The Wife Who Wins, Part 2

Well, let me have you turn in your Bibles this morning to 1 Peter chapter 3. I'm gonna need the clicker, by the way. First Peter. Chapter 3, we're going to Pick up where we left off two weeks ago in our marriage series and our message to the, the wives.

Thank you. And if you want to give a title to the message, it would be The Wife Who Wins Part Two. this is the 2nd installment in a two-part message to, wives. My wife asked me this week, why are you doing a two-part sermon to the wives?

what I told her I said, cause you were in the nursery two weeks ago when I did part one. I thought that was pretty funny, but she didn't, but, actually, the, this was not intentional, but, what makes this more poignant is, this is my youngest daughter's last Sunday with us here at Cornerstone. She is getting married on Saturday, this coming week, and we'll be moving to Tucson, Arizona immediately, after that. So this is my last opportunity from the pulpit.

To get her ready for marriage. So this will be about 4 hours long. No, it'll be shorter than that, but But it makes this all the more meaningful for me. The Wife Who Wins Part Two.

I, I don't know if you guys have seen it, but lately, there's been a GEICO commercial on television that features Tarzan and Jane. How many of you have seen that? Tarzan is carrying Jane on his arm as he swings from a vine, and they both land on the branch of a tree as they are making their way somewhere. but Jane, upon landing on the branch of that tree is not happy.

She thinks they're lost and going in the wrong direction. She looks back in the direction from which they just came. And she says, I think we should have taken a left at the river. Tarzan defends himself and says, Tarzan know where Tarzan go.

Jane mocks him and says Tarzan does not know where Tarzan go. Jane then turns to a monkey nearby and ask him for directions. The monkey just stares at her, shaking his head with a look that says, do not put me in the middle of this. Tarzan is offended that she's asking a monkey for directions rather than just trusting him.

So he gets Jane's attention and says, no, me Tarzan, king of jungle. Jane says, why don't you just wanna ask somebody? You then see Tarzan and Jane fussing with each other while the commercial narrator states the obvious point of the commercial. He says, if you are a couple, You fight over directions.

It's what you do. Well, Tarzan seems to recognize that he made a wrong turn, so he grabs Jane and swings on the vine back in the direction from which they had just come, and he lets out his standard Tarzan yell as he does so, which irritates Jane. She says, you have to do that right in my ear. They swing out of sight, leaving us with the impression that the rest of their trip will be fraught with similar irritation and frustration.

And right at the end of the commercial, you notice a large serpent moving at the bottom of the screen. reminding us, probably unintentionally where all such marital disharmony originated. The commercial resonates with audiences because the same thing happens in our marriages, right? When you ladies fall in love with us guys, you usually are falling in love with someone you think is the king of the jungle.

Someone you trust, someone whose strong arms can carry you wherever you need to go, but it's not long. Before the gig is up and you realize that we're not everything that you thought we were, right? We've dropped you too many times, we've lost our way plenty of times and we've given you plenty of reasons to lose your trust in us as your husbands. And that makes it hard for you to follow the counsel of 1 Peter chapter 3, verses 1 through 6.

But actually, Peter's counsel in this passage is precisely for wives who find themselves married to less than ideal husbands. In verse one, Peter entertains the prospect that some of his readers were married to husbands who were disobedient to the gospel. In other words, they were total nonbelievers. Later he gives the example of Sarah, who was married to Abraham.

Abraham was a believer, but he was a man who lost his way sometimes. He went down to Egypt on one occasion when he probably should not have. He lied on two occasions, putting Sarah's sexual purity and her well-being in grave jeopardy. He engaged in sexual relations with Sarah's handmaiden in order to sire a child through her.

The record of Genesis shows that Abraham clearly was a believer in God. But he was also a deeply flawed man. Who created some thorny predicaments for Sarah as she sought to relate to him as his wife. So here's the encouragement for your wives.

If your husband is not Mr. Perfect, don't think that this passage does not apply to you. This passage is especially for the wife whose husband is less than perfect. Does that make sense?

