What To Do With Your Parents

Well, let me have you guys turn in your Bibles to Ephesians chapter one. Ephesians. chapter one. we are getting back to finally our study of the book of Ephesians, starting today, and as we launch back into our verse by verse study of this book, we come to Ephesians chapter 1, or chapter 6, verse 1.

And my goal this morning What did I say? Yeah, chapter 6, verse 1 through 3 is what I want to cover today. And we're going to be speaking to children today, and the title of the message is What to Do with Your Parents. What to do with your parents.

We spent the month of December talking to parents, telling them what to do with you. Today we're going to talk to you and tell you what to do with regard to your parents. surely as a child you have noticed this by now, that from your earliest days, you don't remember being born, I'm sure, but from your earliest days of memory you noticed that there were two people in your life, one who called themselves your mom and another who called himself your dad. And they were just there in your life.

And there was no decision on your part to put them there or even allow them to be there. And these two people seem from your earliest days to to feel responsible to take care of you and provide for you and to parent you. They also seem like they just assumed they had the right to tell you what to do and what not to do and to give you instructions and prohibitions. And they also from your earliest days seem like they acted like they had the right to discipline you.

Whenever you did not do what they said, and they would introduce pain, painful stimuli into your life, tactile pain or other types of pain that come with the taking away of privileges. And if you think about it, you never asked for these parents. No one ever sat you down and at an early age and asked, would you like parenting? If so, what parents would you like to choose for yourself as you've grown, especially those of you that are teenagers, I have no doubt that there have been points in your life where you were absolutely convinced that you no longer needed parenting.

Nonetheless, your mom and dad remain as stubborn fixtures in your life, raising the question, what do I do with these people? What do I do with this couple, this mom and dad, who are in my life, they won't go away. They're giving me counsel and guidance and instructions and, and so forth. How do I respond to them?

What do I do with them? I was thinking this week about when our daughter, Brooke, she's 17 years old now, but When she was 14 months old, or however old she was when she started walking, when she learned that ability to walk, a change came over her. Up to that point, we carried her around everywhere. She was compliant and, and seemed like she needed us.

But as soon as she learned how to walk, this, this air came over her that basically conveyed, Mom, Dad, I'm grateful for everything you've done up to this point. But I don't need your services any longer. Because I can walk now. And she seemed to feel like she can just walk wherever she wanted to go, whenever she wanted to go in any particular direction.

And seemed like she thought she didn't need us anymore. Well, my wife and I disagreed with that sentiment, and we just, I don't know, we just felt like we weren't done parenting her. And so we have remained as stubborn fixtures in her life, raising the issue for her over the years, as for all children, and that is what do I do with these people that call themselves my mom. And my dad.

What makes this question especially thorny, is the fact that your mom and your dad are sinners. They sin. And as you live with them day in and day out, probably not a day goes by that you don't see some sinful attitude in them. Maybe they're coming at you in a fleshly sinful way, or you hear them arguing with one another or talking to someone else in the church or whatever, and their attitude is wrong.

Their perspective is wrong. And so they, they sin every single day. They are sinners. And that makes this question all the more difficult.

And that is how do I, how do I relate to these two people? How do I respond to these people that are seeking to parent me? They feel responsible for me. They're giving me instruction.

Instruction, guidance, and wisdom, and yet they are flawed themselves and sin every day. What are my responsibilities towards these people in my life? What do I do with my parents? Well, Paul answers that question in Ephesians 6:13.

And let's read this together, beginning in verse 1. He says, children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long. On the earth.

This passage applies to those of you that are 5 years old, 10 years old, 15 years old. This passage applies to those of us that are outside, out from under our parents' roof, and we have left our father and mother and cleaved to our spouse, and we have children of our own. This passage applies to us because the command to honor our parents is something that we do throughout our lives. This passage even applies to those of you whose parents have passed away.

You realize we still honor our parents, and the way that we speak about them, the way that we live our lives, even long after they have passed away. And so there is something in this passage for everybody. Plus, as a parent, you're going to want to listen in as God speaks to your children so that what he's telling them to do, because that's what you need to hold them to. And so there's much in here for parents to pay attention to as well.

