Letting the Big Love Story Shape Your Littler Love Story

Well, let me have you, turn in your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5, Ephesians chapter 5 for our time of study in God's word this morning, we're coming back to our series on marriage, and if you want to give a title to the message this morning, it would be letting the Big Love Story shape Your little love story. Letting the big love story shape your little love story. During the week of mine and Donna's 25 year wedding anniversary 3 years ago, I found myself thinking a lot about our marriage and the state of our marriage.

I also got to thinking about many of you and your marriages in the church and how many of you have spoken in our marriage at various critical points and you've also Served as examples that have inspired.

Us in our marriage. I ended up that week writing a poem. of sorts to you. Giving an honest assessment of the state of mine and Donna's marriage, and on the morning of our 25th wedding anniversary, I gave this poem to Donna and this morning, I would like to share it with you.

And it's called the silver anniversary, a message to friends, and that's you. It goes like this, the little covenantal union my wife and I have been building is 25 years old today. A cathedral on its way to something great, it is not, we confess, what it could have been. Doesn't boast as much silver as we had hoped.

The presence of so much bronze leaves us tearful. There's so much work still to do and undo. The front entrance door still swings oddly on its hinges. We thought it was fixed, but it is not.

The stained glass windows seem cloudy no matter how often we wash them. We've been so foolish using the wrong tools, forcing pegs where there were no holes. The sheen on our spires could have been so much brighter if we had used the gold we were given. Nevertheless, today I feel happy and grateful.

I revel in the fact that this edifice is here, that it still stands. And protects It is the safest place on earth in which I can know and be known. I still hide, but less than before. I rejoice that my partner still stands beside me with tools still in hand and hope in her heart.

There's silver in that heart of hers. And awaking vision of things to come. We know what we both shall be, and that is making a difference. We've unlearned much and with unlearning comes the know-how to build this thing right after all.

We are thankful for the humbling and for the wisdom found in low places. If the wisdom needed were complicated, then we could justify the years taken to find it. But it really is foolishly simple. Lose to win.

Give to receive, die to live, and stare together at the big covenantal union of history's greatest lover and his bride to be. That is the ultimate monument of grace to which our spires haphazardly point. Whose glory pushes gently through our cloudy glass. Today we promise afresh that we will spend more time staring.

Become better losers, die with less fight, and embrace the life and love that lie beyond the dying. And if perchance you see any such good in us, Know that it is sheer grace, ridiculous grace, birthed in blood spilled from precious flesh. Such slivers of light, we see them in you too. Are the early rays of a breaking dawn in which trumpets will sound and the great groom comes for his adoring bride.

We wait for him together. This poem Served a number of purposes for me on that day of our 25th wedding anniversary. It serves now as my thank you. To you all because much of the good that is in mine and Donna's marriage is a product of this community.

It takes a community to make a marriage, and we have experienced that. But I also share this poem with you this morning to illustrate the fact that mine and Donna's marriage is not some isolated entity that is all about us. Our marriage is literally simply a mini drama that plays a small part in the larger drama. Of the love relationship between Jesus Christ and His church.

Donna and I have much to learn still, but so far we've learned that one of the secrets to a growing marriage is staring at the big love story. Until every part of our own little love story is marked by what we're staring at. That big love story, as you guys know, is the gospel. And if nothing else about marriage, please know that marriage is all about the gospel.

We know from scripture that when God created the institution of marriage, He was staring at the big love story, the gospel, and he patterned marriage after what he was looking at on that occasion. Therefore, if you want to have a good marriage that truly lives up to God's original intentions, then you too must be staring. At the gospel and letting the gospel shape the way that you behave, the way that you live, and the way that you love inside the context of your marriage relationship.

And I know this is true because of what Paul says in Ephesians chapter 5, where Paul literally quotes from Genesis 2:24, and he says this in Ephesians 5:31, he says, for this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, and we hear that and say, yes, he's talking about our marriages, but Paul then says, This mystery is great.

But I am speaking with reference to Christ. And the church. That's what marriage points to. Apparently, our marriages are really about the larger romance between Christ and the church.

This is why in Ephesians 5, Paul tells wives to think of the church's relationship to Jesus and let that shape the way they relate to their husbands. And that's why Paul tells husbands to look at how Christ relates to the church and let that shape the way that they, husbands, relate to their wives. In fact, let's put it another way. if you want to reduce, this really helps me.

