Getting to the Place of Forgiveness - Part 4 (4 of 12)

Well, let me have you, turn in your Bibles to Romans, chapter one, Romans chapter one for our time of study in the word this morning. I do want you ladies to know I really struggled mightily with what to preach on this morning being Mother's Day. Normally, I will preach a, a separate special sermon for, for, the moms, but I decided today to, do part four, which is the final part of our mini series on getting to the place of, forgiveness. And there were a few reasons that went into that, that I'd like, to, share, with you.

One of the reasons is if I don't do this now, then we're not going to be able to get to the place of forgiveness until at the earliest, the first Sunday of June. And I think that might have been frustrating to, to some of you, including your mom. So we're covering this today. Also, I, as I thought about it, this, covering this topic has a tremendous amount to do with, with motherhood that would be of great practical help to the moms.

Think about it, ladies. is it not true that forgiveness is one of the best gifts that your husband and children can give you? You want forgiveness, right? And so I'm going to preach to them this morning.

And if my sermon can help them in their journey toward forgiving you for ways that you fall short, then I feel like I have blessed you in, in that endeavor. One of the things that I've noticed is that any woman that has been a mom for any length of time, often feels like a failure. I don't know that I've ever met a mom. I know that I've never met a mom 1520 years into parenting who has said to me, what, Pastor Milton, I had really high hopes for myself as a mother, and doggone it, I have exceeded my highest expectations for myself as a mom.

I've never heard anyone talk that way. No woman talks that way. Every woman goes into motherhood with very high, wonderful ideals of the mom that she envisions herself being, and she falls short of living up to that ideal. If you, if you want to discover the truth about yourself.

motherhood is one of those institutions to step inside of, and you will come to know yourself. pretty thoroughly over time. Rachel Cusk in her book on motherhood, just telling her own journey as a mother. Her book is entitled A Life's Work on becoming a mother, and she says this, in motherhood, I have experienced myself as both more virtuous and more terrible.

And more implicated in the world's virtue and terror than I would from the anonymity of childlessness have thought possible. That's a remarkable admission. As a mother, she's saying, I've discovered, virtue that's come out of me that's really been wonderful to behold. And I've also beheld the opposite coming out of me that has been troubling to behold.

And many moms would give testimony to that fact. And so we all hope, like moms, I know that you hope that, as you fail, you go to your children, you ask for forgiveness, and they may forgive you, but, but you hope deep down that they will grow up and as they go out of the home that they will look back upon your mothering of them with grace, that they'll remember the good that you did and where you fell short, that they will. Give you heartfelt and meaningful forgiveness for those failures.

I know.

I feel that as a dad, one of the best gifts my children can give to me is forgiveness for the ways that I have fallen short of serving them as I should. And I know you moms feel the same way. there's another reason why I think this, passage or this topic would be appropriate for Mother's Day. and that is because forgiveness, moms, is one of the best gifts that you can give to your children.

forgiving them when they sin against you. And we're not just talking though about forgiving your children, but also forgiving the other people in your life when they wrong you. Forgiving everyone else who wronged you is actually a wonderful gift that you can give to your children, for them to have a mom who models forgiveness and a spirit of grace and shows her children what that actually looks like. That is powerful.

In their lives. Many of the story of Jim Elliott and Nate Saint who 50 some odd years ago were down in South America. They were killed. 5 of these missionary men were killed by the Alca Indians, and Nate Saint, one of those men, his son Steve was 5 years old at the time of his father's murder.

And Steve. grew up without a dad. And not too long ago, around the 50th anniversary of his father's death, he was asked by someone, did you ever struggle with anger and bitterness and a spirit of vengeance towards your father's killer? And what Steve Saint said?

He said, I never struggled with that. And he said this, he says, I got my cues from my mom. And I never once heard my mom talk as if God had made some mistake or if they had made some mistake in going down to minister to the Alca Indians. So here's a boy who grows up and who's the victim of horrific evil.

