Relational Conflict

, just a quick announcement real quick. Those of you who are CARE Group leaders, the announcement went out via email, but I'm not sure that everyone got it. We actually are not having a care group leadership meeting today, so join your brothers and sisters in your own care group, later, later this afternoon, earlier this evening. Let's go ahead and, and pray.

Ask the Lord to bless our time in His word. I always feel the pressure of preaching in front of God's people, like. having to go up to, to home plate and swing the bat when it's like the bottom of the ninth with bases loaded and my team is losing by 2 and oh, just, it's pressure. So, let's join with me in prayer and let's ask the Lord to bless this time.

Lord, we just come before you once again. And we ask that you would quiet our hearts before you. We ask that as we Look at your word and read your word and hear your word that you might minister your word. Effectively and relevantly to us.

I pray, Lord, that If there is Anything that needs to be done by way of action in response to your word, that you would work that into the hearts of your people here. I pray, Father, that You would grip us with the reality of your presence, that you would grip us with the reality of who you are. Your greatness, Your Majesty, your kingship. That Lord, you would illumine the eyes of our understanding, to, to see you ministering to us through your word.

Open the eyes of our heart, we pray in Jesus' name. Amen. I want to begin this morning by just, Stating that our God is a relational God. Fundamentally, it is true.

God is a relational God. He is one God eternally existing in three persons, and each of the three persons, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit throughout eternity past has always been involved in an intimate relationship with one another. Furthermore, our God, who is a relational being has created us for relationship. We are created so that we might reflect his image and in reflecting his image that entails our relationships with one another.

We are in our relationships with one another to reflect his image, to reflect his character, to reflect, if you will, his glory. This is what God created us for. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world in which relational conflict is rampant, and I submit to you it is inevitable among us as the people of God. Relational conflict is inevitable.

If you look around, you will discover the effects of relational conflict everywhere. A couple of weeks ago, Pastor Carlos Cuellar shared with us that nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce, i.e. relational conflict. 25% of women and 8% of men Men had been violently assaulted within a marriage or a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship, according to a study done in 1996.

Here is a relational conflict for you. 22%, according to this one study, 22% of all pregnancies ends in abortion. 23% of all current pastors have been fired or forced to resign in the past, and 34% of all pastors presently serve in churches that had forced their previous pastor to resign. The average pastor lasts about 14 years.

Now much of the reason for that has to do with relational conflict. According to one study, 25% of the churches in this one study reported conflict within the last 5 years that was serious enough to have a lasting impact on congregational life. Again, I submit to you that relational conflict is everywhere. All of us, all of us, you and I have experienced relational conflict.

Husbands and wives fighting because they cannot agree over which set of parents to celebrate Thanksgiving with. Couples fighting over financial issues or perhaps couples fighting because of issues of physical intimacy or lack thereof between them. Parents angry at children for their failure to comply with their wishes and children angry at parents because they make them eat all of the vegetables on their plates, siblings fighting with one another, arguing and bickering over who gets to sit in the front seat of the car, brothers in Christ fighting.

With one another, one is angry at the other because he gave counsel that he did not want to hear, or sisters in Christ bickering with one another.

Eodia and Shinseki, for example, she is mad because she wasn't asked to be one of the bridesmaids in the wedding, or she wants a ministry to be done her way and refuses to compromise, resulting. In relational conflict this morning, I want us to focus our attention on the topic of relational conflict and perhaps some of you are sitting there thinking, well, this doesn't relate to me. I've never been involved in any relational conflict before. I'm not sure this is going to minister to me.

Well, I would submit to you then if that is the case, glory be to you, but if that is the case, the chances are. Great that you will have relational conflict at some point in the future. Unfortunately, it is built into the system. It's part of life in a fallen world.

So I want us to address the topic of relational conflict and what to do about it. Turn in your Bibles please to James chapter 4, beginning in verse 1. Turn in your Bibles to James chapter 4, and we will read through verses 1 through 10 as you are. Dear, please note that James was the half-brother of the Lord Jesus Christ.

He lived with the Lord Jesus Christ for many years. He observed from the Lord Jesus Christ what Christianity looks like in the flesh. And so the half-brother of the Lord Jesus Christ writes in James chapter 4, beginning in verse 1, what is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?

You lust and do not have, so you commit murder, and you are envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive because you ask with wrong motives so that you may spend it on your pleasures. You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God.

Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the scripture speaks to no purpose? He jealously desires the spirit which he has made to dwell in us, wherefore he gives a greater grace. Therefore, it says God is opposed to the proud, but he gives grace to the humble.

Submit therefore to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw nearer to God and he will draw nearer to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep.

Let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord. And he will exalt you. The message is entitled Relational Conflict and what to do about it.

7 Truths that Should Leave us convicted. Comforted and then committed to resolving all relational conflict for the glory of God. 7 truths that should leave us convicted, comforted, and then committed to resolving all relational conflict for the glory of God. Truth number 1, then relational conflict occurs among believers.

Relational conflict occurs among believers. This is a sad truth to say, but again, in a fallen world, it is the reality. Relational conflict occurs among believers. Note that James begins with the question, what is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?

What is the source of the fightings, of the wars, of the quarrels and conflicts among you? So obviously he's talking about fighting, he's talking about conflicts, but he is speaking to you, and the question we will ask ourselves here is who is the you that he is referring to? Going back to James 1:1, we read to the 12 tribes who are dispersed abroad, he is speaking to the 12 tribes. That is the you that he is referring to the 12 tribes.

Furthermore, several times in his letter, as he Writing this letter, he refers to his readers as brethren or my brethren or beloved brethren. James 1:2, he says, Consider it all joy, my brethren. 1:16, do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. 119.

This, my beloved brethren, James 2:1, my brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. James. 5. Listen, my beloved brethren, 2:14.

What use is it, my brethren, if a man says he has faith but has no works? James 3:1, Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren. 3:10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing, my brethren. These things ought not so to be.

James 3:12. Can a fig tree, my brethren, and James 4:11, which is the verse. Immediately following the section that we just read in James 4:11, we read, do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother speaks against the law.

And so clearly James is writing to the 12 tribes. James is writing to the 12 tribes who were scattered, and he refers to them numerous times as brethren. He sees them as children of God. And And so, relational conflict occurs among believers.

A little bit later in the same verse, James chapter 4 verse 4, he calls them adulteresses and what is implied by the fact that he calls them adulteresses is that they have a relationship with God that is implicit Iplicit, otherwise he would have called them, euphornicators, but he's calling them adulterers and so again, it is implied in this text that the relational conflict that is occurring is occurring among believers and so that is truth number one. James is gonna go on to answer the question though, what is the source of this relationship conflict?

What is the source of quarrels and conflicts? This leads us to number 2, relational conflict is caused by indwelling sin.

Relational conflict among the people of God is caused by indwelling. sin, please read with me James 4:1. What is the source? In other words, what is the place of origin from where does the quarrels and conflicts come?

If we were to look at the place where they began, where did they begin? Where did they begin? He says, is not the source, is not the place where these quarrels and. Conflicts began is not the source your pleasures.

These are your pleasures. These belong to you, and these are pleasures. These are desires that wage war in your members. And so he is telling his readers that the reason that they are fighting is because of their own pleasures that are waging war inside of them.

Again, the source is your pleasures. This is the word from where we get hedonism from. The idea is that of a self-gratifying, self-centered, pleasure-seeking approach to living life. Clearly this is a reference to their sinful desires and cravings.

It is plural, it is plural quarrels and conflicts indicating a chronic condition. Note that the pleasures are described as waging a war. One commentator says that they are like soldiers carrying on a military campaign aimed at securing the satisfaction of their cravings. These pleasures.

These sinful pleasures that are inside of these believers, he says, are like soldiers carrying on a military campaign. They are fighting really hard. They are working overtime in order to secure the satisfaction of their cravings. You see this passage does not allow for any form of blame shifting.

Why do you fight? Why do you quarrel? Well, it's the woman who you gave me, Lord, she made me do it. Well, it's my brother, he said this to me, and I There is no room for blame shifting here.

James is not allowing it. He is saying that the reason you are fighting and quarreling has everything to do with what is inside of you. It is your sinful desires, your sinful wants, your sinful cravings. That is why we see the fruit of fighting and quarreling in your lives.

You see this is a call for you and I as believers when we are engaged in relational conflict to take full personal responsibility for our own part in the problem it's. If James assumes that any time there's relational conflict, the reason for the relational conflict has to do with the parties involved, and it has to do with their desires and their wants and their cravings that are inside of their hearts. Again, relational conflict then is, is caused by indwelling sin, and James is going to go on to expand his point.

Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members, and then note what he goes on to say, you lust and do not have, so you commit murder and you are envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.

You see, James is saying that the bottom line is this. You fight and quarrel. Because you are not getting what you want. You are fighting and quarreling because you are not getting your desires met.

This can be fleshed out in several ways, dozens, maybe hundreds of ways. I have been involved in counseling couples from time to time in which one of the problems is this. she wants a godly husband. Now that's a good desire.

There is nothing wrong with that, but the problem is, is she wants her husband to be godly and because he isn't godly in the way that she expects him to be, she gets mad at him. And that results in fighting and quarreling. You see how sometimes we can take a good desire and it becomes an idol in our heart, where we make that desire of such importance that we actually dethrone God and we bow down before the desire itself. We bow down before that idol and it's like, I want my godly spouse, and if I don't get it, boy, I'm going to get upset about it.

Again, this, this thing of having wants that are unmet can be fleshed out in many ways. Perhaps you want perfectly obedient children and so when your little Johnny isn't obedient to you in the way he should be, you find yourself in turmoil, frustrated. Or maybe you want your roommates to clean the house in a certain way, and because your roommate is a bit of a slob, you find yourself getting mad about it. You want order and tidiness and cleanliness, and your roommate isn't measuring up and so what do you do?

You get mad at your roommate and you jump down your roommate's back and you tell her that she is a slob or you tell him that he is lazy and good for nothing and maybe you don't say it, but inwardly it's there and it's just driving you crazy. And perhaps, You've put in many hours at work. It's been a long, hard day. Let's use me for example.

I've put in, a good number of hours at work. It's been a long day, lots of ministry. It seems like a real good day and I'm in the car and I'm, patting myself on the back because it's been a good day. Praise the Lord.

I'm in the car. I'm listening to Christian music and I'm worshiping the Lord and I'm in the spirit and I'm just This dumb, happy, glowy smile on my face and I'm just cruising along in my car and I'm thinking when I get home, I look forward to getting home, spending time with my honey, and I'm looking forward to being able to just come home and relax and put my feet on the ottoman and just enjoying it and having my kids serve me a cup of tea with some scones or whatever and I'm just looking forward to this, and so there I am in the car walking in the spirit thinking spiritual thoughts.

And then I pull into the driveway and I'm still as happy as can be and I walk up the sidewalk and I unlock the door of the house and I open it up and what do I see and what do I hear? I see toys scattered all over the place because my little boy Caleb likes to scatter toys all over the place.

I see my, I hear my kids in the back room arguing over something, arguing over a video game or whatever it is, and at the very moment I find myself getting worked up. And all of a sudden my attitude changes. It shifts, and I find myself barking at my children, barking at my wife, and all of a sudden I'm in the flesh. And what is the problem?

What is the problem? Of course it's my kids and my wife. The problem is that I have a desire inside of me that has become an idol in my heart, and because that desire is unmet, I am blowing up at people around me because they are not kowtowing to my wishes. I have essentially played the role of Almighty God.

Again, this can be fleshed out. In many different ways perhaps someone, desires for the other person to agree. You want the other person to agree with you. Whatever the issue is, maybe it's a theological issue, you want them to agree with you over the doctrine of sovereignty, and they don't, and so you get mad or maybe you want them to, to move a little closer to the place where there's a, a, more room for this doctrine of free will in their theological understanding, and they won't move that way, so you get mad at that person.

So you want someone to agree with you or you want your your husband to agree with you that we need to spend the money on the carpet in the home and he thinks that they need to get a fishing boat instead and so you guys are having this disagreements with one another and you see where the problem is it's desire it's wants and the wants that you have result in the conflict that you are experiencing with one another. Woman of God, wife of God, you've been looking forward to that romantic evening with your husband.

It's all planned out and you're looking forward to the nice candlelight dinner and looking forward to him, taking you out to the ocean and walking along the beach, but he gets a phone call earlier that day from the boss and the boss says, you need to come into the office, we've got some business to do and there's a due date. So he asked the council and what happens, you immediately find yourself furious inside.