If you want to reduce your calling in marriage down to one word, it's the word evangelism. And when I use the word evangelism in the context of marriage, here's what. imparting the gospel to your spouse through the words you speak. And through the person you are.

Toward them with the aim that they might know and believe the gospel more fully, and with the aim that your marriage might become a shining beacon of the grace and the truth and the power of the big love story. Of the gospel In 1 Thessalonians 1:5, Paul reflects back on his time with the Thessalonian Christians, and he reminds them of how the gospel came to them and listen to what he says. He says, our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction, just as what men we proved to be among you.

For your sake.

Paul preached the gospel to the Thessalonians with words. But he basically says to them, here, our gospel did not come to you only in the words we spoke, but it also came to you in the form of the men we were among you for your sake. Imagine men, husbands, being able to look back over the years of your marriage and being able to say to your wife, the gospel, honey, has not come to you. In the form of the words I spoke to you only, but it also came to you in the form of the man I was in relationship with you.

Imagine wives being able to say the same thing to your husband in the years. To come When I think about my calling as a husband to my wife, Donna, it helps me to think of my calling in this way. My number one and my fundamental duty. Toward my wife is literally to be the premier evangelist in her life.

Seeking to impart the gospel to her through the words that I speak, and also seeking to be a living embodiment of the grace and the truth and the mercy of the gospel toward her. That's my number one calling toward my wife. Some spouses think that their number one calling is to be their spouse's critic. And corrector But it's my belief that you're not really qualified to be your spouse's critic and corrector until you have first mastered the art of being the premier evangelist.

In their life And I would ask you husbands and wives this morning, when was the last time You sought to encourage your spouse by speaking gospel truth to them. I would also ask, as your spouse experiences you as a person, do they taste the gospel in you? Does the gospel come to your spouse? In the form of the person you are.

Toward them When I think of my role toward my wife in terms of evangelism, imparting the gospel to her, it makes me excited about my marriage because Paul promises in Romans 1:16 and elsewhere that the gospel is the power of God. And so if I want the power of God to be present richly in my marriage, then I will want the gospel to be at the center of our relationship, and I will want to relate to my wife in a way that is shaped by the gospel and that serves to impart the gospel to her through the words I speak and through the man.

That I am toward her. This is essentially when we get to Ephesians 5:22 and following, this is essentially what Paul is going to instruct me and all husbands and wives to do, but there is a reason, guys, that Paul waits until Ephesians 5 to give specific marital advice.

From the book of Ephesians alone, We can actually observe that there are two prerequisites that we must fulfill before we can actually even begin to look at Paul's specifically marital advice in Ephesians 5:22 and following. And it's these two prerequisites that I want to focus on today. I did not intend when I started out this week preparing for this morning on the sermon taking this shape that it's taking, but With a burdened heart, and I think, being sensitive to the flow of thought in the book of Ephesians, I really want to put this before all of us, two prerequisites to being able to be, to effectively evangelize your spouse.

And the first of these is comprehend.

And believe and be ever mindful of the gospel. You gotta do this. Comprehend, believe, and be ever mindful of the gospel. Don't let anybody fool you.

A spouse who understands the gospel and who believes it with all of their heart is a very different spouse than the spouse who does not understand or believe the gospel. Just ask those brothers and sisters in our church who are married to nonbelievers. And just ask my wife. There are moments when I am not mindful of the gospel like I should be.

There are moments when I'm not believing the gospel like I should be believing it. And in those moments, I am a very different version of myself than when I am being mindful of the gospel and believing in the truth of the gospel. When I'm not being mindful of the gospel and believing it, I am petty. I am, man, I am such a petty man.

I'm easily offended. I am thin skinned and defensive. I hold grudges, I pout, I am discontent, I run away from problems rather than facing them. I am proud.

I am unforgiving, I am selfish, sinful, anxious, and life is all about. Me. But when I am being mindful of the gospel, And intoxicated with it. I am a forgiving man.

I'm humble, I'm grateful for the smallest blessings in life. I'm a loving person with a lot of grace and a lot of love to give. I have courage to repent with boldness. And face problems.

I'm unselfish and have peace, and life is not about me, but about Jesus Christ and serving him and showing his love to my wife and to others. There is a gospel version of me. And a non-gospel version of me. And I'll give you one guess as to which of those two versions my wife prefers.

the This is the reason, guys, that Paul spins all the way through essentially Ephesians 4:16, largely doing nothing. But reviewing gospel truth before he gets to the practical section of the letter and before he begins to give marital advice. Don't think that Paul starts giving marital advice essentially in Ephesians 5:22. He starts in Ephesians 1:2.