His dad was murdered and yet he learned forgiveness from his mom and from the other widows. In fact, in the movie End of the Spear, I don't know if you guys have seen that. There's a scene where Steve Saint is like filled with rage and he's wanting to kill his father's killer. And when they showed Steve that scene, he's like, that never happened.

I never felt that rage against my dad's killers. But they said, we know, we know that, we know that. But most people would not be able to identify with that. So we're going to put this scene in here anyway.

but anyway, that was his legacy, this legacy of forgiveness from his mom, and it turns out that she, gave him a wonderful gift. In being a woman who gave forgiveness to his father's killer, stating it negatively, ladies, I would suggest that unforgiveness is one of the great obstacles to good parenting. Unforgiveness is one of the great obstacles to good mothering. Being a mom is hard.

It's one of the hardest tasks that there is. But it may be that being a mom is harder for you because you're trying to be a mom while at the same time. harboring unforgiveness in your heart. You cannot compartmentalize bitterness.

It may be against other people, but if that's in your heart, it will affect your ability to be a mother to your children. I was reading someone recently who stated the fact that like bitterness and unforgiveness is like drinking rat poison, hoping that the rat will die. And, and that it's true that you as a mom, you can't be drinking rat poison and expect to be a thriving mom at the same time. So it may be that the best gift that you can give to your children is to forgive the other people in your life who have wronged you.

It may be that you're not even mad at your children, but you're ticked and angry at your husband for the ways that he has hurt you and And let you down. And so you walk around during the day with that anger boiling inside of you, and that leaves you with a very short fuse. And it doesn't take a lot for your children to say or do something that lights that fuse, and then you explode on them, and your children thus become repositories of your anger against your husband. You can't compartmentalize anger, and you would render your children a great service by forgiving.

Your husband or anyone else in your life that you may be harboring bitterness against. It may be that As you look at where you are now, and the thriving mother that you want to be, it may be that your journey to becoming that thriving mother will entail you granting forgiveness to others. Nancy Lee Demas in her book, Choosing Forgiveness tells the story about a woman named Bonnie. And I want you to think of Bonnie and then Bonnie's mother and Bonnie's grandmother.

OK, those three generations. Bonnie's grandmother was a verbally abusive woman. In her moments of anger, she would lash out in rage and verbally abuse her children. Bonnie's mother did the same thing that her mother did and towards her children when she was angry, she would lash out and verbally abuse her children, and it just so happened that Bonnie was the special target more times than not of her mother's rage and verbal abuse.

And so Bonnie grew up just despising her mother and despising the way that her mother would would speak to her in those moments, and Bonnie resolved to never ever, ever speak to her children the way that her mom spoke to her. Well, Nancy Lee Demas tells what happened. Bonnie got married and she had a child and guess what happened? She says after Bonnie married and had her first child, she shocked herself one day when her little boy, who was under a year old, did something wrong.

And she found herself screaming at him in rage, horrified, she realized that the anger of her grandmother and mother was now hers. It scared her, scared her to hear words she hated, words she had promised never to inflict on her own children, now coming out of her mouth with the same ease. And volume. Well, Bonnie dropped to her knees immediately and asked the Lord's forgiveness for what she had just done.

Shortly thereafter, she was attending a conference on the subject of forgiveness, and the speaker was challenging her and everyone else that was there to, to take the sins of others and imagine it as a record. You guys remember those big Records that music used to be on, kids probably can't identify with that. just imagine a really big CD, OK? Well, you may not even know what a CD is, but anyway, she said, I imagine, the speaker said, imagine the sins of others as being on a record, and rather than replaying that the record of those wrongs over and over again, break that over your knee.