How can he not be here when we have had this thing planned out for the last 24 hours? And so you see, the bottom line in all of this is you're not getting what you want, and I've used this illustration before, but let me go for it again, you're not getting that properly placed toilet paper roll next to you. It's upside down and not right side up and you find yourself getting angry over it. This is a want that you have and it's not the way it's supposed to be.

James, as he continues to explore the condition of his readers, he points to the problem as being one inside of them. And he's going to add to that. He, he's going to say, what, The problem again you're so self-focused, you're so self-absorbed. In fact, you, let me ask you a question.

Did you guys maybe pray about, you want a godly husband? Have you prayed about it, you want a godly wife? You want godly obedient, always compliant. Have you prayed about it?

He's gonna ask that question, he, he's gonna say, you have not because you ask not. You haven't prayed about it, right? And, and, and, and what is implied here is the, is the fact that they are so self-absorbed that they cannot even think about possibly praying to the Lord about the matter to see if he would allow it to be the way they want it to be. But then there's some in the audience, some of the readers, that's not me, James, I, I, I've been praying about the matter.

I've been praying about the matter for, for weeks, no months, no, it's been decades. I have been praying for my wife about this matter for decades and she still is not changing for me. James would say therein is the problem, changing for you. Changing for you.

She is not compliant to you, her master. You see, you are praying, but when you pray, you pray with wrong motives, you are praying selfishly, you are actually using God as the proverbial genie, you're rubbing the lamp and you're wanting God to pop out of the lamp and to come to you and say, your wish is my command. I will do whatever you want me to do. You see, come to the Lord with the wrong motives is not appropriate.

He says you guys ask, but when you ask, you ask with wrong motives so that you may spend it on your own desires. It's all self-centered, and such is the condition. Of the heart, yeah, even of a believer. Now, please don't get me wrong.

We need to balance this. While we affirm the doctrine of indwelling sin, we also affirm the fact that in Christ we are holy, righteous, and without blame. We accept the fact that through Christ we are completely forgiven and freed from the guilt and power of sin. We are new creatures in Christ, dead to sin and alive.

To God we understand that He has taken out the heart of flesh and He has, He has taken out the heart of stone, and He has given to us a heart of flesh. We understand this. If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away.

Behold, all things are new. We understand that. Nevertheless, there still remains in dwelling sin that we as the people of God are dealing with in our lives. There is still this, this indwelling sin and, that will never completely go away until glorification.

I can safely say that you are a new creature in Christ already, but not yet. Yet the day will come in the future when you will be glorified with a new body, and you will be able to worship the Lord perfectly without sin, without stain. You will have relationships with your brothers and sisters in Christ that are not marked by Conflict, that day will come, but in the meantime, we've got to walk by the spirit. We've got, we've got to say no to the flesh, and we need to seek to glorify God in our actions, our attitudes, our behaviors with one another.

Well, this brings us to the next point number 3. Relational conflict is worse than we think. James has already described it as war within. James has already described it as murder, but in this particular passage, note what he says.

You adulteresses here he calls it adultery. Here he is saying that you. Relational conflict with others. This leads me to the conclusion that you are committing spiritual adultery.

Now think about that spiritual adultery. He chooses the worst possible way of explaining their sin in order to get them to realize just how bad it is, adultery. what adultery is? It's when a, a husband forsakes his wife and engages in an illicit relationship with another woman or a woman does the same thing, leaves her husband for another man.

This is as disgusting, as, as sinful, as, as, as wrong as you can get, and James is wanting to really make a point here that what? When you are engaged in relational conflict out of the overflow of your selfishness because your desires are not being met, you are in essence committing spiritual adultery. You are cheating on the Lord, you are violating the integrity of your relationship with Christ, you are committing spiritual adultery, and so relational conflict is actually worse than we think.

And while committing spiritual adultery seems to be as bad as it gets, the next point takes it one step further.

Relational conflict is not only worse than we think, it is even more worse. Moving on to the next point, number 4, relational conflict separates us from fellowship with God. At the very least, I would say this, there would be some who might take it further. There would be some who would say, what, if there's relational conflict in, in your life and it's habitual, it's ongoing, there's a very good chance that you don't even know Christ.

There's a good chance you're not born again. I'm not taking it that far. At the very least though, what I do want to say is that relational conflict separates us from fellowship with God. And so you see what happens is there's a connection between relational conflict horizontally.