Speaking into our marriages, gospel truth. Paul wants husbands and wives to believe in Jesus Christ and to call upon his name for salvation and for those who do believe in Jesus, Paul wants them to know that they were elected in Christ before the foundation of the world. He wants them to know that they were predestined to adoption. As sons according to the kind intention of God's will.

He wants them to know that they have forgiveness of sins and redemption through the blood of Jesus that was shed on the cross. He wants husbands and wives and all of God's people to know that God has given to them the Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee. of their future glorification. Paul wants believing spouses to always remember what their life was like before Christ and to know that they have been saved by grace with the salvation that is so not of themselves.

But it is the gift of God so that they would be thereby humbled and be humble people rather than boastful. Paul also wants spouses to know how Jesus Christ has been made the head over all things to the church, and how that Jesus Christ has so loved the church that the church can literally now be called the fullness of God. of him who fills all in all. Evidently this is how Jesus loves the church, by making the church a repository of His fullness.

He takes all that he is and all that he has and he gives it. To the church Paul wants us to know that Jesus loved the church when she was far off and living actually in hostility against him. Jesus did not wait for the church to clean up her act, but he went to the very depths of death itself in order to tear down walls and to make the church whole and to reconcile the church to himself. Paul wants spouses to know that Jesus views the church.

As his own body. And loves the church accordingly. Paul wants us to know that Jesus is the ultimate hero who fought and who defeated his foes and gained absolute lordship at the right hand of God to do whatever he pleases, and with that lordship and headship over the church, Jesus now serves the church and lavishes her with practical gifts. So that the church would be amply supplied to grow and to flourish and attain to the measure of the stature that belongs to the fullness of Christ.

Paul wants us to know that Jesus cares about the proper working of every joint. And every body part in the body of his bride. In other words, before Paul gives a single command specifically to husbands, And wives on how to treat their spouse. Paul first wants to spend more than 3 chapters thrilling our hearts with a love story.

Of Christ and the church. A love story that is of such immense gravitas that it puts everything in our life, including our marriages into perspective. And so we can say that if you want to be the spouse that God wants you to be, If you want to be the evangelist in your spouse's life that God wants you to be, you must view the 1st 3.5 chapters of Ephesians as immensely relevant. To your marriage And you must believe in the gospel and be well versed in the gospel.

You must be ever mindful of the gospel. And you must be more caught up in this love story. Then you are even your own. This is why Paul prays for us that we would know the love of Christ.

Which surpasses knowledge in Ephesians 3:18. Paul does this because he doesn't want people to go into marriage looking for love. He wants us going into marriage, having already found the great love. That he speaks about in this letter, which is the love of God in Christ.

He wants us to go into marriage with hearts that are already ravished and smitten by Jesus and by his love, comprehending and believing in and being ever mindful of the gospel. Let's just think about this for a moment. Why, why is this important beyond what I've even already said? Let me give you a few reasons.

You see these on your notes. The first reason that we need to be comprehending, believing, and ever mindful of the gospel in our marriages is because the gospel teaches us that life is not about us. And we need to know that. We don't automatically know that when we wake up in the morning, do we?

A huge reason. That we must comprehend and believe the gospel is because it teaches us that life is not about us, but about someone and something greater. Even the gospel itself is not about us. We are recipients of the gospel, but we are not the ultimate end of the gospel.

The gospel is about the summing up or the gathering up of all things into Jesus. It's about God lavishing his grace on us with the goal that all that he has done would redound to the praise of the glory of His grace. This is why Paul begins Ephesians by worshiping God and blessing his name, and this is why he climaxes his gospel review. In chapter 3 with a doxology of praise saying now to him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, to Him be the glory.

In the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all ages forever and ever. Amen. Anyone whose heart is truly romanced by the gospel, will feel within them a powerful urge like Paul had to see God glorified in everything. Please note in the verse that I just read.

That the ultimate couple is mentioned. In this doxology of praise at the end of chapter 3. Jesus Christ and the church. He speaks of the church and Christ Jesus.

And Paul in this doxology is teaching us that God is glorified. In the church, and in Christ Jesus, and in the relationship that they share together forever. And the goal of their union is to radiate the very glory of God. This is what life is about.