And so Bonnie decided, I'm going to do that rather than replaying my mom's words over and over again. I'm going to break that over my knee and I'm going to forgive my mom and give her real and practical forgiveness for her sins against me that hurt me so. And so she did that, and God brought healing between Bonnie and her mother and God broke the stranglehold of anger that was in Bonnie's heart. Enter Bonnie's brother.

who stood on the sideline. sidelines and watched his sister being transformed before his very eyes in the way that she was a mother to her children and listen to what Bonnie's brother said by way of describing the transformation. He said, Bonnie has been one of the most loving, wise, and godly mothers I've ever seen. She has not lashed out at her children in anger as her mother did to her.

God brought this to an end, fully and permanently when she came to the place where she forgave her mother. Fully and permanently for the wrongs she had committed against her, Nancy Lee Demas then says to the reader and to all of us, Bonnie would tell you if Bonnie were here today, she would tell us that forgiveness held the key to recovery and transformation. In her life turns out, probably the best gift that Bonnie ever gave to her children was to forgive her own mother for her mother's sins against her.

That's why this topic is relevant today on Mother's Day.

That's why it's relevant to our moms and to our dads and to all of us that are here today. It may be that the best gift. that you can give to your mom or your dad today is the gift of forgiveness and grace. Will this Mother's Day be a day of grace or a day of grievance?

For you. That's the question that I want to leave you all with. So we're talking about forgiveness, and we've offered a working definition of what it means to forgive. Somebody sins against you, they wrong you and to forgive is to send away the sin from between you and the one who has committed the sin against you and to hold that sin against that person no longer.

It is also to send away the offender from the vengeance, the just vengeance that he or she deserves from you as a result of the sins that they have committed. Against you and to forgive is to positively favor that person with blessing that he or she does not deserve. So it's more than just withholding retaliation. It is now pursuing that person who has wronged you and doing real and practical and active kindness to them.

Now that looks fine on your notes in a bulletin insert, and on the screen, but in the real world, what I just read is ridiculous. Many in our church have suffered horrific wrongs. And they're called by God to withhold retaliation, to send away the sin from between them and the person who has wronged them, and to do real and practical kindness to the offender. That is humanly impossible.

And even as Christians, the question that we would often ask in the face of this call to forgive those who have wronged us is how do I get there? You'll notice that even in Bonnie's brother's description of what happened to her, he spoke of her as coming to the place where she forgave. And that's what we're asking. How do I get to that place where I can give real and heartfelt forgiveness to Those who have wronged me, what we've learned is that it's the gospel that can get us there.

In Romans chapter 1, verse 16, the apostle Paul tells us that the gospel is the power of God into salvation, which denotes movement. It is the gospel that that can move us from a place of unforgiveness to a place of forgiveness, a place of bitterness. It can move us from that place of bitterness to a place where we are giving grace. And so what we're trying to do in this part of our series is to rally around the gospel, more specifically to gather at the foot of the cross and just do a 360 around the cross and And to gaze at Christ and Him crucified, and to make note, to open our eyes wide and our hearts wide, and to see what we can see, and to think about what it is that we see.

There are 8 thoughts total that we intend to look at. I know there are more that we could add, but 8 thoughts. that we can think at the foot of the cross that God can use to transport us to the place where we give grace and forgiveness to those who have wronged us. Let's review these thought number 1, that we can think at the foot of the cross in the face of wrongs as we're reeling with hurt.

Because of wrongs done against us, we come to the foot of the cross and we see someone else hurting. And that's Jesus, and we can observe that Christ has suffered as I am suffering right now, and infinitely more so, which means I am never alone in any pain. On the Christ, on the cross, Christ did more than bear my sins. He bore my sorrows and my griefs, including those sorrows and griefs I experienced on the receiving end of wrongdoing.

He intentionally placed himself underneath these pains so that he could feel them so that now in my pain, I would not be alone, but I would have an intimate and sympathetic companion with me who gets it and who is with me inside my circle of pain. There's a second thought that I can think at the foot of the cross. When I find myself in the face of wrongs done against me, and that is that sometimes God purposes that those whom he loves deeply be painfully sinned against. At the cross, I observed that I'm loved by God.