This passage is for women who are married to husbands who sometimes lose their way or who have never even gotten on the right way in the first place. And Peter is showing you wives how you can behave inside of your marriage in such a way as to be a winsome influence for the gospel in the life of your flawed husband. And he wants to give you a winning strategy. And it's found in verses one through 6.

So let me just read this passage to you. Peter speaks to wives and in verse one, he says, in the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God.

For in this way, in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.

Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened. By any fear. This is the word of God and may God help us to understand. His word this morning.

The way we're breaking down this passage is essentially we're going to observe 6 instructions to help you. As a wife to be a winsome gospel influence in your flawed husband's life, and we've already seen the 1st 3 of these 6. Instruction number 1 that we can draw from this passage is purpose to be a winsome gospel influence. In your husband's life.

Notice the words so that in verse one. These are words that denote purpose. Peter wants you as a wife to be purpose driven in your marriage, and he wants you to have the purpose of being a winsome influence for the gospel in the life of your husband, whether he's a believer or not. Peter wants you to purposefully engage in behaviors that are useful to God.

In winning your husband to faith, if he's not a Christian. Or winning your husband to a deeper faith in the grace and the truth and the beauty of the gospel, if your husband is already a Christian. You achieve this purpose by following the second instruction that we can draw from these verses, and that is mirror the sacrificial gracious love of Christ toward your husband. Mirror the sacrificial gracious love of Christ toward your husband.

Notice that Peter begins verse 1 by saying in the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands, and then he continues from there. What is Peter pointing to when he says in the same way? Well, long story short, we saw two weeks ago that Peter is pointing back to what he has just said to slaves about following the gospel example of Jesus Christ. And Peter is basically saying here now, just as slaves are to relate to their masters in a way that reflects The gospel example of Jesus described in verses 21 to 25, even so you wives are to relate to your husbands in a way that reflects the sacrificial, gracious, loving example of Christ that I have just described for you.

In these previous verses. We talked about that two weeks ago. From what position does a woman exhibit this love, this gracious love of Jesus toward her husband in this way? This brings us to the 3rd instruction to help you as a wife to be a winsome influence for the gospel in your husband's life and that is submit yourself to your husband.

The word translated be submissive is the Greek word that literally means to place oneself underneath. In other words, Peter is instructing wives to arrange themselves underneath the authority of their husbands in the home. We talked two weeks ago about what submission does not mean. We talked about what it does mean.

We talked about how it is that submission is actually, though it's counterintuitive, it's the position of power for the wife. No one would have thought that submission was the position of power. But then again, no one would have dreamed that dying on a cross was the position of power from which Christ would change the world. We talked about this two weeks ago in some detail, but we'll move on.

There's something else that you as a wife will want to do if you want to be a powerful influence for the gospel in your husband's life. And this is where we'll pick up with the text this morning. Instruction number 4, be sexually devoted to your husband. be sexually devoted.

To your husband. In 1 Peter 3:1 and 2, Peter tells women that their husbands can be won by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste behavior. By definition, the word chase speaks of behavior that is pure and innocent. But notice the context in which the word occurs.

Peter says, be submissive so that your husbands might be one without a word as they observe. Your chaste behavior. Clearly whatever Peter means by his use of the word chaste, this word serves as an expression of a woman's submissiveness to her husband. Hence, we can say that Peter is using this word to speak of marital purity or wifely purity, which explains why the new American Standard translators chose to use the word chaste, denoting sexual purity.

In the marriage relationship. It may entail more than that, but at the very least entails sexual purity. So let's unpack the word along these lines. Whatever Peter thinks of when he thinks of wifely submission, he sees it as inclusive of a wife's sexual chastity.

So Peter is calling here upon wives to abstain from adultery, from lust, and from immorality in all of its forms, body, soul, and spirit. A woman who is chaste in this way does not flirt with other men. She does not engage in physical intimacy with men outside of her marriage. She does not read filthy literature or watch filthy movies, even if her husband wants her to.