This is what the gospel is about, and this is what your marriage is actually about. And if we really internalize this, And understand this. And we're truly a gospel believing husband and wife, we would not be small minded and petty persons. We would be caught up in the larger romance of what God is doing in the world.

Our life would be all about Jesus. We would be into Jesus and not into ourselves. Our life would be all about orbiting around God and reflecting His glory in the hopes that praise will redound to the praise of His glory and not our own. A husband who thinks this way.

Realizes that marriage is not about finding a woman who will orbit her life around him. He realizes that marriage is about finding a woman who's willing to join him in orbiting around God and doing all things to the praise of the glory of His grace. There's another reason that understanding and believing and being mindful of the gospel is so important, and that is because the gospel gives us a framework for forgiveness. How many of you need forgiveness?

Every spouse will sin and fall short. In their marriage And we've all sinned and fallen short in countless ways, including in our marriage. And these past failures sometimes can actually paralyze us. If it weren't for the gospel.

That assures us that Jesus died for those sins. He died for husband's sins and wife's sins. The gospel assures us that we have forgiveness in Christ for our failures and sins, who shed his blood for our forgiveness and to deliver us from sin's power. Guys, it is the certainty of God's forgiving love.

That gives us the courage to actually face our sins squarely, even in sight of our marriage and repent deeply and boldly and loudly. And then experience God's grace which melts our hearts into deeper layers of obedience and causes us to love God more than ever. Amen. Don't underestimate the power of the cross.

Whatever failures you have been guilty of in your marriage, you run there. And experience the atonement and the grace. That is there for you. And such experience of God's grace toward us provides us with the equipment that we now need to forgive our spouse of their failures and sins against us.

God has forgiven us of our sins against him, which are infinitely greater than any sin a spouse will ever commit against us. And if I truly realize the magnitude of my sins against God, And I realized that God has truly forgiven me of my sins against him and I am dazzled and amazed by that, then I am now having the equipment I need to freely forgive my spouse for her wrongs. Against me. We saw a few weeks ago that a good marriage, as someone once said, is the union of two good forgivers.

And only those who have experienced the forgiving grace of God through Christ have full equipment that they need to forgive deeply. And truly. And this is why Paul says in Ephesians 4, to all Christians, including husbands and wives, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. This is great marriage counseling right here, from Paul to you in your Marriage, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice and be kind to one another, tenderhearted and forgiving each other just as God and Christ also has forgiven you.

There's the gospel. God doesn't just come to you and command you to forgive. He forgives you. And then tells you the story.

Of how that forgiveness happened in Ephesians 12 and 3, and then he tells you to do for your spouse what he has done for you. And so here's my question for you. Do you realize that your life is really all about the praise of the glory of God's grace? If that is true, do you believe that God's grace toward you is praiseworthy?

Do you? Do you believe that God's grace toward you and forgiving you of your sins is truly praiseworthy? Praiseworthy enough to pass on to your spouse. If you're not passing God's grace on to your spouse.

Then that means you've lost your sense of place in the larger story. That is all about God's grace. It means that rather than living to the praise of the glory of His grace, you instead are living to the praise of the glory of your grievances. Gospel breathing Christians don't live to the praise.

Of the glory of their grievances, but to the praise of the glory of God's grace, and this is why Paul spends over 3 chapters reviewing gospel truth with us before he begins to dish out specifically marital advice. There's another reason why it's so important that we comprehend and believe and stay ever mindful of the gospel, and that is because the gospel teaches us what real love is. This is where we as Christians get our understanding of love, not from Nicholas Sparks in The Notebook.

Or Danielle Steele or whatever her name is or from what Hollywood produces.

We get our definitions of love and our ideas of love from this love story that we watch again and again and again. Think about it. The greatest thing that can make or break a marriage is the mental image of love that a husband and a wife come into their marriage with. And unfortunately, in the likes, in the case of many, their vision of love has been shaped.

By Hollywood movies. Romance novels, romanticized daydreams and raunchy magazines and movies. Such people have 1000 smarmy love songs on their iPhone. Loaded with sexual overtones and a gross misunderstanding of what love is really all about, and they go into marriage with the view of love shaped by all of these messages.

And they're set up for huge disappointment. But imagine a husband and a wife. Setting all of that aside and getting their ideas of love from the greatest love story of all time, the story of Christ and the church. Consider the story this way.