You don't want to just wait till verse 4 to say, OK, now he's saying something I need to hear. You need to listen very carefully to what God says to your children so that you can parent them to fulfill what God's calling is upon them. So how do I respond to my parents and their parenting in my life? There are basically two instructions that Paul gives in these verses, and the first instruction to all children who are under their parents' authority is to obey your parents.

He says, Children, obey your parents. Obey your parents. Notice that it's parents obey your mom and your dad. You need to respond obediently to both of them.

It's easy for us sometimes as children to respond to one parent differently than another. I know when I was a kid, even went up to my teenage years, my bedroom was on the 2nd floor of our home, and you could hear footsteps. If you were down on the 1st floor, you could hear footsteps, and my mom would call from downstairs on school day mornings and say, Milton, get up. Our prayer is that you were blessed by today's message.

If you would like more copies of this message. You can contact us by calling 951-781-8174. That's 951-781-8174. If you would like to email us, please use CS Bible@hotmail.com.

That's CS Bible@hotmail.com. May God bless you. I would not get up. I would, I would remain lying in bed.

But I would allow my left leg to lift out of the bed and then I would stomp my left foot on the floor so that it would sound like a footstep. Meanwhile, I'm just lying there on the bed and I would go back to sleep with my left foot on the floor. 5 minutes later, Milton, get up! I'd lift up my foot and hit it on the floor again.

And unfortunately I disobeyed my mom a number of times that way, but then my mom would sic my dad on me, who was a 20 year career Marine, a guy you didn't mess with. He would come upstairs, deliver a crisp, clear command. And in 1 2nd I was on my feet in obedience to him, but that was a double standard. I obeyed him instantly, but I did not respond the same way to my mom.

Paul is saying, God is saying obey your parents. Obey both of them, not just one of them. Now, what does it mean to obey your parents? What's interesting about the word that Paul uses here is it's a compound word in the Greek, it's the word for listen.

But then attached to the beginning of this word is the word under the preposition under, literally, it means to listen under. how sometimes your parents say to you, listen up. And we actually will attach that preposition up to the end of the word listen. Well, literally Paul is saying listen under.

All right, so what does that mean? He's obviously being very careful about the word choice here. What does it mean to listen under your parents? Well, let's think about this by way of application.

What it means is first and foremost, you need to see yourself as being underneath your parents' authority and wisdom. You are beneath them, you are below them in authority, and even in wisdom. And so you need to see yourself this way, your parents are God given authorities in your life. You are not an authority over them.

You don't go barking out orders and commands to them, which sometimes kids can be guilty of, you are underneath them in Authority, and you need to see yourself this way. You're also, believe it or not, newsflash, you're underneath your parents and wisdom. You are not as wise as your mom and dad are. There might be details and facts and data that.

In fact, almost daily, my daughter comes home from school sharing with me something that she's learned from a particular teacher, and there's a lot of stuff that she says, facts and data that I've never known before, and I'm instructed by it. And so there are things that you might be able to share with your parents that they don't know, and they can benefit from that, but in terms of the wisdom to put that together to make wise decisions and how to look at yourself and how to look at God and the world that you live in and perspective on the future, wisdom for successful living, you need to understand that your parents are 2 times your age, or 3 times your age, maybe in some cases, 4 times your age.

And they've got a lot of wisdom and you honestly need to see yourself as underneath them in wisdom, so that you value what they have to say to you. So that to listen under them means that you see yourself as being underneath them, underneath their authority and wisdom.

And then secondly, you look for them to speak, you actually look to your parents, expecting them to speak, just like a soldier. that's in the army doesn't just get up and do whatever he wants. And then occasionally his commander has an instruction for him. A soldier expects his commander to speak, and it doesn't crash his party like, Well, what are you doing giving me these instructions, commander?

No, he expects it. And you need to view your parents in the same way, expect them to speak, expect them to give you instruction and guidance. And sometimes as kids, you can think that you're your own entity. You're living your life from day to day, and then your parents dare to come into your world and give some instruction.

And it crashes your party and you're resistant to it. It's a, it's an unwelcome intrusion rather than having the attitude that, what, I'm under my parents' authority underneath their wisdom, and I am looking to my parents. I'm expecting them every day to give me instruction and guidance. And if you have that attitude when they do step in and give you instruction and guidance, you're expecting it, and it's not an unwelcome, unexpected intrusion.