And if she fails in any of these ways, she repents of her sins and seeks to walk in sexual purity. Now let's think about this. Why does a woman abstain from all forms of immoral sexual activities? Well, obviously, ultimately to please God, But from a horizontal point of view, she does so in order that she might give herself.

To her husband. With undivided and unpolluted sexual devotion. In Peter's mind, chastity involves more than merely abstaining from sexual immorality. It also includes the positive expression of a woman giving herself to her husband in physical intimacy.

Think about it ladies, if you abstained from all sorts of sexual immorality, and you also refuse to ever give yourself sexually to your husband, your chastity would hardly be an endearing influence for the gospel, right? So think of marital chastity here as a, as a two-sided coin. On one side, there is the wife's abstinence from all forms of sexual immorality, and on the other side, there is the wife's sexual giving of herself to her husband. This is why we're looking at the word chaste and drawing from it the instruction to be sexually devoted to your husband.

Now, here's a question for you ladies to ponder. Do you find it odd? That sexual devotion to your husband. has something to do with winning your husband.

To a deeper persuasion. Of the gospel. Does it surprise you that Peter actually goes here? Indicating that your physical relationship with your husband has something to do with the work of the gospel in your husband's life.

Well it shouldn't be too surprising. Think about what the gospel is. The gospel is the message that Christ took on human flesh and moved toward us, and that he ultimately surrendered his body over in death for our salvation. As Peter tells us in chapter 2, verse 24, he bore our sins in his body and he did so in trusting himself to God.

In this sense, the gospel is the story of something that Jesus did with his body. In order that we might be saved. It is the story of Christ surrendering his body over for our salvation, and he did that before any of us were deserving. So imagine that being true, a wife saying to her sisters, pray for my husband to believe the gospel.

A gospel which asserts that Christ surrendered himself bodily for the salvation of undeserving sinners. Pray that my husband will come to believe this one day soon. And then imagine asking that woman about her and her husband's physical relationship, and imagine her saying, My husband is not touching this body until he changes his ways. He's not getting this body.

Until he changes his ways. How can a woman who is withholding her body from her husband in this way Served to convince her husband of the truth of the gospel, which asserts that a savior gave himself bodily for the salvation of undeserving people. How can a woman who demands that her body be earned by her husband, earned by good behavior, expect her husband to be persuaded of a gospel message about a savior who gave his body for undeserving people? I, let me just put it out, out there.

In your marriage relationship, do you have a law-centered physical relationship? Where you behave in certain ways and there are blessings and cursings that follow, or do you have a grace centered gospel centered physical relationship? Imagine how powerful the testimony of a wife who can be. of a wife can be who is both testifying gospel truth with her words.

And also engaging in behaviors that align with those words. Just think about the power of that. I'm reminded of a man. who several years ago committed serious sexual sin that brought a lot of damage to his marriage and hurt to his wife.

After his sin was exposed, God did a sweet work of grace in this man's heart, and he began walking a road of, of repentance. However, the man's wife was so hurt by his sin that she had him move out of the house. To her credit, though, She came for counseling with her husband here at Cornerstone. Both she and her husband were committed to working on their relationship, even though some people had said that their situation was hopeless.

One day, the husband was over at their house where she was living. With his wife, and he was about to leave. To go to his sister's house to spend the night where he was spending the night at that time. But before he left, prompted by the Holy Spirit, his wife walked across the living room and kissed her husband on the lips.

For the first time after his sin had been exposed. The next morning, that man was sitting. In our Tuesday morning man forum meeting sharing with all of us guys that his wife had kissed him on the lips. Normally men.

Don't share at the man forum when their wife kisses them on the lips, but he did. And he shared it as a part of explaining the grace that God was showing to him through his wife. That kiss from his wife was an incarnation of God's grace toward him, expressed in a timely moment when that man needed that message of grace from God. Eventually this wife felt free enough to and comfortable enough to let her husband come home.