That's a thrilling realization. But then I, as I gaze at the cross, I also begin to observe that, well, wait a minute. OK, God loves me, but the Father loves Jesus. In fact, he's the apple of His eye, the supreme object of his love and affection.

And yet here he is hanging on a cross, getting crucified and suffering like no one has ever suffered. And so we think and we reason from that and conclude that apparently, sometimes God purposes that those whom he loves deeply, suffer great pain and have Painful wrongs committed against them. Nonetheless, there's a 3rd thought that we think at the foot of the cross on our journey to the place of forgiveness, and that is that God the Father can be trusted on the receiving end of any wrongdoing.

At the cross, we don't just see a man dying, we observe a man trusting Jesus, every step of the way is totally trusting his Father, all the way to his dying breath.

And after he died, God, on the 3rd day, raised him from the dead and ascended him to his own right hand. And from that position of glory, Jesus looks at you and I, in the midst of pain and sorrow that we experience. And he says to us, you can trust my Father, you can totally trust my Father on the receiving end of any pain or wrongdoing. At the foot of the cross, we can think 1/4 thought, and that is that I have committed greater sins against God than any person has ever committed against me.

Normally, when someone has wronged us, we'll come to the foot of the cross because we're in a place of anger and we're like, God, please get me to a place of grace. And when we come to the foot of the cross, we're fuming over the sins of the other person. And we see their sins as this big massive deal. But as we stand before the cross and observe Christ and Him crucified, our perspective begins to change, and we begin to realize the magnitude of our own sins against God.

Christ was pierced through from the sharpness of our transgressions and crushed under the weight of our sins. It was our sins that killed him, which makes us violators of the sixth commandment, thou shalt not kill at the cross. I am discovered to be a murderer. And of all people, I am a murderer of God.

My sins are huge. No one will ever sin against me any more greatly than I have sinned against God. But in the same moment where I discovered that where I'm seized, and I'm troubled with the awareness of the magnitude of my sins. In that same location.

Where I make that discovery of myself and the evil of my evil. I hear Jesus say, Father, Forgive. Forgive with full total knowledge of all the evil that is in me, all the evil I have done. And full self-disclosure.

At that very location, God says, I forgive you. I forgive and so we have the experience of our hearts thrilling at the awareness that though my sins against God are greater than anyone's sins against me, At the cross, I observe glory to God that Christ has purchased my forgiveness and my justification. And now aware of the magnitude of my sins, the greater magnitude of His grace, I can then turn to others who have wronged me with lesser wrongs than I committed against Jesus, and I can give them grace and I can grant them forgiveness.

There's a 6th thought that we can think at the foot of the cross, and that is that I have been purchased by Christ's blood, which means I am now owned by God and I live to serve His purposes and not mine.

at the cross, I see that Jesus was not just purchasing my salvation, my forgiveness, and my redemption. He was also purchasing me, which means that upon believing in Jesus and being saved by him, I no longer belong to myself anymore. I belong to Him who has purchased me. So it's not about me anymore.

That's a liberating truth. It's not about me anymore. Life doesn't revolve around me. I don't have rights anymore.

Jesus has custody of all of what was once my rights. And he has sovereign. the sovereign ability to dictate what it is that happens to me from day to day. And if God purposes that I be wronged or sinned against on a particular day, then I will embrace that the same way Jesus embraced.

The fate that befell him on the day of his death, saying not my will but your will be done. And we can come into each day and every experience and say, God, this is not my will, but your will be done. And I know that you would only allow this to happen to me today. You would only allow this to have happened to me in my past.

Only because you saw that you could use that to achieve your gospel purposes in me, and that you could show forth your glory through the response that you produced in me. In response to these wrongs that have been done. And so we can embrace that. Once we discover that it's not about us, and it delivers us from the pettiness that comes natural to all of us, as we get so offended and so bothered when people do things that are at cross purposes with our own selfish and petty.

agenda. And I'm speaking as the pettiest man in this church. And the more I find myself pondering this little by little, the more I'm observing that God is delivering me, weaning me from that pettiness, the small-mindedness that comes from just being wrapped up in myself rather than realizing I'm owned and operated by Jesus. Well, there's 2 more thoughts that we're going to think at the foot of the cross that hopefully, Lord willing, will take us the full distance the rest of the way to the place of forgiveness.