Also, You look for them to speak, but you also actually pay attention to what they say to you. I am sure that if I asked for a raise of hands, every one of us who once were children or are now children would have to admit that there have been times our parents gave us instructions, and we honestly have no memory. Of them giving us those instructions. why?

Because we didn't place value on the fact that they were speaking to us. We didn't attach value to their words. You read through the Old Testament. There were things that God said to the children of Israel that they never even heard because they didn't care.

They didn't value him as their Heavenly Father. So when your parents do speak, you pay attention to what they say. And then next, you actually remember what they say. Let's, let's ask for a raise of hands here.

How many of you ever said to your parents when they said to you, I told you to do such and such? Why didn't you do it? How many of you have ever said, Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot. Raise your hand.

All of us have said that, as our parents are bringing it back to our attention, we're thinking, what, my goodness, I actually recall them telling me to do this. But I totally spaced it. I totally forgot. Well, again, you read through the Old Testament, and you see that Israel suffered great hardship.

Many people died, they lost their land. why? Because they forgot. In some cases, they actually heard what God said.

They understood it. God was clear enough. And then the Israelites turned around and forgot everything that God had just told them to do, and they were judged for forgetting. And so if you're going to obey your parents, you need to look for them to speak.

You need to pay attention when they are speaking. And then you need to actually remember what it is that they've said to you. But even that's not enough. Lastly, you have to do what they say.

It's not enough to say to your mom and dad, Well, I heard you, and I remember what you said. I haven't done it, but just want you to know that I remember. That's not good enough. You need to actually do what they say, and you do it right away and with a right attitude.

If your parent tells you to do something, and they have to tell you 5 times before you get up and do it, what you've just done? You have disobeyed them 4 times. And then chosen to obey them on the 5th time. That is not the pattern that God is calling for from you.

Obedience is obeying right away when the command is first given and obeying with the right attitude. He says, Children, obey your parents and the In other words, do this because you are in the Lord, do it for the Lord who has done all of these gospel things for you that Paul has been presenting throughout the book of Ephesians. But then look at what Paul says, at the end of verse one. Paul gives an argument.

He's talking to like a 5 year old child, and he says, child, obey your parents. And then Paul's thinking, I want to say something that will motivate this child to do this, and look at the motive he comes up with, for this is right. For this is right. what this really strikes me with Paul is showing tremendous respect to children.

That he would say, you obey your parents, and let me give you one good argument why you should, because it's the right thing to do. This argument indicates for us as parents. That apparently children can be. Motivated to do the right thing simply because it is the right thing.

Without always thinking, well, what's in it for me? Paul's going to actually get into what's in it for them. But Paul believes that children, even the youngest children, are capable of doing the right thing, being motivated by the fact that it is the right thing to do. And so we as parents ought to be instructed by this that apparently our children are capable of doing the right thing because it is the right thing.

Nonetheless, there might be some children in this room who you hear Paul say, children, obey your parents and the Lord. And here's my argument, because it's right. And your response may be, wow, that moves me. You're thinking, well, that's very unmoving to me.

That's not compelling. How is that supposed to motivate me to do what is right? Maybe that argument does not resonate with you. But nonetheless, I would encourage you that if this does not resonate with you, to stop and unselfishly consider How many things every single day that your parents do for you, not because they feel like doing it, but because it's the right thing to do.

Just think about you are the beneficiary every day of overwhelming acts of love and kindness that are done by your parents and even other people, not because they feel like doing it, but simply because it's the right thing to do. And if you stop and think about that, you can come up with a long list of things. For example, in your earliest days, how many diaper changes? Were you the recipient of Please understand that as much as your parents loved you, they never once woke up in the morning and said, today is a great day for a diaper change.

They never probably wanted to do that, but what, it was the right thing to do. And if your parents lived every day from the day you were born doing only what they felt like doing, you would probably still be wearing that diaper you messed on your first day. But they did that and changed those diapers, thousands of them, because it was the right thing to do. Your mom, your dad may enjoy cooking, but I guarantee you there have been many times where they would rather be laying down, reading a book, relaxing.

are being somewhere else doing something else besides cooking, but they cooked anyway, not because they felt like doing so, but because it was the right thing to do. Teenage daughters, your mom, you drag her along with you and to, to go shopping for For clothes, and you're looking for just the right thing, and you go from store to store to store, and you find almost the right thing and your mom's convinced that's the right thing, but you're not 100% satisfied with it, and you need to go to one more store.

