only try to express that, but then you try to, you, you, you understand that I probably don't even know the half of the hurt that I caused, and, and you try to draw out even further. You're like, I, I want to know the hurt that I caused.

I want to enter into your hurt and take ownership of the hurt that I've inflicted upon you.

And then the last aspect of a true biblical apology is asking for forgiveness from the offendee. This is the most amazing moment. Whenever those of you that have done this, like in the context of marriage, parenting, or in brother sister relationships in the church or whatever, or even with the lost, I've done this at times with an unsafe boss, freaked him out when I asked him to forgive me for something, But when you then say, will you forgive me? Not, please forgive me, or I hope you'll forgive me, no, will you forgive me and you wait for the reply.

You're putting yourself at the mercy of that individual and especially as a dad, though you don't assume this actual physical posture, it's almost as if you are kneeling before your child and you have, you have empowered them. You've given them this power to grant forgiveness or withhold it. Will they reach out their hand and grant forgiveness? It's a precious gift that you give to your children to ask that of them and to allow them to respond.

This goes for if your child is a six year old, a twelve-year-old, or a 40-year-old. And maybe you've got some business to take care of with your children that are out of the home. Just go to them and don't underestimate the power of going to them even if they're out of the home and doing this apologizing. In James 5:16, James says, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed.

there's healing that comes from true confession of our sins to one another, especially our sins maybe against one another, and I'm convinced there's a lot of healing that needs to take place in various homes here at Cornerstone and beyond. And, It starts with confession. And then praying for one another, and there's healing that comes from apologies that are rightly delivered. There's a 6th encouragement I want to give you, men, and that is realize that God chose you over all others to nurture and instruct your children.

I don't want you, like, for example, look at Ephesians 6:4. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. I don't want you to hear that and, slink down in your seat going, oh man, there's another responsibility I got to take care of in addition to going to work and earning money, providing for my household. I got to do this also.

it is a responsibility that God lays upon you, but I want you to feel honored by this, that out of all the people that God could have chosen on the planet, out of all the people he could have chosen in the local church to bring up your children and to train your children, God out of all of them chose you as a dad. He chose you over your seminary trained pastors. And you need to feel honored and blessed by that and just sit up and go, man, he chose me. He chose me.

in the Ephesians Church, I have no doubt that there were a lot of children in that church, and one of the ministry questions that was being asked is what do we do with these children and who's responsible for the upbringing and the training and the discipleship of these children? And should we, every other day send them to the pastoral staff for them to teach and to train and disciple who should take care of this? And they show up at church one day and the Ephesians letter is being read, and now here comes the issue.

It's going to be addressed.

What do we do with the children? Who's responsible? Who's going to bring them up and train them? And God speaks through the letter and says, Fathers.

And fathers should go, wow. He picked me. He picked me. To be the one Who trains my children.

Men, there's no more powerful force on earth than a dad who is on fire for God. I, I can stand in the pulpit and preach 1000 sermons to your children. I can even meet with them in my office, and I would hope that I do a little bit of good. I can't come anywhere near doing the good and wielding the power in your children's life that you can as a dad.

You have a power in the lives of your children that I do not possess. I was speaking at a men's conference about a month ago and made the statement that 1 pound of godly Father, 1 pound of godly Father is greater than a ton of clergy. 1 pound of godly Father is greater than a ton. of clergy You have enormous power.

God is wise. He knows what he's doing. He could have said, I want the pastors to handle this. But he doesn't.

He says, I want the dads, and he always chooses what's best. You men are getting a phone call from the most important being in the universe who is specifically picked you to play this role in the lives of your children. And yes, your wife teams up with you and, and there are people in the church that minister alongside of you and minister to you and, and they supplement what you're doing, but, but ultimately, this is, this is your baby, this is your responsibility. God has picked you and you need to be honored.

by this. And the 7th and final encouragement to you dads is realize that there is no ministry in the church more important than yours. I, I really battled this week thinking about this, how would I rank, the importance of ministries in the church, and I started doing that, and even rehearsed the sermon out loud last night, actually trying to do that, and, but ended up saying, no, I don't want to do that. I don't even want to get into what ministry is more important than another, but I can say this, there is no ministry in the church more important than your ministry as a dad to your children.

There may be other ministries that are just as important. I don't want to minimize any other ministry, but I'm telling you guys, your ministry in your home as the leader of your household is an absolutely critical ministry and Cornerstone will never rise higher than its fathers in the home. You read through First Timothy as we've been going through the book and Paul is teaching us how to conduct ourselves in the household of God, but as the book unfolds, we find out that Paul makes many references to individual earthly households and standing before those households are dads.

In fact, he says in chapter 3 verse 4, an elder must be one who manages his own household.

Literally. He must be one who stand. Hestands in front of his household and leads his wife and children. Chapter 3, verse 5.