And The 7th thought is this basically that at the foot of the cross, I actually observe the nature of forgiveness. I learned something about what forgiveness. is how it works at the foot of the cross. Here's what I learned about forgiveness.

I learned that forgiveness is suffering. I learned that forgiveness is death. I learned that forgiveness is, in fact, crucifixion. This is what forgiveness looks like.

in fact, if you're thinking about forgiving someone, and you're like, Lord, I, I'm thinking about forgiving someone, can you give me an idea what that looks like and what it's going to feel like? He would point to Christ and Him crucified, and say, that's, that's what you're in for. That's what it's going to be like for you to forgive. Forgiveness is suffering.

It is crucifixion. It is Dying There are people who sometimes will ask the question, why, why didn't God just say, I forgive the world of everyone's sins. He could have just waved a wand and said, everyone is forgiven. I'm making the choice to forgive.

Why did God have to send his son into the world and have his son die and bleed and there's all the blood and nails and sweat and tears and, and all of that. People who ask that question. are likely people who have never really had to forgive somebody, or they've never actually forgiven somebody deeply and from their heart, because people who really have made the journey of forgiveness, and they have forgiven somebody of painful wrongs that have been done against them, and they have forgiven truly.

will tell you that actually, that is forgiveness.

Forgiveness is crucifixion. It is death. It is suffering. Timothy Keller in his book, The Reason for God says it this way, Everyone who forgives goes through a death and experiences nails, blood, sweat.

And tears. He goes on to say, forgiveness is costly suffering. Forgiveness at first always feels far worse than bitterness. That's why people choose bitterness over forgiveness, because initially, Forgiveness hurts more.

In fact, far more than bitterness. The bitterness may be destroying them, and everyone can see how the bitterness is consuming and destroying this person, but they remain in that bitterness because they don't want to die. They don't want to get crucified, and they know that to forgive is going to hurt me more than bitterness hurts me. It'll feel worse.

Than bitterness feels right now. But notice what he says. Forgiveness is costly suffering. Forgiveness at first always feels far worse than bitterness.

On the front end, it is crucifixion, and it is death, and it is suffering, and it hurts at first more than bitterness, but on the other side of that, there is deliverance. But I think it's worthy of focusing on this for a moment, guys, because we got to make sure that we're not naive about what forgiveness entails. And when we're challenging someone else, hey, you got to forgive. Don't say to someone, man, just forgive and you're just going to be so free.

That'll come. But you need to let them know that in calling you as a brother or sister in Christ to forgive, you're actually being called to suffer. You're being called to crucifixion, you're being called to die. The call to forgive is an invitation to die.

Timothy Keller unpacks this a little further. Listen to what he says in his book, The Reason for God. Forgiveness means refusing to make them, the offender, pay for what they did. However, to refrain from lashing out at someone when you want to do so with all your being is agony.

It is a form of suffering. You not only suffer the original loss of happiness, reputation, and opportunity, but now you forego the consolation of inflicting the same on them. You are absorbing the debt, taking the cost of it completely on yourself, instead of taking it out on the other person. It hurts terribly.

Many people would say it feels like a death. So if someone wrongs you, there's the initial hurt that you experience, but then there's the righteous vindication that rises up within you that you now want to unleash upon them and choosing to forgive and not retaliate. Listen carefully, the retaliation, that righteous vindication doesn't just dissipate, it's still there. Where does it go?

You have to absorb that in your person. It has to stop with you. And which means you absorb that in your person. So there's two layers of suffering, the suffering of the initial wrong and the pain that that induced.