You think your mom does that because it's thrilling for her, or that she always feels like doing that? No, she does that because apparently it's the right thing to do.

every time your parents take you to school and bring you home from school, and take you to the doctor and home from the doctor, take you to the doctor, the emergency room at 2 o'clock in the morning, taking you to the dentist. They don't do those things because they feel like doing them, but they do them because it's the right thing to do. I sometimes I play PlayStation with my kids, with my boys, and there are times where I'll act like, well, I don't want to do this, but it's the right thing to do, to spend time with my sons.

So we will play Madden 2007, because it's the right thing to do.

And I'll act like it's a burden, but a duty nonetheless. but nonetheless, just think about it. There's so many things that your parents and even other people, your school teachers and Sunday school teachers, people in the church, there's so many things that you benefit from every single day that people do for you. Not because they feel like it, but because it's the right thing to do.

And if you stop and think about that long enough, And then you have God speaking to you saying, children, Obey your parents. Because it's the right thing to do. It'll put you in a frame of mind to where that argument is compelling, and you'll say, what, so many do things for me because it's the right thing to do. And so I will do what I'm supposed to do because it is the right thing to do.

Well, there's another instruction that Paul gives. In the next verse, and that is to honor your father. And mother, these commands overlap. They're not to be seen as exclusive of one another.

You are to obey your parents. One of the ways that you obey them is by honoring them. One of the ways you honor your parents is by obeying them. But nonetheless, there are different nuances that come out in this command to honor your father and mother.

Look at this verse 2. Honor your father and mother. It does not say honor your father or mother. It's not enough to say, Well, I'm honoring one of my parents.

The other one I'm totally disrespecting. you need to honor your father and your mother. And if you're a child, especially under your parents' roof, just stop for a moment and think about how you respond to both of your parents. Do you respond with equal honor to both of them?

Or do you honor one more so than the other? I've seen sometimes teenage daughters and the way that they speak to their mom, they treat their mom like their mom is a sister. And there's disrespect. They're not recognizing their mother as being their mother who needs to be spoken to and responded to with respect, and a daughter can be bossy to her mother, and even sons can be this way as well.

And sometimes they respond differently to their mother than they do to their father or vice versa. But you are commanded to honor your father and your mother. Now what does it mean to honor? the word honor means to esteem as valuable, to esteem as valuable.

So Paul isn't just saying make sure externally you are speaking honorably to your parents. He's calling for something to happen in the heart, and that is that in your heart, you esteem your parents as valuable. And then you express that, you show honor to them. You give expression to that through the words that you speak, and also through the deeds that you do.

Now, in practical terms, how can we go about honoring our parents in this way, whether we're under their roof or Even out from under their roof. let me give you a list of some practical ways to honor your parents. Number one, esteem them as a necessary and valuable part of your life. Esteem them.

As a necessary and valuable part of your life. sometimes, especially as a child gets older into the teen years, they begin to think about themselves that, what, I think I pretty much can take it from here. I, man, I, I've been going to school, and I've been watching TV shows and listening to music lyrics, and I am really intelligent now. And I don't really need my parents anymore, and you can get an attitude towards your parents that they're like wisdom teeth.

They're still there. You can't wait for them to be removed. You can't wait to get out of the home. When instead, to honor them is to say, what, God, you gave this mom and dad to me.

And I am still under their roof by your divine providence because apparently you believe. You think that I desperately need them and their wisdom and their counsel, and so you need to esteem your parents as a necessary and valuable part of your life. Secondly, related to that is esteem their counsel as necessary and valuable when they're giving you wisdom and they're speaking counsel to you. give heed to that place high value upon that, given their life experience and things that they've learned the easy way and the hard way, you're going to save yourself so much heartache and trouble that we ourselves as parents have had to experience if you will just listen to some of the things that we have learned the hard way.

and that means that when your parent comes to you, especially if you're a teenager, and they say, what, your mom and I have been praying about this and talking about this. And here is, here's a, here's a yellow flag that we see. Here's a concern that we have a pattern that we see in you. That you actually receive that.

Rather than, well, I appreciate your attempt at parenting, and it's actually cute that you're trying so hard, but don't really need this. No, what, I'm 42 years old. I still have people coming to me, seeing yellow flags in me that I don't even see myself. And if we At our age, need people coming to us and telling us what they see.