If a man does not know how to stand before his own household, how will he take care of the Church of God? Part of what Paul is saying, amongst other things, is this Men, if you really want to bless this church, if you really want to take care of the Church of God, here's the single greatest thing you can do stand in front of your household and lead your family. It's the best thing you can do for the church. The household is the first place where godliness is to be learned and practiced.

Chapter 3 verse 12, deacons or servants are to be good managers. They are to stand well before their house, before their children and their households. Paul would say, hey, if you're looking for servants and leaders, for the local church, you will find them standing in front of their households, and those that are doing well at that task, ask them to serve the larger body. The local church.

The way I want, the, the way we're increasingly seeing ministry here at Cornerstone is that we have, we have elders that are providing shepherding for this local household of God. And then in my mind, the very next place my mind goes. is to the fathers who are standing in front of their households. That's, that's an extension of the shepherding ministry of Cornerstone.

In fact, that's where we get our elders from. So, in a way, I just, I don't, I'm, I'm afraid to say this is the most important ministry in, in the local church, but I, but we should have this ministry very highly exalted. There is no ministry more important than this, and our church will never be any more than what Our men are in their homes. That's why Paul in chapter one, says, or maybe it's chapter two, I want the men in every place to pray.

Why, why didn't he say he wants women to pray? certainly he wants that. He wants the children to pray, but Paul knows if the men are praying, everyone else is going to pray. Everyone else will pray.

Your ministry is important. In fact, I'm going to close with this. Because I feel really burdened for this, and if I'm going to stand up here and say what I'm saying, then I need to, I need to back that up, and just being available to be a help and an encouragement in any way that I can. over the next three weeks, at least, Tuesday morning at 6:00 a.m.

I'm going to be here at the church sitting by myself. And any, any dad, any husband, anyone, who thinks that they will be in a future date, a dad or a husband, you're welcome to come by and we can hang out, together. And my only goal over the next few weeks is that's how I want to start my work week, number one, because this ministry is so important, the ministry of our dads and leaders of households. I just want to create a forum where men can come together and receive help and encouragement in their ministries to their households.

There's other forums where that happens in our care group. Gatherings as our men oftentimes, will, will get together. There's men's groups that meets, there's, men's breakfast that we have and so forth. There's other forums for this, but just over the next three weeks, I'm going to be downstairs, beneath where I'm standing now, and anyone that wants to show up, you're, you're welcome to.

Any dads or husbands or anyone who is thinking that God has in their future to be a dad or a husband. And I don't want anyone to feel any pressure. Wives, don't be pressuring your husbands, to show up. But if it's any help, there will be, OK.

There'll be donuts provided, and, so, there may be one guy that shows up and if so, that's great. There may be 10, there may be more guys that show up. There may be no guys that show up, which actually I wouldn't be totally disappointed because I would have to be a good steward and do some work on these doughnuts myself. but during the hour or so that we're just going to get together, and by the way, it's not, hey, I want you guys to gather around Milton's feet and receive from the wisdom of Milton.

I got a ton to learn. I got a ton to learn. And, and I want to learn from you guys and I think we can figure out some stuff together and we'll just take some time to read from the word and not get real complicated. We'll take some time to read some selections from authors that have something helpful or encouraging to say to men that encourage us and help us and provide guidance for us in our roles, and then talk and maybe share a little bit about what God is doing with a real emphasis upon, what we're doing in our households and to spend Some time praying, for each other.

That's all we'll do. At least, we may go beyond this, but we'll at least do this over the next, three weeks. Any, any man that I've just described is, is welcome to show up and eat some donuts with me and talk and pray over these things. We want to help you, and be an encouragement to you in this most vital role that God has called you to as husbands and as fathers.

I need the help. I need the community of men around me. I believe you do as well. This is one means through which we can maybe figure out some stuff together.

Well, I'd like to ask you to bow your heads this morning. OK. We, We're going to take up an offering in just a moment. We would encourage you to give as the Lord leads.

We're so thankful for the generosity of God's people. These are tough times economically, but you guys have been so good and so generous in your giving. To the Lord's work and in so doing, fruit is abounding to your account. So just, just give, as you always do as the Lord leads.

And we'll ask God to do much with your offerings. Let's pray together Lord, I pray that, that every man in this room can drink deeply of the encouragement and the consolation that is found in your word as we've looked at it today. May just go to the cross and tasting of that freedom and the forgiveness, may it enable them to just soar in their, in their ministry. And to be the dads and the husbands that you've called them to be.

Even if it's just baby steps, Lord, in the right direction. I just, I totally anticipate dad's just taking maybe baby steps and, and then they, they see you doing a lot with a little and that, that just encourages all of us all the more. Thank you for being God, for having the power to do much with our feeble efforts. I pray that our men would enjoy this fact and see it in evidence even in the days of this week ahead.

Take this offering, Lord, that we give to you, do much with it for the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ. It's in his name we pray.