A perfect prince leaves his castle. In pursuit of a criminal. Maiden Who sits condemned in a filthy dungeon. The prince dies for the maiden's crimes, but then is raised to life with full authority to do with her as he pleases.

He comes to her in her cell and carries her to a far away place where he can love her as fully as he desires. He washes away her filth, he adorns her with beautiful clothing. And with jewels that are fit for a queen. And then he begins to woo and cherish her each day.

While she learns over time to submit and respond. To his enormous passion for her. Eventually his love so transforms her that people's mouths hang open at her growing, dazzling beauty. Then on the day of resurrection, she instantly becomes fully radiant and ravishing and is presented to her prince in a wedding ceremony attended by myriads.

Of people and angels. And from that point on, the prince and his bride live most happily ever after. And the story that I just told you, that's the gospel. That lies at the heart of our faith, and it's the story essentially.

In other language that Paul is regaling us with in Ephesians chapter 1 through chapter 4, verse 16. And Paul takes the time to point us to this story before he even thinks to give to husbands and wives a single instruction regarding how to specifically treat. Their spouse Paul knows apparently that a person will be a good spouse only to the degree that they are mesmerized by this larger romance. that their own marriage is supposed to reflect and point to.

And so if you as a spouse want to properly evangelize your spouse, then you must be a student of this story. And believe it. And let your heart be romanced by it and let it shape every aspect of your life and all the ways that you go about behaving inside of your marriage. Does this make sense?

There's a 2nd thing you must do. Which is very much tied to the first thing, and that leads us to the next prerequisite to being a truly good evangelist. To your spouse, and that is be continuously being filled by the Spirit. be continuously being filled by the Spirit.

It's not enough really for us to simply know and even believe in the gospel and be mindful of it. We must also be letting the Spirit of God actually fill us on the inside with the love of God and the blessings of the gospel. We need to let them in. Until we're full.

God's passion for us, as you read Ephesians, is obviously that we experience fullness in Christ. This is the greatest good of the gospel that we personally experience, and that is the fullness of God. Listen to Paul's language in Ephesians 3. He says, for this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, that he would grant you according to the riches of his glory that you being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge.

what he's saying there? Good luck trying to fully comprehend. The love of Christ. You're never going to reach the outer limits of it.

And then he says that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. That is the will of God for you. In black and white right there. God wants you to comprehend his love as revealed in the gospel, so that you would be filled up to all the fullness of God, the will of God for His people is that they be nothing short of filled with his fullness.

In fact, God so desires this for you and for me that he actually gives us a command to be full in Ephesians 5:18. Paul literally gives us this command, be continuously being filled by the Spirit, literally is what he says. Implied in that promise is that God has enough. To fill you and me completely to the point of overflowing.

If we partake of all that God gives us, it will. It is enough to keep us perpetually filled. To the point of overflowing. God in giving this command is saying, trust me, I provided you way more than enough that can keep you filled up and overflowing all the time.

It's just a matter of you letting it in. So be filled, he says. Let yourself be continuously filled by the spirit and the picture here. quite literally, is that just imagine the Spirit of God holding the pitcher.

of gospel blessings which represent the fullness of God in Christ in the gospel, and the Spirit is seeking to pour those blessings into us. To fill us up And Paul is commanding us to allow the Spirit to do this. To succeed in filling us up with the very fullness of God in the gospel. As Christians, we should do more than simply sip.

God's blessings in the gospel. We should be filled with them and fully hydrated with all the good that God makes available to us in Christ. Feasting sumptuously on what God has given to us in Jesus. God sent His Holy Spirit into our lives to indwell us and to fill us with his fullness, and Paul is commanding us to let the Spirit succeed in that.

It's interesting to note that there's, after the command be filled. That's literally the last imperative that we see in the Greek text before Paul gets to giving direction to wives and to husbands. And what's interesting is that tied to that verb be filled is a string of what we call participles. that are subordinate to and amplify.

That command to be filled. These are activities that Paul identifies that flow from our experience of fullness that is engendered within us by the Holy Spirit of God. In other words, if we are experiencing fullness by means of the Holy Spirit in obedience to this command in Ephesians 5:18, then here are the things that will flow from us as a result. We will be speaking.