And sleep in another room. All the while, God was doing a good work in their marriage and bringing healing. Eventually she allowed her husband to sleep in the same bed with him but no intimacy. But one day she and her husband were praying together after there had been a setback.

Yet another failure. A setback in their relationship. And after praying, The wife looked at her husband and said, I want to give myself to you. This is what Jesus did for me.

And I want to give myself to you. The husband was stunned, he felt unworthy. He said, Are you sure? Are you sure we're ready?

You don't have to do this. But the wife insisted. And they were intimate for the first time. After his sin had been exposed.

Do you think that act of intimacy had anything to do with the gospel? It had everything to do with the gospel. It was a product of the work of the gospel in the heart of this woman. And it served as a powerful demonstration.

To this husband that God's grace toward him was real. And giving herself by grace to her husband, this woman was winning her husband ever more deeply into a persuasion of gospel truth. And she has a better husband today. For that reason And I share this story.

With you this morning, partly to encourage you. With the fact that these are the kinds of spiritual giants who walk among us here at Cornerstone, and I appreciate their permission to share this story with you. I also share this story with you because it It illustrates the fact that sometimes these things take time. This woman was not prepared to be intimate right away, but she was open to the work of God in her heart, and over time, God brought them together in his perfect timing.

I also share this story with you because it demonstrates how a simple kiss played a vital part in winning this husband over to a persuasion of the truth and beauty and reality of the gospel. In relearning to give herself to her husband. Again, this woman was a powerful influence for the gospel. In the life of her husband.

And the truth is that all Christian husbands and wives have the same opportunity to be this influence for the gospel through the medium of physical affection. This is why we prize chastity. This is why we abstain from sexual immorality both before and during marriage. This is why we repent when we fail.

So that we can give ourselves wholeheartedly to our spouse and thereby deepen our experience and their experience of God's grace together in our marriage relationship. There's something else that a wife will want to do if she wants to be an influence for the gospel in her husband's life, and this brings us to the 5th instruction that we can draw from this passage. As Peter shows wives how to be a winsome influence for the gospel in their husband's life, and that is be respectful toward your husband.

Be respectful toward your husband.

And 1 Peter 3:2, Peter says that they may be one, they, the husbands may be one without a word as they observe your chaste and your respectful behavior. Peter is literally, he's anticipating the fact that your behavior being respectful toward your husband can actually serve to be useful to God in winning your husband over to a persuasion of gospel truth. This is actually consistent with Paul's instruction to wives in Ephesians 5:33 when he says, let the wife see to it that she respects her husband.

That's Ephesians 5:33 and the word translated respect in that Ephesians passage is the same word that Peter is using here in chapter 3 verse 2.

So be respectful toward your husband. You say, well, what does that mean? What does it mean to engage in respectful behavior toward your husband? Well, it means several things, let's just list off some.

First, it means that when you speak to your husband, You should speak to him respectfully. And you're like, well, what does that look like? Well, just ask yourself, what does it mean to you to be spoken to respectfully? Then love your husband as you would want to be loved in that way.

It also means that when you speak to others, you should speak of or about your husband respectfully. Your husband needs to know that when he's not around and he comes up in a conversation with others that you are respectful in the way that you represent him and speak about him. Especially to your children. This means that when you're with your friends and they're all running down their husbands and having a bunch of good laughs.

You don't join them in that. That's cheap laughter. You don't join them in that even though that you could get a few laughs from them at your husband's expense. This does not mean that you never share anything negative about your husband with other people.

But that you do so only with those who are truly a part of the solution and who will ultimately work to bring you together as a husband and wife. Also, respecting your husband means thinking about him. In a respectful way. This is where the battles fought and won.

It's interesting to note that in verse 6, Peter refers to the fact that Sarah called Abraham Lord. And the amazing thing is that there's only one time in the Genesis account where Sarah ever calls Abraham Lord, and in that incident, Sarah was not even talking to Abraham. She was talking to herself. The story is found in Genesis 18.