And relational conflict vertically, the two go hand in glove. You can never separate the one from the other. A person who is struggling relationally with another person, a person who is experiencing conflict with another person, inevitably there is conflict with God. You see, at the end of the day, that is where the battle is.

At the end of the day. When I am in conflict with another person behind the scenes, I am in conflict with Almighty God Himself. He is sovereign. He is in control.

He has set the stage for me. He has allowed it to be such that I am being sinned against maybe by another person, and what happens is that my response is going to reveal my heart. I might respond by walking in the power of the spirit and respond to being sinned against by being loving, or I might respond to being sinned against by getting angry at myself because they are not meeting my demands. And so God and the sovereignty gives all of us almost daily opportunity to respond to the potential for conflict by walking in the power of the Spirit or by yielding to that and walking according to the flesh and having a fight with another person.

Relational conflict separates us from fellowship with God. He says, You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility towards God? You see, he, he equates relational conflict with friendship with the world. That's what relational conflict is, it's friendship with the world.

That's what happens in the world, but in the church, it really ought not to be this way. Among believers, it really ought not to be this way. And so relational conflict is synonymous with friendship with the world, and, and he says, Don't that friendship with the world is hostility towards God. Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

You put yourself at a distance from God when you are engaged in relational conflict as an overflow of your self-centeredness, of your hedonistic pleasures that are inside of you. How's this for encouragement? This is bad stuff. This is bad news.

And what is cool about James is he's gonna direct the attention of his readers away from their sin onto God himself. James knows that the solution to the problem is always found in God himself and so we're gonna see this shift take place. God graciously responds to us in the midst of relational conflict. And this leads us to point number 5.

God wants the relational conflict to end. Look at verse 5. Again, God wants the relational conflict to end. I don't know what you bring to the table here today.

I don't know with whom you might be having an argument with or with whom you might be fighting with. I don't know with whom your relationship has been, has been, broken with, but what I can say to you is that God wants the relational conflict to end. And what is interesting here is this directs our attention away from the horizontal and onto the vertical actually. Read verse 5, he says, or do you think that the scripture speaks to no purpose?

He The subject, I am taking the subject as being God Himself. It is God who jealously desires. This is present tense active voice. In other words, right now as I am writing to you, as you are receiving what I am writing right now in the midst of your relational conflict, I want you to know that God jealously desires the spirit which He has made to dwell in us, and I am understanding spirit.

not to be capitals but small s. This is simply another way of saying that God wants intimacy with you in the midst of your relational conflict. Know this, that God wants you. He wants your heart.

He wants intimacy with you. He does not stand off at a distance from you, but no, his attitude is this I want intimacy with those who are treating me as if I were their enemies. This is an amazing thought that James takes us to the very heart of God, and he directs us to God and his desire, his wants, your cravings or cravings of the world. You are involved in relational conflict, you are spiritual adulterers, but God wants to have intimacy with you.

He wants a relationship with you in the midst of your relational conflict, in the midst of your conflict with others, and your conflict with God. God wants you. And it's not just that God wants. The relationship.

It's not just that God wants the intimacy, that God wants the closeness. God has actually done something. In order to get what he wants. Point number 6, truth number 6, God gives grace, God gives grace to end the relational conflict.

Look at what His word says in, in verse 6. The conjunction here is translated by some as a contrasting conjunction, but, however, the same conjunction can be understood more in a continuative sense. You could, you could translate the Greek word as wherefore, and so it's completing the thought just introduced. What has, what has James just said?

He says God is wanting. intimacy with you. And so to complete the thought, he tells us wherefore he gives a greater grace. God gives a greater grace in the midst of your conflict, in the midst of your warring with one another, in the midst of your separation from God.

He's wanting you, and He has given to you a greater grace. What is this greater grace, James? A greater grace to resolve the conflict, a greater grace to put an end to the conflict, a greater grace so that you are no longer at odds with almighty God and you are no longer at odds with your fellow brother and sister in Christ. God has given to you a greater grace.

I submit to you that this is a reference to the cross. I would submit to you that what James is doing is he is, he is arresting. The attention of his readers by directing them to the greater grace of God, God's grace revealed to them through the cross. Yeah, he doesn't say the cross, but I think it is implied.

Where else do we get the greater grace from? From where we can experience intimacy with God and relational harmony with one another. The greater grace that God has given is given in the form of the cross. You see.