We will be singing, we will be making melody. Verse 20 we will be giving thanks. And verse 21, we will be being subject to one another. And then literally, what's interesting is when Paul comes into verse 22, he doesn't even state the participle being subject again.

He simply says, wives to your own husbands. So get the grammar here. Be filled continuously by the spirit. And flowing out of that, be speaking, singing, making melody, giving thanks, being subject to one another, wives.

To your husbands. And Paul then begins. To address the subject of the behavior of wives and husbands in the context of their marriage. Paul says be filled by the spirit and then he cuts a straight path from there to your marriage.

Letting us know that the institution of marriage is a key venue in which we manifest the fullness of God that we experience in the gospel through the power of the Holy Spirit. Evidently, Paul does not want men and women going into marriage in search of fullness. But having already found our fullness. In Jesus.

I'm gonna say that again. Paul does not want men and women going into marriage in search of fullness. But having already found their fullness. In Jesus You may be here this morning saying, Pastor Milton, I thought you were gonna tell me how to be a good husband.

And wife. So far all you're doing is telling me to believe the gospel and let myself be filled by the spirit. What does that have to do with my marriage? better than that, right?

this has everything to do. With marriage Let me give you two quick reasons why you must be continuously being filled by the Spirit of God with the blessings of the gospel in Christ. And one reason is In order to have the wherewithal. To be able to love your spouse and have something to give to your spouse.

You can only give to your spouse what you are receiving from God. And so if you're not letting yourself be filled by the Spirit with the blessings of the gospel, then you will have little, if anything, to actually give to your spouse. Your only agenda at that point is to receive, right? And to take Secondly, you must be receiving the fullness of Christ through the Holy Spirit, being filled by the Spirit.

In order to free up your spouse to simply be your spouse. And not your fullness provider. And we all know this is true. If a spouse does not seek their fullness in Christ, they will either look to other things outside of their marriage as a In order to fill the void and experience fullness, or they may turn.

Toward their spouse and press their spouse into service. As a substitute savior and fullness provider. Either way, the marriage loses. And I've seen it lose even with the latter choice.

The worst thing a husband can do to his wife is to expect to find in her what only God can provide him. If he puts his wife on such a pedestal and forces her to bear the burden of being his fullness provider, the husband will suffocate her. With his expectations. And will ultimately crush her.

With his angry disappointment when she fails to provide him the fullness. That he longs for It's my belief that given the chance, The spouse you're married to can become a pretty good spouse. But they will never be an all sufficient, soul satisfying, fullness providing savior. And so finding fullness in Christ is one of the greatest services that we can actually render to our spouse.

It supplies us with the fountain from which we can draw as we love our spouse and it also rescues our spouse from the burden of having to be our fullness provider. And it saves our spouse from the fury of our wrath. When they fail to live up. To our God-sized expectations that we're imposing on them.

There's a very helpful passage along these lines in Timothy Keller's book, Counterfeit Gods. If you haven't read that book, I would highly commend it to you. He talks about the Old Testament story of Jacob. Wanting to marry Rachel so badly that, he was willing to work for 7 years in order to get here, to get her.

That idea has been intriguing me lately for some reason. But imagine that, willing to work for 7 years in order to get Laban's daughter, Rachel. So Jacob makes the deal with Laban. And he promises to work for 7 years.

whom the text says in Genesis 29 was beautiful of form and of face. That's in Genesis 29:17. The problem was that Laban had another daughter who was less attractive. Her name was Leah, and she was not so beautiful.

Laban would have preferred for Jacob to be interested in Leah, the older sister. But Jacob wasn't, but Laban agrees to give Rachel to Jacob if Jacob would work for him for 7 years. So Jacob does that and he fulfills his allotted 7 years and then he goes to Laban and he says one of the most stunning things that you'll ever find said anywhere in scripture. We find what he says in Genesis 29:21, and dads, imagine a young man talking to you in this way.

Jacob says literally to Laban, give me my wife, for my time is completed, that I may go into her. That's astounding language to use when speaking to your future father-in-law. Timothy Keller says in his book Counterfeit Gods, he says the Hebrew expression is unusually bald, graphic, and sexual for ordinarily reticent ancient discourse. Imagine saying to a father, even today, I can't wait to have sex with your daughter.

Give her to me now. Keller, that's basically what Jacob says to Laban and Keller says the narrator of Genesis is showing us a man overwhelmed with emotional and sexual longing for the woman. Keller then asked the question, why? And then he offers this answer, Jacob's life was empty.