Sarah was in her tent and she heard three men talking to Abraham outside the tent, and she heard them telling Abraham that they would return to him at this time next year and that God would give Abraham and Sarah a son, and Sarah hears them through the tent and the text says, Sarah laughed to herself saying, after I have become old, shall I have pleasure? My Lord, being old also. Sarah is just thinking and talking to herself. She doesn't even know that anyone hears her.

This is not even Sarah at her best and most godly moment. And she's thinking of her husband in a respectful manner. That's remarkable. Also, ladies, respecting your husband means voicing concerns.

And disagreements respectfully. Ladies, be careful how you come across to your husband. When you're disagreeing with your husband on something, don't, don't come across in a way that says, you're an idiot. Here's the right way to think about this.

How could you be so dumb as to not see it the way that I see it? When your husband comes to you with an idea or a plan, learn to ask questions before you give your opinion. Ask yourself, am I more interested in hearing? Or being heard.

Be quick to hear and slow to speak. Take an interest in what his thinking process is and try to find the good in his thinking before you give your opinion, which may involve disagreement or concerns. Also respecting your husband involves respecting what is good in him. Be a lover of the good that you see in your husband.

Don't get so caught up in what is wrong with him. That you can't see the good. Anymore. Intentionally take time to ponder those things about your husband that you admire, rather than rehearsing over and over again ways that he falls short.

Also respecting your husband means giving your husband a respectful reputation to live up to. Ladies, be willing to respect your husband a little bit more than what he actually deserves. And thereby give him something to live up to. This may render you vulnerable to disappointment, but it's worth the risk because generally men respond to respect.

Especially from their wives. If men have a reputation to live up to and they know someone views them in a certain way, They may be thinking to themselves, man, I, I'm not all that, but I wanna be. And they will strive to live up to that reputation. I would encourage you ladies not to underestimate how much your husband struggles every day to believe that he can be the man that God wants him to be.

Your husband will never come to you and say, honey, I've been feeling fragile lately. I've been feeling inadequate. Guys, they can't even pronounce those terms. They don't use them.

I'm amazed I was able to even articulate those two words. We're not, we're not born with the capacity to say those words. But we struggle with those things and don't underestimate how much your respect. For him can help him.

Solomon says in Proverbs 18:21, life and death are in the power of the tongue, and that is true of your tongue in your marriage and in the life of your husband. don't take me to say more than what I'm saying here. This is absolutely not true in every case. But I would say that sometimes, sometimes, write down that word, sometimes it is true that the husband that a woman has.

Is the husband that her words have created. And you can think of that negatively, you can think of it positively. Think ladies of the positive potential of your words. Use your words to plant man's seed.

Into your husband. Speak words that build him up and encourage the flourishing of godly manliness in him and give to your husband a respectful reputation to live up to every single day. One final way to respect your husband is to be respectful of the differences between Him and you. Your husband, even at his best, will not think like you, and he's not supposed to think exactly like you.

He won't process his feelings the way that you do. He won't see the world exactly like you do, and he's not supposed to. So quit waiting for your husband to become spiritually mature and start thinking exactly like you do. Respect the differences and how he thinks and how you think and respect how God intends to use those differences to actually complete you.

These are just some practical suggestions in terms of how to Demonstrate respect toward your husband. I'm sure there are many other ways, but let's move on. There's a 6th thing that you will want to do in order to be a winsome gospel influence in the life of your husband, and this brings us to the final instruction that we can draw from this passage, and that is number 6, be beautiful. Be beautiful for your husband.

In this passage, Peter says in verse 3, your adornment must not be verse 4, but let it, speaking of your adornment be, then verse 5, the holy women also used to adorn themselves. The word that is translated adornment and adorn in this passage is from the Greek word cosmos. Which is the word we get our English word cosmetic from. And given the word that is used here, adornment is what a woman relies on to make her beautiful.

Adornment is what a woman relies upon. To make her beautiful. And Peter gives this council regarding beautifying cosmetics, beautifying adornment, and he says in verse 3, your adornment must not be merely external braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses. Peter is not so much telling women not to put on dresses.