You definitely need a mom and a dad coming to you and telling you what they see, and for you to give serious heed to that and to be grateful for the fact that you have a mom and a dad who love you enough to speak those things to you. And so when they give counsel and wisdom that you esteem that To be valuable and necessary to honor your parents means that you speak to them respectfully, that you're careful in how you respond to your parents, how you speak to them, even your body language, and, and what you convey to them.

And please listen carefully. what, all of us as parents, we're all sinners, and what, we're going to sin against you.

I had to I had to go to 2 of my kids this week at 2 different points, 2 different instances, and ask their forgiveness for a wrong that I've done against them. And so it's just a given your parents are going to sin against you. And hopefully they'll come back to you and make that right. But here's the deal, there are going to be times where your mom or dad are speaking to you, and they're in the flesh.

They're sinning. And they're not speaking to you with respect. And you might then feel entitled to speak to them with disrespect, but I'm telling you, God is telling you that even if your parents are not speaking to you appropriately, that is never an excuse for you to sin in the same way by speaking disrespectfully to them. You're going to find throughout life that there's going to be many situations your boss.

A professor at college or whatever and family members, there's going to be many times in your life where someone is treating you and speaking to you with disrespect, and in those situations you need to do what God tells you to do, and that is speak a soft answer that turns away wrath and show respect to that person and entrust yourself to the care of your Creator. God is in heaven. He's taking notes. He's writing names.

He sees. that's happening and trust yourself to him and let him be your protector and your defender, but you don't resort to committing the same sin that someone is committing against you. And so respond with respect. Speak to your parents respectfully.

Also, even when you're not with them, you speak about them respectfully. That's another way to honor your parents. They might be 2000 miles away, but how do you talk about your parents? when speaking to other people, you honor your parents by speaking to them, or about them respectfully.

Also, go to the bottom of the screen. Let's do this one first. You also honor your parents by making wise choices throughout life. in Proverbs 10:1, it says, a wise son makes his father glad.

You want to honor your parents, you make wise choices throughout your life. And you can honor them by doing so. There have actually been situations that I've been in, where that's actually come to my mind. It's like, man, if I do this, and this gets discovered, what shame this would bring to my parents.

That's not the only thing I think about. But there have been times where that thought has come to me. And it's been used of God to help me make the right choice so as to honor my mom and dad and not bring shame upon them. And so live a life of wisdom and abstaining from sin and choosing what is right and righteous, and you can honor your parents in doing that.

Also, you honor your parents by showing appreciation to them by actually noticing the things that they do, and then expressing that appreciation to them. And this is not just something that adults should do. This is something that you as a child in the home should become very skilled at. It is so easy to be self-absorbed as a child, and you're the recipient of all of these benefits every day.

And there's never any thanks or appreciation that comes from you unsolicited. But boy, if you don't get something that you think you should have coming to you, everyone in the house is going to hear about. It. And so you're very vocal about what you're not getting in those occasions where you're not getting something you think is due you.

But when you do receive many things that are the result of hard work and labor and so forth, and love, you're not quite so verbal. In fact, in some cases, not verbal at all, and showing appreciation to your parents for the many things that they do for you, Paul David Tripp. In his book Age of Opportunity says this very few parents have headed to bed at night only to hear sobbing coming from their teenage daughter's bedroom, and had the following conversation. What's wrong, dear?

they ask. The daughter replies, Oh, I was just thinking about you and Mom and how unthankful I've been. I feel so guilty that I haven't appreciated you more, and I've committed myself to demonstrating that I appreciate you every day. How many parents have had that happen to them?

OK. On the contrary, The trend for teenagers is to be much more filled with self-orientation and self-interest than to be filled with an awareness and appreciation of others. what, you're a sinner as a child just like every adult in this room. We're all naturally selfish.

Resist that inward tug of selfishness, and step outside of yourself. what, you're a wonderful person. But don't think that everyone just loves doing everything for you all the time because they feel like doing that. And that the whole world wakes up every morning thinking, how can I serve you?

and do whatever you need me to do? There are so many things that are being done for you, because it's the right thing to do. And because people love you and care about you, Stop and notice that. Take your earplugs out, turn your eyes away from the PlayStation or the television show, and look at what other people are doing for you, and be grateful, and express that gratitude to them become good at that.