He never had his father's love. His father Isaac favored Esau according to Genesis 25:28. He loved Esau. With the love he did not have for Jacob.

Jacob had lost his beloved mother's love, Keller says, through his deception and theft of Esau's birthright, which forced him to flee his house. And Jacob certainly had no sense of God's love and care, which is why he was prone to deceive. To get what he wanted. But then Jacob beheld the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and he must have said to himself, if I had her, finally something would be right in my miserable life.

If I had her, it would fix things. And all the longings of his heart for meaning and affirmation were fixed on Rachel. Well, we know how the story goes, right? Laban tricks Jacob on his wedding day and instead of giving him his daughter Rachel, he gives him his less attractive daughter, Leah.

Leah was veiled for the wedding, so Jacob did not know that he had been fooled. So Jacob unwittingly goes to bed with Leah that night and when the sun rises the next morning after the wedding, Jacob sees Leah without her veil, and he realizes that he had married the wrong woman. And as we can imagine, his disappointment and anger, just one day into his marriage was unspeakable. But Jacob's moment of marital disappointment, realizing I married the wrong woman is instructive for all of us, isn't it?

If we're really honest, Most of us who've been married for any length of time will have to confess there have been moments where we thought, I married the wrong woman. I married the wrong man. Timothy Keller says, we learned that through all of life there runs a ground note of cosmic disappointment, and you are never going to lead a wise life until you understand that. Jacob said, if I can just get Rachel, everything will be OK, and he goes to bed with the one he thinks is Rachel and literally the Hebrew says, in the morning, behold, It was Lea One commentator, Keller says, noted about this verse, this is a miniature of our disillusionment experience from Eden onward.

What does that mean? With all due respect to Leah, it means that no matter what we put our hopes in, in the morning, it is always Leah. Never, Rachel. And Keller then gives this word of counsel to men going into marriage, but this applies very much.

To women as well. He says, if you get married, putting the weight of your deepest hopes and longings on the person you are marrying, you are going to crush her with your expectations. It will then distort your life and your spouse's life in 100 ways. No person, not even the best one, can give your soul all that it needs.

You are going to think you have gone to bed with Rachel, and you will get up and it will always be Leahh. This cosmic disappointment and disillusionment is there in all of life. But we especially feel it in the things upon which we most set. Our hopes what the cure is?

what the cure is for this? The cure is to come to Jesus with your bankruptcy and your longings and experience salvation through him. The solution is to Believe and be ever mindful of the gospel. The solution is to daily find your fullness in Christ.

The cure is to let the Spirit of God continuously be filling you up with God's love. In the context of the gospel, so that you now have the wherewithal to love your spouse out of the overflow of that fullness and so that you won't ever need to force your spouse into the role of being your savior and your fullness provider. So many people in our culture today and even in the church, they're getting married, not looking for a spouse. They say they're looking for a spouse, they're not looking for a spouse, they're looking for a savior.

Just listen to the love songs that are being sung. Even with the religious overtones even, and how they speak about love and how crushed they are when love falls apart. They're not looking for a spouse, they're looking for salvation. And you render your spouse a wonderful service when you find your salvation in Jesus, and you find your fullness in Him, and then you bring that fullness into your marriage.

You don't come into your marriage looking for fullness, but you bring fullness into your marriage. And now why Paul spends so much time. In this letter Showing husbands and wives and all Christians about the fullness of God that is made available for them in the gospel. Now why Paul feels it necessary to give this final command before he starts giving specifically marital advice and that final command is an insistent be continuously filled.

By the Spirit On your wedding day, if the apostle Paul were around and you're about to step into the institution of marriage, Paul would say, I got, I got something that I've got to tell you and you must do this before you step in here, and that is be continuously being filled by the Spirit, you must do this. And the husbands and wives, he would say the same, no matter how deeply you are inside of your marriage. Be filled by the Spirit, not by wine, not by your spouse, not by your marriage, but by the spirit.

If Paul can succeed in getting husbands and wives to obey this one command, He knows.

That those husbands and wives will come already singing and making melody and giving thanks. And they'll bring that into their marriage rather than looking to their marriage to provide them with the song and the melody that their heart. And soul needs. It is once a husband and wife comprehend and believe the gospel and let themselves be continuously filled up by the spirit of God with the blessings of the gospel that they're now positioned to give heed to the commands.