Or to style their hair, he's simply saying don't let yourself rely upon these external things to be what it is that makes you beautiful. That's his counsel. Instead, he says, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. Here God is saying through Peter to you wives, he's saying your desire to be beautiful is a good desire.

I gave you that desire, but here are the cosmetics to use, the cosmetics of a gentle and a quiet spirit. What do those words mean? Very quickly, a gentle spirit is a spirit that is amiable and friendly as opposed to one that is rough or bad tempered. The word actually implies, ladies, power.

Some describe this word as power under control and that's definitely a part of the idea. The word speaks of someone who knows that they possess power, who knows that they have the power to inflict hurt, but they restrain the exercise of their power so as not to hurt and instead to use that power to bless and do good. A quiet spirit is a spirit that is calm and peaceful as opposed to one that is restless, rebellious, disturbing, or hysterical. By the way, I know in a room this size that there are probably men hearing this saying, man, I'm so glad the sermons being preached to my wife, and they're thinking, yes, women do need to have a gentle and quiet spirit.

Preach it, Pastor Milton. But actually, every Christian man, every Christian is called to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Did that? In Matthew 5:5, Jesus says, blessed are the gentle, same word.

And in 1 Timothy 2:2, Paul speaks of all Christians living a quiet life and all godliness and dignity, and he uses the same word there, speaking of all Christians. Based on these and other passages, all Christians are to live their lives with gentleness and with quietness. I am to relate to my wife with a gentle and quiet spirit, just as she is to relate to me. Also, on behalf of wives, I, I wanna take a moment to challenge the men with something here.

A lot of men, in fact, every man you would ever talk to would say, yes, I, I want my wife to have a gentle And quiet spirit. But the problem is that oftentimes men don't listen to their wives when they're speaking in a gentle And a quiet spirit. And when men ignore their wives when they're being gentle and quiet, they set their wives up to at least be tempted To be something other than gentle and quiet just in order to get their husband's attention. Does that make any sense, ladies, do you agree?

Can I get an amen? I've, I've failed Donna countless ways, countless times in this very way. And so consequently, in our 28 years of marriage, I would have to say there's been a few times when my wife has said something to me in a way, let's just say that fell shy somewhere of my standard of gentleness and quietness. And by the way, I've got real high standards of how gentle and quiet everyone around me needs to be when they address me.

And And there have been times where I basically responded to her in such moments by saying, OK, OK, I, I hear you, but I don't know why you, this is the first I've heard about it. I don't know why you couldn't have said this more nicely. And she has said, I have said it nicely 5 times and you're not hearing me. And she's right.

Husbands, the way to make it easy. For your wife to obey this passage and to have a gentle and quiet spirit is to actually listen to her when she is being this way. That's no justification for a wife sinning and doing the opposite of what Peter says, but husbands, this is a way that you can help your wife by listening. To her.

Notice how Peter describes these cosmetics of a gentle and a quiet spirit. First of all, he says that they are imperishable. Physical beauty is perishable, you may not have noticed that, but it is. But these qualities of gentleness and a quiet spirit will never age or perish.

Ladies, you can actually become more and more beautiful. With these qualities through the passing years. These qualities are also described as precious in the sight of God. They're precious to God, they're beautiful to him.

God looks upon these qualities in a woman and he deems them to be beautiful and of great worth. Sometimes I talk to a wife whose husband is in a bad place. The woman is a godly woman and the husband is not responding to her, and he's not even appreciating. Her godliness and to such a woman, I sometimes say, remember that God is watching you.

Just be beautiful for him. Even if your husband does not notice right now. Know that God sees your beauty and just enjoy being beautiful. To him To God.

Peter then says in verse 5, for in this way in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God. Used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. Notice, ladies, that in order to do this submission and beauty thing, You have to have hope. In God You're never going to be able to do what Peter says in this passage if you have no hope at all.