James provides for us in this. A sighting of Calvary. He gives, gives to us a look at the cross. He's wanting his readers in the midst of the relational conflict to take your eyes off of yourself and look to the cross.

Look at Christ, the one who bled and died for you. Look at Christ on the cross, who was crushed. It pleased the Father to crush Christ. on the cross so that you might have a relationship with Him.

God gives a greater grace. The Lord Jesus Christ entered this world, born of a virgin, lived a perfect life, and ultimately went to the cross with his hands and his feet nailed to wood, wooden beams, and a crown of thorns pressed upon his brow and physical pain unimaginable. He was willing to suffer and to endure for us so that we could be in relationship with Him. God gives a greater grace.

This is the solution to the problem. This is the solution to the problem. It's the greater grace of God and James knows this, and he knows that unless I direct them to the cross, unless I direct them to God's greater grace, they will never be able to change. And mind you, he's speaking to believers, right?

We as the people of God need to be reminded of the greater grace that has been given to us. You hear him say, Father, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. You hear Him from the cross in agony saying, It is finished. It is finished.

The work that needed to be done to secure intimacy has been accomplished. I have given myself as a ransom for all. And so God gives this grace to end the relational conflict and so you see, brothers and sisters, what was accomplished at the cross makes a difference vertically, vertically, horizontally in our relationships with one another. If it isn't, I would submit to you that you need to put your eyes on Christ and you need to see the one.

Who has died for you in the midst of your sin, in the midst of our relational conflict. He has provided the solution. We could end here and that would be good enough, but James is gonna give us some instruction here. He's gonna give us something to do and this is gonna bring us to point number 7.

We must respond. We must respond. No doubt there's someone here who is having relational conflict with someone, someone here who is in conflict with another believer, brothers and sisters fighting with one another, parents and children bickering with one another, brothers in Christ fighting with brothers in Christ, no doubt there is someone here for whom this applies, and so the question is, in light of the cross, what should we do? Look at.

Point number 7, truth number 7, we must respond with humility to God regarding our relational conflict in order to be exalted. Let's go back and read the end of verse 6 and then pick up from there. Therefore, it says, God is opposed to the proud. This is a warning, but here's the encouragement.

He gives grace to the humble. How unimaginable is that? In the midst of my relational conflict, in the midst of me yelling at my wife, in the midst of me being all ticked off at another brother in Christ, you are willing to give to me a greater grace, you are willing to, to give to me hum grace as I might humble myself before you. Yeah, God is opposed to the proud, gives grace to the humble, and, and, and brothers and sisters underline the word humble there.

At the very beginning of verse 10, we're going to see that word again, humble, and everything in between is sandwiched between the word humble. Everything between a sandwiched between the word humility. Everything that he says in between is simply an unpacking of what it. It means to be humble.

It is an unpacking of humility. It's like we've got this egg called humility, and now let's crack it open and let us see what is inside this egg of humility. He says submit therefore to God. Submit to God.

In the midst of your relational conflict, the Lord may be speaking to you, asking you to do something, asking you to be reconciled, asking you to confess your sin, asking you to ask for forgiveness, submit to God. Do what God wants you to do in relation to your relational conflicts. And then he goes on to say, submit therefore to God, resist the devil. You see, brothers and sisters, the devil will do all that he can to prevent you from being obedient to God.

The devil will do all that he can to prevent you from submitting to God. And if God is saying, I need you to go to this brother in Christ and be reconciled to that person, Satan will rear his ugly head, he will stand between you and that other person, and he will do all that he can because he hates it when brothers and sisters. In Christ live together in unity. He hates it.

He will do all that he can to prevent that from happening, but the Bible here tells us, resist Satan's attempts to interfere with your making relationships right with other people. Resist the devil, and here is the encouraging thing, and he will flee from you. He will flee. He will flee, he will go away.

You will be able to do what it is that God is calling you to do. And then he goes on to say, draw nearer to God, and he will draw nearer to you. You see, we can understand this a number of ways, but one of the ways in which I am understanding this is, is this way. When I have sinned against someone.