If you learn that lesson now, not only will you be honoring your parents, but that's something you ought to do throughout life whenever anyone does anything that is good, that you are the beneficiary of that you notice that, and you go to that person, and you express gratitude to them. And so naturally you are selfish just like We adults are, but nonetheless, try to resist that in the power of God's grace, and be a grateful individual. One of the things I've noticed too is, even if I and I wasn't, but if, if I was under my parents' roof, just always looking for ways that I could express gratitude to them, I would have seen a lot more than I than I did see.

But there's still so many things I would have never seen until 10 years, 20 years out of the home.

Now that I have my own kids. And I know how hard it is to have family devotions every day. I look back on How my parents did, and I'm like, wow. That's pretty amazing, how consistent they were, given how challenging it is to get the family together every day.

You guys remember 3 or 4 months ago, we were preaching through Ephesians 5, talked about coarse jesting and filthy language and stuff and how that should not be named among us. It was while preparing that message that something occurred to me that had never occurred to me before. And that was, what, my dad came from an alcoholic family. was a career Marine.

Working around everyday filthy mouthed people. And I never one time in my whole life heard my dad cuss. I heard him say shut up. One time.

And as I'm studying that passage, it dawned on me, it's like, wow. And so I called my dad up and said, I was just Studying this passage and I never heard you cuss through your whole life. Growing up in your home, and I just wanted you to know that I appreciate that. I know that wasn't easy, given the children that you had.

And so there are things that you notice even after you get out of the home about your parents and the way they were when you were under their roof, and that's a great time to pick up the phone or pull out a piece of paper or pull out a card and to share with them what you're realizing that you're grateful for and express that to them. Real quickly, guys, another way to honor your parents and a final way to honor them is by providing whatever resources and care that your parents need in their later years.

It doesn't even have to be later years. Maybe your parents fall on hard times after you have moved out and gotten married, or maybe they're in their waning years and their health is beginning to fail.

They need care and they need resources. They need money. And you honor your parents by providing for them the care and the resources that are needed. Jesus actually teaches this in Matthew 15, Jesus says, God said, honor your father and mother.

And he who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death. But you say you Pharisees, and the rabbis are saying, whoever says to his father or mother, whatever I have that would have, that would help you has been given to God. That man does not need to honor his father or his mother, and by this you've invalidated the word of God. You say, What in the world is he talking about there?

Here's what he's talking about. They had a little gimmick that the rabbis provided for the Jewish people that basically allowed them to do this. They know that their mom and dad are going to have financial needs, need resources and money or whatever later in their life, and this son does not want to share that with them. And so here the parents are on their way to the son's house.

The son looks at all of his money and resources, and he pronounces the word Korban over. Corban. And what that did in one word, was devoted all of that to God. Now it's under vow, and it's been devoted to God.

And then the parents are saying, hey, we got this need, can you help us out? And the son says, Well, I'm sorry, all of this stuff that could have been a help to you. I've devoted it to the Lord, and I can't break my vow. It was a gimmick.

And they also taught that if later, you wanted to have all of that stuff revert back to you, just stand over it and say Corban again, and it reverts back to you. And Jesus says, you are not honoring your father and mother, with that silly little gimmick that invalidates the Word of God. If you have the means to help your father and mother, you help them. And in so doing, you will honor your father and your mother.

I know there are a number of people in this church, that when your mom or dad Maybe even right now or in the past was suffering grave physical problems and needed rides to and from the hospital and experiencing great need. You were there for them, setting a wonderful example of what it means to honor your father and your mother, doing everything you can, not only with money, but also with time and energy that you had even more energy than you actually possessed. By the grace of God, you were able to be there for them.

And honor your father and mother.

And this is what it means to honor your father and mother in their later years. Now, look at what he says. He says, honor your father and mother. And now, the first command, he says, do it because it's right.

But now he's going to say, hey, let me help you out. Let me give you another motive. He says at the end of verse 2, which is the first commandment with a promise? This is the first commandment with a promise.

In other words, of the 10 commandments that began the list of all of the commands that were in the law, the command to honor your father and mother was the 5th commandment, and it was the first commandment that had specifically attached to it a promise from God. And the promise is this look at verse 3. In fact, first look on the screen, here's the promises in Exodus and Deuteronomy. He says, Honor your father and mother in Exodus 2012 that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you in Deuteronomy 5:16, honor your father and mother, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you.