You'll never be able to obey this passage. If you have hope, but your hope is fixed on your husband. You also can't obey this passage for very long if you're putting your hope in yourself. Put your hope in the God who is omnipotent, who loves you with a perfect love, who will never let you down, who gave His Son to die for you, the God who invites you to come to him and cast all of your anxieties upon Him because He cares for you.

Remember that God is the one who has control over the heart of your husband, and he is the one who will take better care of you than you can even take of yourself. And he can also handle your husband. In the heart of a truly submissive and beautiful wife is a confident hope in God. Hope in God, think about it this way, is the necklace from which hangs every other jewel.

That beautifies a woman. According to Peter, if you put your hope in God, then you can do, he says, what is right in the midst of difficult situations. Peter's also saying that you can do what is right without being frightened by any fear. Literally without being feared.

By any fear Peter's not promising here that you will not have fears, but he is promising that if you put your hope in God, those fears will not succeed in frightening you away from doing what's right. Peter's language here though indicates that he gets it. He understands that it can often be terrifying for a woman to do these things. A wife is living with an imperfect man who messes up.

He doesn't lead when he should and even when he does try to lead, he doesn't do it perfectly. He may not even know the Lord at all, for understandable reasons, it can be terrifying for a wife to submit to her husband in the ways that Peter is talking about in this passage. If you find it terrifying, just know that God understands. Peter gets it.

Honestly, if you remove God from the equation altogether, everything Peter is counseling wives to do here is terrifying and impossible. But God is in the picture. And God loves you, and God speaks to you as a wife, and he says to you, daughter of mine, Do these things for me. He would say to you, I'm not even asking you to trust your husband.

Trust me, put your hope in me, not in your husband. Just be and live the way I'm instructing you in this passage, and I will take care of you, and I will take care of your husband. I can deal with him far better than you can. That's the call of God.

His presence and his love is what makes these things doable. Actually, it turns out, when you look at the whole passage that there are more cosmetics than 2 that can beautify a woman. There's a gentle spirit, there's a quiet spirit, there's submissiveness, which includes chastity and respect. There's also hope in God and there is bravery.

A combination of these qualities will make a woman beautiful to God and will also serve. To make her beautiful for her husband. Now why does Peter call upon wives to be beautiful? Actually, there's two reasons.

First of all, I think he calls upon wives to be beautiful because he knows the secret about men. And the secret is this, most men will do anything for a beautiful woman. A man will climb the highest mountain for a beautiful woman. He will cross the deepest sea and he just might even crawl under the sink and fix the plumbing for a beautiful woman as well.

And he just might give greater attention to the gospel that the woman believes in. and is seeking to exhibit to him. There's another reason Peter calls upon wives to be beautiful, I think, and that is because he knows how easy it is for a woman to choose ugliness. In order to get what she wants.

Actually, Peter knows how easy it is for all of us to choose ugliness to get what we want. We are all tempted at times to use ugliness as a tool to impose our will or to get our way in given moments. We choose to be hateful, we choose to be ugly with our words and with our demeanor and with our tone, and the people around us cower in fear, and they cave in and give us what we want just so peace can be restored. We've all done this, right?

And that's why Peter tells wives to choose beauty, rather than ugliness. He does so because sometimes we can fall prey to thinking that ugliness is the powerful thing that we would rather use and that beauty is some lame thing. But Peter is telling us that beauty is not some lame thing. Beauty is the powerful thing.

It is always the powerful thing. Beauty is power. More powerful than and ultimately so much more powerful than ugliness. We started this morning with Tarzan.

And Jane in the jungle. Let me conclude with Dave Harvey and his wife Kim in the woods. In his excellent book, When Sinners Say I Do, Dave Harvey tells the following story. He says a couple of weeks ago, Kim and I took the kids hiking.

It was supposed to be a day of fresh air and exercise amidst the autumn foliage. Instead, it became a dad can't read the trail map, so let's walk around aimlessly for hours memory. My family has discovered that in order for them to get a Sabbath, I need to go to work. But in the middle of it all, at an unknown intersection of trails somewhere deep in the woods, I encountered a poignant moment of grace.