And then absorbing in your own person the retaliation that you wanted to visit upon that person who wronged you. That's exactly what God has done for us. We have sinned against Him. In Genesis 6, we learned that He is pained all the way to his heart over the sins of mankind against Him.

And there is a righteous fury, a righteous wrath that rises up within God that we deserve to have visited upon us. But for those of us that have put our trust in Jesus and have been born again, we learn at the foot of the cross that what God has done is he absorbs that wrath in his own person and the person of His Son. He absorbs that in his own person, so that it does not get to us. And he suffers that.

That's the essence of forgiveness. It is withholding retaliation. And not only that, but absorbing the retaliation in our own person, and that hurts us in that moment as much as it would have hurt that person if we had unleashed. Our fury upon them.

Ken Sandy, and one of his books on, I believe in his book, The Peacemaker says, says it this way, forgiveness can be a costly activity. When you cancel a debt, the debt does not simply disappear. Instead, you absorb the liability that someone else deserves to pay. Similarly, forgiveness requires that you absorb certain effects of the other person's sins, and you release that person from liability to punishment.

This is precisely what Christ accomplished on, on Calvary. see, when you cancel a debt that someone owes you, the debt doesn't just disappear. You have to pay that debt. You absorb that debt.

Imagine that later today I come over to your house and we get into an argument. And I just storm out of your house just really upset and let's say you guys have just built this nice retaining wall right beside your driveway and spent a lot of money, thousands of dollars on, and I go back and out of your driveway and, and because of my carelessness and my anger I ram my car into your retaining wall and I do $5000 worth of damage. You with me? OK, you come out and you see what I have done.

And you say to me, what, I've been learning a lot about forgiveness lately, and what, Pastor Milton, I forgive you for what you have done, and I'm going to go beyond that even and technically I see you've done $5000 worth of damage to my retaining wall. I'm going to cancel that debt. I forgive you of that $5000 debt. I say thank you very much and I go on home and enjoy the rest of my day.

You go to bed that night and the next morning you get up and you walk out to look at this damaged retaining wall and to your amazement, you walk out and you look at it. And magically the wall is totally repaired. You get closer, you examine the wall, there's not the slightest evidence of any damage that I had done the day before. It is totally repaired.

And you say to yourself, I love this forgiveness business. I forgive someone of a debt that they owe me, and the debt just dissipates. Forgiveness is great. Is that what would happen?

No, you would walk out the next morning and the damage is still there. And the $5000 debt is still there, and you're the one who now has to bear the burden of paying that money, of getting estimates and investing time and energy in getting that retaining wall repaired. You have to absorb that. debt that you have forgiven me of.

And that's exactly what Jesus has done for us at the cross, and at the foot of the cross, I learned something about forgiveness, and that is forgiveness is going to hurt. Forgiveness is suffering. It is death. It is crucifixion.

And God and calling me to forgive. is calling me to die. But at the moment we realize that this is what forgiveness is, we come to one final thought, thought number 8. And that is that at the foot of the cross we observe that.

Death isn't so bad after all. In fact, it's the precursor. To life. We learn at the foot of the cross that death is not the end, it's actually the beginning.

We tend to think of death as the end, and we're frightened, we're terrified of dying as a result, but the cross shows us that death is not the end of the narrative. It's not the end of the story. And what, Jesus knew this, even while he was dying in the days and weeks leading up to his death, we learn in the Gospels that he kept on saying to his disciples, we're going to go to Jerusalem. I'm going to be arrested.

I'm going to suffer many things and I'm going to die. And then after I die, I'm going to be raised. And then there's even a time or two where he says, and after I'm raised, we're going to hook up in Galilee and here's what's going to happen. And the way that he told the narrative, he knew, Yes, I'm going to be arrested, I'm going to suffer, and I'm going to die.