So there's two promises here. We see this in verse 3 of Ephesians 6. Promise number one, is that life will go well for you. Life will go well for you.

This doesn't mean you're not going to have hardship. Everyone's going to experience trial. And all who attempt to live godly in Christ will suffer persecution. So this doesn't mean that life is going to be a bed of roses.

There's going to be hardship in this fallen world. But basically what he's saying is if you honor your father and mother, that's the pattern of your life, you will Experience God's blessing. You will experience God's blessing. You will come to your dying day and look back over your life and say, what, my life has been full, and I have experienced the blessing of God.

Life has gone well for me, a hell deserving sinner who deserved God's wrath. Life has been good to me. God has been good to me. I have experienced God's blessing.

Now Paul is not saying, hey, honor your father and mother. And if you do that, you will earn God's blessing. No, what he's simply saying is obey and honor your father and mother, and you will locate yourself where God's blessing is. You understand the difference.

When you disobey and dishonor your father and mother, you are stepping outside of the realm where God's blessing resides. When you obey your father and mother and honor them, you are locating yourself where God's blessing is to be found, and life will go well for you. And the deepest sense of the word if you honor your parents in this way. There is a second promise that is found at the end of verse 3, and that is that if you honor your father and mother, you will live as long and as big as God has planned for you.

You will live as long and as big as God has planned. for you, when Paul says that you may live long, that expression live long, as you see on the screen is the Greek word macrochronios, Macrochronios. We know what chronios is, right? Something that's in chronological order.

It speaks of time. And then macro, we all know what micro is, right? It's something that's small. A microscope helps you to see things that are very small.

Macro is the opposite of micro. Macro speaks of something that is very long or very large and big. And Paul is saying if you honor your father and mother throughout your life, then your Life will be macro chronos. As a general rule, he's saying you can expect that you will have a long lifespan.

You will extend your lifespan by living in obedience to your parents and honoring them. Now this promise being in the Old Testament was a very important promise because in the Old Testament, if parents Try to get their children to obey and the children disobeyed, the parents chastised them and the child repeatedly refused to obey and submit to his parents. what the parents were instructed to do? Well, let me read it.

Deuteronomy 21. If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him and bring him out to the elders of the city at the gateway of his hometown. They shall say to the elders of his city, This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us.

He is a glutton and a drunkard. Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death. And so this was actually a recourse that was available to parents. I am sure that more than once a parent said to the child, You want to go to the gateway of the city today?

No, no, I'll obey. but imagine living in a society where that recourse was available to parents. And so it adds even more poignancy to the promise, hey, you honor your father and mother, and you'll extend your lifespan. Because in that society, if you didn't do that repeatedly, or even if a child cursed his father and mother, he was to be put to death.

And so, That's why that promise is in the Old Testament, but also in the new, as a general rule, God is saying that often what you will find happening is that those that honor their father and mother, lengthen their life in doing so. Now that raises a problem. And that is Does that mean every child that honors his father and mother will live a long life? and any person that disobeys and disrespects and dishonors his father and mother will live a short lifespan.

What do we do with Hugh Hefner? who actually had a religious upbringing and defied all of that and has lived a fairly long life on this earth. We have children in Sudan. In Christian homes who love God and their faith is being forged in the fires of affliction like we can't even imagine children no doubt who are obeying their parents and who are having their hands cut off and being dismembered and many of them even killed at a very young age, we would never look upon them and say, well, they must not have been obeying their parents.

And so as a general rule, this is what God is saying, but you read the book of Ecclesiastes and Solomon has to grapple with the fact that, what, why is it that the wicked sometimes live long and the righteous have their lives cut short? And he grappled with that and he struggled with that reality that we see in a fallen world. And so understand that this promise is speaking as a general rule. But also, I think this is worth making a big deal out of, go back to the word macrocronios.

And understand that this could mean your life will be long timed or big timed. And I think we can honestly say that you live your life honoring your mother and your father. Even if your lifespan is not long, it will still be macro. Your life will be big time.