There is relational conflict, and God is calling me to make it right, and so I submit to God, but on my way to my brother in Christ, Satan rears his ugly head, and he puts up the obstacles and he's trying to prevent me from getting right with my brother in Christ, and, and, and, but I resist him and he flees, and I go to my brother in Christ to make reconciliation. I go to my brother in Christ to make the relationship right, to seek out his forgiveness. what happens? God.

is seeing that as an act of worship, I am drawing near to God, as I am stepping towards my brother in Christ, as I am stepping towards my spouse whom I have sinned against, as I am stepping towards my children or my parents whom I have sinned, who, whom I have sinned against, this is an act of drawing near to God and in the middle of that, God will draw near to you. You see how that works. Every horizontal relationship. Has a vertical significance.

The vertical relationship with Almighty God has a horizontal significance. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. He goes on to say, cleanse your hands, you sinners. Cleanse your hands.

In other words, make sure that you stop doing the things that you were doing that was sinful to begin with. Get rid of those things, stop doing it. Make a commitment that you're going to lay aside the sin, and then it goes on to say, purify your hearts. This speaks about what is going on below the surface, not just the actions, but the attitudes.

Purify the heart so that the motive of your heart is right in your relationships with your brothers and sisters in Christ and in relation to God Himself. Purify your hearts, you're double-minded, and he goes on to say, be miserable. Be miserable and mourn and weep. Let your laughter, this is no laughing matter.

This is serious. relational conflict is nothing to laugh about. Turn your laughter, let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. These are some of the things that constitute humility.

And then he wraps it up in verse 10 when he says, humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord. And he will exalt you, echoes of the apostle Peter, right? You remember Peter, that dude, open mouth, insert foot. This guy Peter, he really thought he was better than anyone.

He was willing to go out on a limb and to say, what, Lord, Though they all forsake you, I won't. You see, he is distancing himself from his brothers in Christ. He is setting himself up as being better than them. Though they all forsake you, Lord, I will never forsake you.

Nope, not me. In fact, I will lay down my life for you. I will die for you. Oh yeah, and the story.

He rejected his savior who was about to suffer for his salvation. And thereafter, he wept bitterly. He was absolutely shattered and broken by the reality of his own heart. He was shattered by his own pride and arrogance.

He was shattered to think that he would actually reject Christ in a moment of temptation, in a moment of testing. He was shattered to think that he would act so proudly and set himself up as being better than his brothers in Christ, and he was absolutely shredded. and broken, and he wept bitterly. And for all intents and purposes, the Lord would have nothing to do with him.

Yet the Lord reintroduces himself to Peter. On the shore of the lake, on the, on the beach, near the lake, near the sea, and at the barbecue, the Lord takes Peter aside and he says, Peter, I need to talk to you. And I got a message for you. Feed my sheep, tend to my lambs.

See, Peter was humbled, and he humbled himself before God and he broke down in repentance and somewhere along the way, the Lord Jesus steps into his life and he says, I am restoring you, I am calling you to be, to be a feeder of my sheep. And so relational conflict. 7 truths that should leave us convicted, comforted, and then committed to resolving all relational conflicts for the glory of God. Number 1, relational conflict occurs among believers.

2, it is caused by indwelling sin. 3, it is worse than we think. 4, it separates us from fellowship with God. Every horizontal relationship has vertical significance.

Number 5, God wants. Relational conflict to end. 6, God gives grace. He gives a greater grace so that the relational conflict between us and Him and us and others would come to an end.

And then 7, we must respond with humility to God regarding our relational conflict in order to be exalted. And I don't know what you bring to the table here this morning. Perhaps there is someone here who, this is ringing a bell. God is speaking to you.

And there is someone that you have in mind with whom you are having a conflict with. And God wants you to humble yourself, and God wants you to do something about it, and God is wanting restoration. I want to end with a true story of a church. This church was mired in deep conflict.

There was conflict all over. There was fighting, there was quarreling in this church. There was quarreling among the leaders, there was quarreling between the leaders and the people of God. There was quarreling among the people of God, there was fighting and families.

it was really ugly. And a couple of guides, a couple of counselors were invited to come along and to try to restore the church, to try to, try to heal this church, and so these counselors spent several months ministering to people, ministering to individuals, ministering to groups, and giving them counsel and telling them what to do and what not, and they had on the agenda an evening service that they called a reconciliation service. And there was no reason to believe that it would become a blessing.

There was no reason to believe that hearts were changed.

In fact, the hearts of the people in this church was as hard as you can imagine. They were fighting. They were quarreling, but counsel was given. The cross was communicated, and listen to what one of the two counselors writes concerning this reconciliation service.