But there are things that will happen on the other side of death that are really great. I will be raised, and I will go before you as a shepherd in Galilee, he says in Mark's Gospel. In fact, even while Jesus is dying, the writer of Hebrews alerts us to this. Imagine standing at the foot of the cross and you observe Jesus dying, and you notice that, as it were, he's staring at something.

Off in the distance. And so you turn to see what it is that he's looking at while he's dying. And the writer of Hebrews tells you in Hebrews 12:2, that what he's staring at while he's dying, is he's staring at the joy that is set before him. Jesus knew that his death would not be the end.

There was a joy on the other side of death that was set before Jesus, a joy that was so amazing, and so great. that the writer of Hebrews says that Jesus despised the shame. He despised the cross, and what that means is he counted it as nothing in comparison to the greatness of the joy that he would experience on the other side of this crucifixion, and this dying. And so we learn at the foot of the cross that well what he's staring at there, I want to stare at that and, and, what God is calling me to forgive those that have wronged me, and I know that's going to involve death, and that's going to involve crucifixion.

It's gonna involve suffering. But that's not the end of the story. I can say to people, what, I'm going to suffer many things, and I'm going to die. And then after that, I'm going to experience life.

And joy that is set before me. Death, the death I experience in forgiving another person will not be the end of the narrative. It will not be the end of the story. It's understandable why death is a fearsome thing, but Jesus says, Whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel shall save it.

Sometimes we read that and say, oh, so I'm just going to totally give my life over to some radical thing for Christ, and that's great, but what, you have a chance to do something really amazing and really radical probably every day. You have an opportunity to lose your life every day by way of forgiving those. that have wronged you today and those that wronged you 20 years ago. Those that will wrong you tomorrow, you can lose your life.

And in the process on the other side of that dying experience layers of life, that Only are discovered by those who are willing to die. In John 12:24, Jesus says, truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains by itself alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit. So even in the world of nature, a seed is planted in the ground. That seed dies, and is that the end of the narrative?

No, it begins to sprout, take root and grow into a mighty thing and bear fruit that brings nourishment to many. In fact, most of the narrative of a seed's life, as it were, is what happens on the other side of the dying of that seed. And so when we step into forgiveness, though it involves crucifixion and suffering and death, we know that I am but a seed going into the ground, and yes, I will die and this death will hurt. But there is community and there is fruitfulness and there is life and growth that lies ahead for me on the other side of dying.

You guys get how that works in God's economy? we all love Philippians 3:10, do we not? we hear Paul say, that I may know him, and we're like, amen, Paul. We're with you.

and then we hear him say that I may know the power of His resurrection, and we're like, Amen, Paul, we feel the same way. And then we hear him say that I may know the fellowship of his suffering. And we're like, You go, Paul. As we motion for him to go on ahead of us.

Without us, and then off in the distance we hear him say, That I may be Made conformable to the image of his death, and suddenly we realize the massive distance between us and this lunatic apostle. And we also begin to realize That real resurrection life is only experienced. By those who are foolish enough to die. And all those layers of life, resurrection life are available to us.

And we cheat ourselves of the experience of that life, because we don't want to die the death. of forgiveness. In a lot of conflict situations, one of the things that I've noticed not only in my life, but in counseling is that people will, they'll do things that seem on the surface to make for peace, but they're really, they're doing everything they can short of actually dying. And they're really not wanting peace.

They're just wanting more the moral high ground. They just want the evidence to show that I tried a little bit harder than that other person. And I think in a lot of conflict situations what God is saying as he looks at people in conflict is I just need one person. I just need one person who's willing to step forward and gets himself or herself crucified.

I need one person to die here. That's what God said. In the conflict between him and the human race. I just need one person to die, and Christ stepped forward and said, I'll die.

And we, many of us in this room have come to faith and our lives are being transformed and we've been reconciled to God because Christ was willing to let himself be crucified. The crucifixion of forgiveness. But we like to busy ourselves doing this and this and this that seem to make for peace, and we'll do everything but die and consequently, peace. Eludes us.

for those of us on those occasions when we say, all right, for the joy set before me, I'm going to step into this death of crucifixion. I'm going to get myself crucified and experience the suffering, knowing God that I will experience layers of life and power and intimacy with you that lie on the other side of these layers of dying. When we do that, we experience firsthand. The fact that death is not the end.