That Paul will provide them in Ephesians 5:22 and following and we'll get to those next week. But just in closing, let me make this real simple. The greatest gift that you can give to your marriage and to your spouse is to believe in, to comprehend, and to be ever mindful of the great love story, the big love story, and how you are actually in that love story. And for you to be committed to being continuously filled by the Spirit of God.

These things are also the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. If you don't do these two things that we've looked at this morning, nothing is going to work in your marriage. But do these things. I promise you, you'll have to put on your running shoes to keep up with what God will do.

In your heart and in your marriage, and I believe it's what some of our marriages need right now. And God stands ready to provide that. As God does exceeding abundantly beyond all that you ask or think. Inside of your marriage.

I say this because most marital problems. are not fundamentally marital problems. They're gospel dysfunctions. That manifest themselves in marriage.

But the marriage is simply the revealer. Of those dysfunctions, not the cause. Tend to these core issues that we're talking about today. Comprehend, believe in, be ever mindful of the gospel, preaching it to yourself each day, living in the good of it each day, letting the spirit succeed and continuously filling you up to the very fullness of God, feasting sumptuously on Jesus and all of his provision in the gospel.

And you will have much to give. And you'll see God do a work in your heart and in your marriage, I believe. There's more questions for us to ponder beyond this. I've provided some diagnostic questions for you to ponder in connection with this, and these questions are, will be provided for your care group discussions later today.

I, I encourage you to attend your care group today, this afternoon or evening, and process these matters together with your brothers and sisters in Christ. And by the way, for the discussion leaders, there are discussion questions with those questions. here on the front pew, right where I'm pointing. So come get those before you leave this morning.

Let's pray together If you're here this morning, you're like, Pastor Mountain, I really wish I could talk to you right now because I don't think you understand what's going on in our marriage. I don't think you understand what my spouse is doing. I'd really like to talk about the problems that I'm having with her or with him. I don't, I don't want to diminish those or how hurtful those can be.

All I'm suggesting today is can we just set that aside for the moment. And can I talk to you? About you. Comprehending.

And believing and being ever mindful of the gospel story. Can I talk to you about you being committed to being filled by the Spirit all the time? And I just ask you, are you doing that? Are you doing that?

Will you make that a priority this week? And allow God to help you to turn a corner in your life to where your eyes are off of your spouse and You're just saying, God do a delicious work in me. And romance my heart with this greater love story that is so much bigger than me and my marriage. Help me to get caught up in this larger thing that you're doing throughout history and Help my heart to be smitten by Jesus Christ in my life to be all about him.

Lord, deliver me from my pettiness. My small-mindedness. And God, you've done all you've done in the gospel so that I may be full. And you've actually sent your spirit to mediate that fullness and to pour it into me and Lord, I just fundamentally I wanna be full.

I wanna be full. Let me, Lord, make these my two goals. To comprehend Believe, be mindful of the gospel, and to be filled by the Spirit. I, I beg of you to commit yourself to that today.

And we've got more to learn and more things to cover, to speak to you and to your spouse, but husbands and wives, please make these your priorities. Or you'll never have footing for anything else in your marriage. Lord, we thank you for your word. We thank you for the book of Ephesians and The way that Paul structures the book and there, there are so many things that were so important to him.

That That he covered together with us. There's a reason the Council of Ephesians 5:22 and following doesn't show up in chapter one. It's because he knows we're not ready to hear that. Until we've heard.

The things that he speaks about in the early chapters. Lord, help us to even this week to get into these chapters and to let you speak to us and regale us with this amazing story. To be dazzled by your grace, to be filled with your fullness. So that the big love story.

could begin to shape our little love story. May you pour out your spirit upon every brother and sister in this church. May you pour out your spirit upon the marriages here, that you would bring healing and bring hope. Where that is needed.

And help our marriages to be beacons. Beacons of hope to a dysfunctional world who doesn't even, many who don't even believe love really exists anymore. Make our marriages bright beacons that put on display the hope and the power and the glory and the grace and the mercy of the gospel. Lord, we thank you for the opportunity to give of our offerings to you, receive these funds, do much with every penny that is given.

In this offering, thank you for the faithfulness of your people and giving to the ministry here and around the world. Bless them as they give. Bless us all, Lord, as we give of ourselves, what we have, and as we dedicate ourselves to you. And to your global cause.

We ask all of these things in the name of Jesus, and all God's people said,