We began the service with a few songs and then I gave a brief talk establishing a framework for the way the service was to be conducted. When I finished the entire leadership body, 23 people walked up and faced. The congregation, one of the leaders was the first to step to the mic. He began to read aloud the corporate confession of sin that the leaders had put together.

Then he took his eyes off of his notes and looked straight at the pastor and his wife, and he said, We have sinned against you and caused you great pain. You could tell by the tears in his eyes and the quiver in his voice that he was speaking from his heart. Then another leader stepped up, confessed his sins, and sincerely asked for forgiveness from the pastor and the congregation. And then another leader, and soon more spoke.

We had expected 2 or maybe 3, but at last 7 or 8 came forward. We did not hear confessions weakened by the words if. But maybe instead we heard each one admit specific sins. You might think this would be a new way for someone in a position of leadership to lose the respect of others, but in my eyes and in the congregation's eyes, these men grew in stature.

We saw the truth of First Peter 5:6. Humble yourselves, and God will exalt you. After the leaders had made their confession, it was the pastor and his wife who next stepped up and addressed us all. Up to this point we did not know what to expect.

In fact, the pastor's wife had told us that if the service had been a week earlier, she would not even have attended, but she was a different woman that night. She shared how she had been hurt, something the congregation needed to hear. Then she began to admit her own sins. She looked at each of the leaders and confessed, In my heart I have murdered each of you men.

I was so wrong. Please forgive me. How free she looked after that. Her bitterness had been taken away.

Then her husband, the pastor, spoke. He too granted the leader's forgiveness. Then he confessed his own sins, though he had the opportunity to lecture the leaders and the congregation. Instead he focused on his own pride and ambition.

It really humbled me as he shared sins of which I have been guilty. Finally, the members of the congregation had the opportunity to speak. It began slowly. First one here and another there repented of sin, divisiveness and hardness of heart.

Then it seemed everyone wanted a chance to approach the mic. One confession led to another. Everyone pointed at himself or herself. Each one became his own chief accuser.

As the confessions continued, it was evident that the Holy Spirit was stirring their hearts. 8 o'clock came and a gentle quietness fell upon us all. I closed the meeting with prayer, but I felt unsure about ending the service. It seemed that God desired for something more to happen.

And it did as I dismissed the people. I could tell they yearned for more. I suggested that those who wanted to stay could just turn around and greet each other. They did.

In fact, they hugged and wept and confessed and forgave each other for so long that Gary and I finally made a quiet exit. We knew these people were in good hands, God's hands. I wish everyone could have seen the revival. Gary and I were privileged to witness.

It began when individuals humbled themselves, confessed their sins, and rose to love each other anew. That is actually the only way God brings revival. The way up is the way down. I myself was humbled that night.

I saw the pride in my own heart. I saw the great grace of God, who saved and saved and shall save a wretch like me. I thanked the Lord for how often others have overlooked my sin and when necessary confronted me in order to restore me. God is not through with any of us yet.

There are great things He has for all of us, and now I know how He will bring them. By leading us down. So that he may then lift us up as the ushers are preparing themselves to come forward with the offering baskets and as you take the information slip out to drop in the offering basket any prayer requests, any questions, any concerns, whatever, let the leadership know about that. Let us go ahead and look to the Lord in prayer again with the ushers coming forward.

Lord, we just thank you so much for your word. We thank You, Lord, for its clarity. We thank you Lord for the conviction that comes through your word. We thank you for the comfort that comes through your word, and we thank you Lord for the counsel that you give to us and how you through the power of the gospel encourage us to commit our ways onto you.

I pray, Lord, that if there are any relational conflicts in this church, if there are any relational conflicts that people in this church are involved in. I pray, Lord, that you would motivate them by the cross, by your grace, by your greater grace, motivate them to make these things right, and I pray that as they draw nearer to you, that you would draw nearer to them as well, Lord. I pray, Father, that You would preserve our unity and our harmony as a church. I pray that you might cause us to grow in our love and affection for one another, that we would honor one another, respect one another, serve one another, act in humility one towards.

that Lord, we would be the people of God that you would call us to be and that Lord, your glory would express itself in our midst. I pray that you would take our meager offering, our humble offering, and that you would multiply it for your glory and for the good of the church. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.