But it is but the beginning. Let me close with this. Nancy Lee Demas in her book on Forgiveness talks about a woman who A married woman whose husband confessed to her. After years of marriage, an adulterous affair, unfortunately he confessed his adultery to her and the affair to her long before he was interested in actually breaking it off.

And so for 13 months he displayed no brokenness, and she would find herself being hurt again and again by things that he would say or things that she would discover that her husband was involved in. But she kept forgiving, experiencing the death of, of forgiveness. Even though her husband displayed no brokenness, and you might look at such a woman and say, poor woman, I imagine living in that marriage and experiencing that pain that's so raw, and that gets reopened all the time.

And what, we should give that woman tremendous sympathy, and she would appreciate that, but she would also say, don't get too crazy feeling sorry for me because I'm tasting something that's really amazing.

Listen to what She says, Describing this 13 month time period. She says, something amazing happened in my life as I continue to forgive my husband. God gave me such freedom and joy in the midst of the pain I was experiencing. Somehow, God let me see the whole experience, not as something to despise.

But as a gift to embrace. There's no way humanly speaking to explain it. God truly allowed me to rejoice in my suffering and to see it as an opportunity to suffer in a very small way as he had when he was rejected. That's a woman living at the foot of the cross.

And listen to what she goes on to say by way of counsel to all of us. When we choose to forgive, this is not written by a seminary professor or someone sitting in an ivory tower. This is coming from the heart of this woman who has known tremendous pain and has learned to forgive. She says, When we choose to forgive others, even when they are not broken themselves, God pours out freedom.

grace, peace, joy, love, and even forgiveness itself into our hearts. It takes your breath away when you experience it yourself. It takes you to the depths with God that you never could have reached, except through this mysterious path. This is a woman who's tasting deeply of life.

On the other side. of the dying of forgiveness. There is grace. There's peace.

There's joy. There's love. that God wants you to enter into. But for some of you, the obstacle between you and the experience of that.

is an unwillingness to forgive. My prayer is that today will not be a day. of grievance, but a day. of grace, that tomorrow will be a day of grace and not a day of grievance, that your life ahead will not be a life of grievance.

But a life of grace. Let me ask you to bow your heads. I know some of you are struggling mightily in this area. Just let us know that on the information slip and put that in the offering bag as it goes by this morning so that we can lift you up and be praying for you.

Let's pray together. Father, your grace is amazing. It is deep, it is textured, and it provides insight and wisdom for us and knowing how to deal with the brokenness that we find ourselves surrounded by and on the receiving end of, and I just pray for not only myself but the people in this church body, Lord, who Understandably struggle. In giving forgiveness I pray that you would help us all to make use, rich use of the available means that we are given in the gospel.

That we would be willing to come to the foot of the cross and say, Lord, take me there, take me from the 1st floor of anger and bitterness to the 2nd floor of grace and forgiveness. Because I want, I want to experience the life, the peace and the joy. That comes on the other side of such dyings. May we become so driven, Lord, by a holy greed.

For this type of dying that that we would embrace such moments rather than begrudge them. And that our attitude would almost be just clutching to these opportunities and saying in our hearts, I will let no one take this death from me. And may we truly be able to go with Paul the full distance in Philippians 3:10. Saying I want to know you.

I want to know the power of your resurrection. I want to know the fellowship of your suffering. I want to be made conformable to your death, because of all that lies beyond that, for the joy set before me. Lord, we thank you for this opportunity to give of our offerings to you also.

We ask that you would receive these funds and do much with them for the glory of Jesus and the spread of the amazing gospel that is making such a difference in our lives. And we give ourselves to you in His name. And all God's people said, Amen.