There will be much in those years, much of God's blessing, much usefulness even in your few years. Let's think of some people who lived big in a rather short lifespan. David Brainard, the missionary to Indians in early American history during the days of Jonathan Edwards. What an impact he made in leading souls into the kingdom, and many people to this day go into the mission field as a result of reading his biography.

Jonathan Edwards combined. Compiled David Brainard's journal entries and put together a biography of David Brainard and began to make that available for public consumption and it was the best selling, most widely read biography of that day. And so even after David Brainard, who died at the age of 29, even after he died, he was still living long in terms of his impact that even continues to this day. Robert Murray McShane, the great pastor who was a prolific writer, I've quoted from him in a number of sermons, he still has an impact upon pastors and laymen alike.

He lived 30 years and yet he accomplished so much during those 30 years upon this earth. William Borden, who in the early 1900s was an heir, he was already a millionaire as a kid and he was an heir to the Borden dairy estates. He was in the Borden family. Which is why his last name was Borden, and But he left all of that wealth and said, I'm going to go to the mission field, and he went to Yale to train, and people around him noticed, man, there's something different about him.

And they were drawn to the Lord. He began having a Bible study, and at 1st 130 people, students and stuff, started. Into this Bible study before it was done, 1300 people were gathering for prayer and for study of the word of God. As a result of the leadership and the influence of William Borden, he told himself, what, by the leading of God, I'm going to the mission field.

I feel called to Muslims in China. And so he gets some more training at Princeton, leaves Princeton, stops in Egypt to get some training on how specifically to deal with Muslims. It was while he was in Egypt that he contracted meningitis and died. His life was cut short, but what?

He lived big, and there were many, many people. As you read his life story and the comments that other people made about him while he was at Yale and at Princeton, there were so many people that went to the mission field as a result of the influence of this man in this very short lifespan. His life was macrocronios. Henry Skogle.

A man back in the 1600s. who lived a very short life, died at the age of 28. And yet during that short lifespan, he wrote a book entitled The Life of God and the Soul of Man that is still being published today. A young man picked up that book who was really struggling with God and his soul and the state of his soul.

A young man named George Whitfield picked up that book and read it, and his life was forever changed. And George Whitfield went on to preach to literally hundreds of thousands of people throughout his life, and so many souls were saved. Henry Skogle and many others whose life spans were short. Nonetheless, they lived macrocronios lives, lives that were full of meaning.

Experiencing God's blessing and having great impact at the funeral of Henry Skogle. Somebody said these words. He truly lived much in a few years and died an old man in 828 years. They spoke about him like, what a full life.

What a macro life this man has lived. And so God speaks to all of those who are children. He says, obey your parents. Honor your father and your mother.

If you do so, I want you to do so because it's the right thing to do. But also, if you do so, you will be the number one beneficiary of your obedience and your honor to your parents. It will go well with you. You will experience God's blessing.

And your life will be macro cranios. Let's trust God and believe in his promises and do exactly what he commands. Let me ask you to bow your heads this morning. There's much in this text for every one of us in this room.

It'd be great if every one of us after this morning's message and then after. Our care groups tonight or tomorrow that we Specifically set about doing something specific and tangible. By way of obeying this passage. And hopefully you'll give thought to how to do that, but let's go to the Lord and ask Him to give us the grace to live life well.

In these ways Father, we are sinners and we deserve your wrath. And instead you allow us to experience the sunrise and sunset, the beautiful weather on this good earth. You've given us the gift of parents who are as flawed of human beings as we ourselves are, but nonetheless, they are gifts from you to us because that we need. Them.

May we be humbled by the fact that you felt that we needed Authority over us. And parents who had wisdom beyond our own years who could guide us. Along. And help us to be obedient where that is appropriate.

If we are under our parents' authority and help us to honor our parents throughout the entirety of our lives, help us as parents. To bring up our children in a way where we are helping them to obey these commands, not because it makes our day easier, but we want our children to experience your blessing. And so we want to hold them to the standard which is for their ultimate and eternal good. Bless us, Lord, guide us, teach us as we process these things personally, in our homes, and in community with one another in our care groups tonight and tomorrow.

Bring us back next Sunday, Lord, ready to launch into the next verse, and just soak in everything that you have for us and your wonderful word. We just give ourselves to You, Lord, in the name of Jesus. And all God's people said, Amen. Before you're dismissed, just a reminder about the Agape Fund.

If the Lord leads you to give to the Agape Fund.