As it dawned on the group that our location was less than clear and young minds began to ruminate about flare guns and food rationing. Kim Announced with a smile. This is great. It gives us extra exercise and allows us to see even more of the trails.

We eventually found our way out, somehow. But I couldn't stop thinking about Kim's comment, the way it moved us beyond my mistake to see the good that could result. Slowly a smile spread across my face. When a spouse communicates grace, we move beyond mistakes and the journey becomes enjoyable.

And that's the way it's supposed to be when sinners say, I do. I know that every one of you wives in this room know the grace that it required for Kim. To say what she said. What you may not know is how powerful her words would choose, would prove to be.

At the time Kim spoke those words, she might have thought that her words were no big deal. It was the right thing to say. But Dave Harvey thought her words were worthy of inclusion in a book on marriage. He also says that he couldn't stop thinking about Her words.

And for whatever it is worth, ladies, when I read this story the very first time. I had an allergy attack in my eyes. And I got choked up, seriously. What Kim did for her husband.

Made me get emotional when I read it. There are things that make a woman cry. This is something that makes a man cry. And touches him deeply.

And that's why Dave Harvey says that he couldn't stop thinking about her words. So ladies, be encouraged at the opportunities that you have to live out the ethic of 1 Peter 3:16. Be encouraged at how powerful Just a simple statement of yours can be a smile. A touch, an encouraging word.

A kiss on the lips for your undeserving husband, to encourage him on the right path or to help him to find his way back. Onto the right path. You ladies are more powerful than, which is why God gave you to your husband. So be encouraged that the power you possess and let God use you in ways large and small to be a winsome influence for the gospel in your relationship with your husband.

And single gals. You don't have to wait for marriage to do these things. You don't have to wait for marriage to be a winsome influence for the gospel and the lives of others and to practice these virtues. Two weeks ago, I had a single gal come up to me after the sermon and say to me, I can't wait to do these things.

I wanna get started now. And that's the perfect attitude. The good news is that there are countless opportunities to practice these virtues now. And learn to use your power.

As a young lady, to bless others and to do good. And if God's will is that you never marry, you still have your hands filled. With rich opportunities to live out these qualities. In your relationships with others.

In fact, all of us, whether we are married or single, men or women, young or old, we all have wonderful opportunities to be winsome influences for the gospel. To mirror the sacrificial and gracious love of Christ to others, to show a heart that is submitted to the authorities in our life, to practice chastity. To demonstrate respectfulness and to show forth the beauty. Of Christ.

Don't you want to do that? As the Geico narrator says, if you're a Christian, You live out these virtues. It's what you do. Let's pray together.

Lord, I'm praying for a sweet outpouring of your grace. Upon our church. Upon every man and woman and child that we would see the beauty of your ways. I'm praying that our, the women of our church would know the God-given power that they possess.

And that they would see that in this text, Peter is showing them how to channel that power. And use it in the service of winning. Their husbands to a deeper persuasion of the gospel. May they prize the beauty of what is presented here.

And may they experience the power. That is being bestowed upon them. In a passage like this. Help us as men, as dads to encourage these qualities in, in our daughters.

Help our single men to look for women who are striving for these things in their own life. Help us as men to encourage and honor and affirm. The women of this church. And these virtues that we are seeing presented before us today.

May the world look at our church and our relationships where these qualities are manifested. May the world look at our marriages and be left scratching their heads saying, what is this? I have never seen. Anything like this, it defies human explanation, and it is beautiful.

In our increasingly broken dysfunctional society, Lord, if there ever was a time where the people around us need to see such beauty, it's today. This is a good time to be a Christian. May we exhibit the beauties of Christ. All of us, Lord.

And be used by you to be a winsome influence for the gospel in the lives of others. You're a good God and we praise you for your word. We thank you for the opportunity to give our offerings to you, Lord. Receive these offerings as expressions of our love.

And do much with every penny that is given for the glory of Jesus, in whose name we pray, and all God's people said,